Top Ten Kitchen Signs
10. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
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Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. ?****** ?******The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey." ?****** ?******The second lawyer responded, "Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day." ?****** ?*****
*Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsmen, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. ?****** ?****
**They were still arguing when the train hit them.
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Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him. The startled front tiger turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward. ?****** ?***
***About five minutes later, it happened again. The front tiger turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued. ?****** ?*****
*Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue. The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?" ?****** ?******The rear tiger replied, "I'm sorry -- I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
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A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession. ?****** ?****
**The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that." ?****** ?***
***The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!" ?****** ?******
The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all. ?****** ?*
*****His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" ?****** ?******"But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer."
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9. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
7. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
6. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
5. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
5. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
4. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
3. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
2. Housework done properly can kill you.
1. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.
10. A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen and this kitchen is delirious.
----
Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a pair of tracks. They stopped and examined the tracks closely. ?****** ?******The first lawyer announced, "Those are deer tracks. It's deer season, so we should follow the tracks and find our prey." ?****** ?******The second lawyer responded, "Those are clearly elk tracks, and elk are out of season. If we follow your advice, we'll waste the day." ?****** ?*****
*Each attorney believed himself to be the superior woodsmen, and they both bitterly stuck to their guns. ?****** ?****
**They were still arguing when the train hit them.
--
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue, and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him. The startled front tiger turned and said, "Cut it out." The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward. ?****** ?***
***About five minutes later, it happened again. The front tiger turned, growling, "I said stop it." The rear tiger again apologized, and they continued. ?****** ?*****
*Another five minutes passed, and again the front tiger felt the unwanted tongue. The front tiger turned, giving the rear tiger a ferocious glare, angrily hissing, "What is it with you?" ?****** ?******The rear tiger replied, "I'm sorry -- I really didn't mean to offend you. But I just ate a lawyer and I'm trying to get the taste out of my mouth!"
---
A surgeon, an architect an a lawyer are having a heated barroom discussion concerning which of their professions is actually the oldest profession. ?****** ?****
**The surgeon says: "Surgery IS the oldest profession. God took a rib from Adam to create Eve and you can't go back further than that." ?****** ?***
***The architect says: "Hold on! In fact, God was the first architect when he created the world out of chaos in 7 days, and you can't go back any further than THAT!" ?****** ?******
The lawyer puffs his cigar and says: "Gentlemen, Gentlemen...who do you think created the CHAOS??!!
---
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. The balding man then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying them all. ?****** ?*
*****His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says, "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" ?****** ?******"But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer."
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9. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
7. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.
6. If we are what we eat, then I'm easy, fast, and cheap.
5. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
5. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
4. A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.
3. Help keep the kitchen clean - eat out.
2. Housework done properly can kill you.
1. My next house will have no kitchen --- just vending machines.