Training - what they really mean

[jayz_tier02]

Bodybuilder Translation - Daniel Evans




* "I'm a bodybuilder": I'm not a bodybuilder.

* "I eat loads": I eat like a bird.

* "I'm a "hardgainer"; I'm lazy and I eat like a bird.

* "I only have 10lb dumbbells": I've got no intention of training properly.

* "My friend Darren done it and he's huge": My friend is juicing on the sly and I wasn't invited.

* "I've got a friend who's wondering.."; I want to juice.

* "This is what my diet will look like:" This is my monotonous eating plan which I'll follow for 2 days.

* "I'm cutting next month, then bulking next month, then cutting.."; I'm never going to grow.

* "My chest is unbalanced": I'd rather lie on a bench instead of doing something more physically productive.

* "My biceps are X inches"; I can magically discount my triceps from an upper arm measurement.

* "Monday: Arms, Wednesday: Back..."; I'm splitting down my anatomy and training each part in accordance with the revolution of the Earth.

* "There was a guy in our gym today..."; I love it when an inexperienced person walks in. It makes me feel like Ronnie.

* "My football coach said..."; I've got some egotistical, opinionated, alpha male intimidating me, jeopardizing any chance of me ever training properly...

* "I want to gain weight but keep my abs": I don't want to gain weight.

* "EZ Bar Curls:"; I'd sooner fit in with the crowd and use a pointless, faddy bent bar than place a small amount of much needed stress on my skinny wrists.

* "I squat to parallel": I quarter squat.

* "This supplement really works:" I've witnessed My First Caffeine Buzz (TM).

* "Ronnie does....": I have no idea about genetics, CNS conditioning or anabolic steroids.

* "Which "stack" is the best for mass?": I'm looking for the Magic Bean (TM).

* "When is it best to take / eat.." I'm looking for the Magic Time (TM).

* "I'm "hitting from all angles": I'm scared incase I miss the Magic Exercise (TM) so I'll just do everything.

* "Look at Arnie smoking a joint!": I'm showing you a video / picture everyone in the world has seen. I'm a new "bodybuilder".

* "I'm training for "mass": I've discovered a cool new word for "muscle". I shall use it often.

* "I need to "switch up" my routine": I've tried a routine for 2 weeks and I still don't look like Ronnie...

* "Chicks prefer..": I want to look like Justin Bieber.

* "When I'm doing Preacher Curls...": I fail to see the stupidity of sitting down on a huge piece of equipment to do an angled concentration curl.

* "I hate it when people curl in the Power Rack": I chose a **** gym. It's my fault but I'll just continue to complain. All the cool kids complain about it and I wasn't going to squat anyways...

* "I need a friend to spot": I'm using the wrong equipment and performing less important movements with a weight I clearly can't handle.

* "Whatever my mom makes me"; Despite the vagueness this is my only wholesome, half nutritious meal I'll eat all day.

* "Couldn't do legs today.."; Those power rack curlers were conveniently in my **** gym again today...

* "I'm JACKED": I need to hide my skinny ass hide behind an Arnie avatar.

* "You're JACKED:" I'm a Jackass.

* "It's all you bro": There's a girls meeting at Bench Press HQ.

* "Feel the BURN": I need to be set on fire.

 

[ilovehottopic94]

Some of them sound oh so familier from the newby section.

 

[islandgirl123]

"I squat to parallel": I quarter squat.

This could also be 'I have a bad knee'

NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!

 

[GrabTheMic]

I LOL'd and then cried a little because of just how true those things and are how many times I've heard those things said.

although, I think there are american versions that should be mentioned:

Its all you bro = Holy crap, how many more of these do I need to lift off your chest??

NICE SET! = Christ I need a chiropractor

Dude, you bulkin? = Cheesecake aint a source of protein man... jus sayin...

I wanna get ripped but not bulky = I do whatever my girlfriend wants me to cause she's too good for me.

I'm gonna take a year and just bulk = I nearly got laughed off the stage at my first show and I'm going to spend the next year healing with comfort food.

Real bodybuilders train naturally = Damn I wish I knew where to get steroids

I dont want to get too big = I havent changed since highschool

 

[thedaa25]

I guess saying 'I don't want to get too big' shows someone has absolute zero knowledge on the subject...

 

[chessathy]

I'm honest, I'm a typical old white guy, I always wanted to have some definition to my muscles but either didn't have the willpower to cut fat or the genetics. Probably a combo.

 

[DarkAkAlsvartsagor]

I giggled particularly loudly at the following:






Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong - of course cheesecake is a source of protein!



and is usually female with a set of pink dumbbells, an ab rocker and a pathological terror of sweating!

 

[theecasey]

LOL... ok, maybe cheesecake is FOR US!

 

[Rocker213]

As a home gym user, this is really one of the few of these that affects me personally. Look on the ingredients label for practically all supplements and you'll see caffeine somewhere. I'd rather just drink coffee and not pay for the other crap that doesn't work in it.

 

[xeyeswidecutx]

But the guys at my gym really do use the power rack to curl all the time!

 

[Bjredsox04]

It's because they wouldn't want to hurt their back by lifting the bar from the floor obviously only concerned by vanity. An more annoying problem at my gym is the number of people who load up a station then move onto the next leaving the bar weighted. Like I'm going to do a 140kg squat FFS. I'd say it's about 80-90% and why I prefer training on my own in an empty gym. I no longer ask if someone's finished as it's so common. I tend to clear up plates between sets but this does sometimes mess with timing the rests between sets and getting the most from my workout.

 

[postalp]

^THIS!!!

If I hear one more of these types talk about how 'you don't want to get too muscular' I'll puke. Yeah, like I'm going to hit 100 kilograms by doing a few deadlifts.