to wash the dishes before dining..? This is a little autobiographical, but bear with me.
The point (in this headline example) being that the food was hot, and the dishes could have waited, but a spouse often choose to make everyone wait, let the food get cold, in-spite of gentle hints and suggestions over the years to change behaviour. Behaviour will extend to spend an excessive amount of time "repeating cleaning up" (e.g. the oven) after dinner when the cook (other spouse) pre-empts by cleaning up before calling dinner.
I am looking for a more scientific diagnosis for this (undermining) behaviour.
It looks to be a kind of job/knowledge/opportunity hoarding, even self deprecation, maybe even a kind of competition, or a means to assert self worth. I cannot quite tell. (Maybe all of these)
I have noticed similar in the work place, where someone will do habitually a distasteful/difficult task rather then collaborate let others learn the skills. (Sometime they even complain about the chore, but they never specifically ask for help, and do it before anyone else gets the chance or inclination)
I have noticed it in wider family relationships, for example a farmer not teaching a teenage offspring how to use or maintain farm equipment. And/or when the offspring has received formal training, denying permission to help, giving menial tasks, or neglecting to inform the offspring of schedule/requirements. (Eventually all 5 offspring "showed no interest in the business" and "got jobs in the city!")
Generally this appears to have a sub-optimal outcome for all involved.
Bonuses and incentives don't appear to work as members seem to engaged in the "conspiracy" to care, in-spite of the other participant being fully aware of the behaviour.
The next question would be: What causes this behaviour, how to avoid this outcome, and/or gently improve collaboration.
I believe this is what generic "team building" is all about, but is there a specific diagnosis, and prescription.
typo fix: Bonuses and incentives don't appear to work as members seem TOO engaged in the "conspiracy" to care, in-spite of the other participant being fully aware of the behaviour. (kind of like altruistic punishment)
The point (in this headline example) being that the food was hot, and the dishes could have waited, but a spouse often choose to make everyone wait, let the food get cold, in-spite of gentle hints and suggestions over the years to change behaviour. Behaviour will extend to spend an excessive amount of time "repeating cleaning up" (e.g. the oven) after dinner when the cook (other spouse) pre-empts by cleaning up before calling dinner.
I am looking for a more scientific diagnosis for this (undermining) behaviour.
It looks to be a kind of job/knowledge/opportunity hoarding, even self deprecation, maybe even a kind of competition, or a means to assert self worth. I cannot quite tell. (Maybe all of these)
I have noticed similar in the work place, where someone will do habitually a distasteful/difficult task rather then collaborate let others learn the skills. (Sometime they even complain about the chore, but they never specifically ask for help, and do it before anyone else gets the chance or inclination)
I have noticed it in wider family relationships, for example a farmer not teaching a teenage offspring how to use or maintain farm equipment. And/or when the offspring has received formal training, denying permission to help, giving menial tasks, or neglecting to inform the offspring of schedule/requirements. (Eventually all 5 offspring "showed no interest in the business" and "got jobs in the city!")
Generally this appears to have a sub-optimal outcome for all involved.
Bonuses and incentives don't appear to work as members seem to engaged in the "conspiracy" to care, in-spite of the other participant being fully aware of the behaviour.
The next question would be: What causes this behaviour, how to avoid this outcome, and/or gently improve collaboration.
I believe this is what generic "team building" is all about, but is there a specific diagnosis, and prescription.
typo fix: Bonuses and incentives don't appear to work as members seem TOO engaged in the "conspiracy" to care, in-spite of the other participant being fully aware of the behaviour. (kind of like altruistic punishment)