Throw Down Your Best Jokes
- Thread starter ZorakAsks
- Start date
I_Bust_Nokia_navyseals
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- May 20, 2008
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Three Homeless guys are sitting on a park bench, discussing the dreams they had the night before. The guy on the left says he had a dream someone was jerkin him off. The guy on the right says, hey, thats wierd, I had the same dream. The guy in the middle says..hmm..I had a dream I was skiing.
valerieeflames
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- Apr 6, 2008
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i dont get it. 
Sly_Old_Mole
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- Apr 2, 2008
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When you ski, you push yourself with two poles. Imagine that motion.
Krazythugzsta
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- May 20, 2008
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got it.
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A lonely woman, aged 70, decided that it was time to get married. She put an ad in the local paper that read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
__________________________________________________________________
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted...
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON.
On the second day she heard the doorbell. Much to her dismay, she opened the door to see a gray-haired gentleman with no arms or legs sitting in a wheelchair. The old woman said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you ... you have no legs!" The old man smiled, "Therefore I cannot run around on you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any hands either!" Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed intently. "Are you still good in bed?" With that, the old gentleman leaned back, beamed a big broad smile and said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
__________________________________________________________________
Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School. Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. "Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?"
When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary Margaret. The Nun said, "Very good" and continued teaching her class.
A little later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But Mary didn't stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt. "Jesus Christ!!!" shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said, "Very good," and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.
The Nun asked her a third question..."What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" Again, Johnny came to the rescue. This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The nun fainted...
CatherineL
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- May 18, 2008
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i lol'd.
okay..
a woman goes into labor on march 31st, and its a long instensive labor that she passes out at the end of. she wakes up the next morning and asks the nurse if she can see her baby. the nurse says okay, and walks out of the room. when she returns, she drops the baby to the floor, kicks it across the room, then when she goes to pick it up, she tosses it out the window. the mother panics, and screams "what have you done to my baby?!"
the nurse cracks a smile and says "april fools, it was already dead"
a woman goes into labor on march 31st, and its a long instensive labor that she passes out at the end of. she wakes up the next morning and asks the nurse if she can see her baby. the nurse says okay, and walks out of the room. when she returns, she drops the baby to the floor, kicks it across the room, then when she goes to pick it up, she tosses it out the window. the mother panics, and screams "what have you done to my baby?!"
the nurse cracks a smile and says "april fools, it was already dead"
1OnTheWayt
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- Apr 10, 2008
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el. oh. el.
AlexisInfectious®
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- Apr 17, 2009
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OMFG. TERRIBLE YET AMAZING.
win.
win.
aWellWisher
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- Apr 4, 2008
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HAW HAW HAW!!!:tup: :tup: :tup: