This is going to be long but I would appreciate people reading it fully b/c I think I can get better answers that way.
Today my husband was diagnosed with an indirect hernia, which has apparently been there for a long time. The MD says it is not serious, but that he will most likely need surgery. I have already been told by my parents, especially my father who had a bad hernia and went through surgery, that it is nothing. They say to stop worrying and that I'm having irrational fears. (But my father's a pretty physically healthy guy who is very athletic and I just can't visualize him dying in surgery).My husband too seems to have no concerns about it whatsoever and keeps telling me I'm worried over nothing and that I'm driving myself crazy. One person on the phone told me that it was a routine procedure but that he could understand my fear since it involves surgery and he knows quite well my fears about my husband dying. I don't know what to listen to or think.
Ever since I have been with my husband I have had persistent thoughts, images, and fears that he will die (young) and how terrible my life would be without him. I have been with my husband for five years (recently married). Ever since right before our second date, I have had fears of him dying, complete with imaging the actual scene of the death. I picture what his body looks like, me holding his body crying, my reaction upon hearing he has died or seen him dead, seeing him in a coffin, etc. These fears began the night before our second date. I read a book which involved a girl losing her boyfriend who got into a car accident (I didn't know this would be in the plot). Her terrible and graphic reaction got me thinking about how my own reaction would be if he died, a similar reaction perhaps.
Info about my husband: he is 44, somewhat overweight and doesn't exercise. His eating habits are so-so (as are mine). He has depression. However, his routine check-ups, which he's had several of lately, have always been fine. Also, he is very happy with me and we have a great marriage. I don't think he "wants" to die and leave me.
Mostly my fears involve when he goes to bed. He usually goes to sleep before I do. I fear he will die in his sleep. I will check on him sometimes to see if he's still breathing. Sometimes when he's out I get fears of the police calling me that he's been killed in an accident. Or I fear he will have a heart attack one day. I come home afraid to find him dead. I picture quite well what he would look like if he were dead. To my recollection, I have not had any death dreams about him, (although I have had them about my family, who are perfectly healthy). In contrast, there are certain people I love who I can not imagine this with. So why him?
So here is my point: basically my fear is that when he has the surgery, he won't come out of it due to these "premonitions". Maybe his body can't handle anathesia, etc. His body always appears tired. When I have always asked him for reassurance (a lot), he tells me he has no "intention" of dying and that he will live a very long time.
The thoughts and images of his death have been very persistent.
I know I probably sound crazy but I honestly am scared and am providing a lot of details so people can let me know. It is possible I have these fears b/c he is the best thing to ever happen to me and is nothing like the jerks I used to date, and I have heard that you can start fearing death when life gets better for you b/c you don't want to "lose" it.
So is this a premonition of what is to come or just irrational fears? What is the difference between fears and premonitions (if they even exist)?
Thank you so much.
To add: someone said to us, and my husband has wondered too, though we're not sure, that he has mild sleep apnea. He snores extremely loud. However he does not wake up gasping for breath. He will cough in his sleep, a cough that sounds like you do when you drink water/food the wrong way -- though it doesn't sound like choking per say.
Jeez! I was looking into the fatality of surgery procedures online and this person said that when you are put under anesthesia or something during surgery, you are technically "dead" for a period of time. If that is true then I'm really scared b/c I can't imagine him coming out of it. But I'm hoping that's bull.
Someone responded with very good feedback: for him to get a sleep test for apnea. unfortunately we can't afford that right now and we really want to get the operation done soon. also that he should exercise and change his eating habits. but I don't see him exercising enough/changing his eating habits in time before the operation. he knows he has to work on that and plans to but I don't see him doing it yet. With that said, do others of you feel there could be complications during the surgery due to these factors?
Today my husband was diagnosed with an indirect hernia, which has apparently been there for a long time. The MD says it is not serious, but that he will most likely need surgery. I have already been told by my parents, especially my father who had a bad hernia and went through surgery, that it is nothing. They say to stop worrying and that I'm having irrational fears. (But my father's a pretty physically healthy guy who is very athletic and I just can't visualize him dying in surgery).My husband too seems to have no concerns about it whatsoever and keeps telling me I'm worried over nothing and that I'm driving myself crazy. One person on the phone told me that it was a routine procedure but that he could understand my fear since it involves surgery and he knows quite well my fears about my husband dying. I don't know what to listen to or think.
Ever since I have been with my husband I have had persistent thoughts, images, and fears that he will die (young) and how terrible my life would be without him. I have been with my husband for five years (recently married). Ever since right before our second date, I have had fears of him dying, complete with imaging the actual scene of the death. I picture what his body looks like, me holding his body crying, my reaction upon hearing he has died or seen him dead, seeing him in a coffin, etc. These fears began the night before our second date. I read a book which involved a girl losing her boyfriend who got into a car accident (I didn't know this would be in the plot). Her terrible and graphic reaction got me thinking about how my own reaction would be if he died, a similar reaction perhaps.
Info about my husband: he is 44, somewhat overweight and doesn't exercise. His eating habits are so-so (as are mine). He has depression. However, his routine check-ups, which he's had several of lately, have always been fine. Also, he is very happy with me and we have a great marriage. I don't think he "wants" to die and leave me.
Mostly my fears involve when he goes to bed. He usually goes to sleep before I do. I fear he will die in his sleep. I will check on him sometimes to see if he's still breathing. Sometimes when he's out I get fears of the police calling me that he's been killed in an accident. Or I fear he will have a heart attack one day. I come home afraid to find him dead. I picture quite well what he would look like if he were dead. To my recollection, I have not had any death dreams about him, (although I have had them about my family, who are perfectly healthy). In contrast, there are certain people I love who I can not imagine this with. So why him?
So here is my point: basically my fear is that when he has the surgery, he won't come out of it due to these "premonitions". Maybe his body can't handle anathesia, etc. His body always appears tired. When I have always asked him for reassurance (a lot), he tells me he has no "intention" of dying and that he will live a very long time.
The thoughts and images of his death have been very persistent.
I know I probably sound crazy but I honestly am scared and am providing a lot of details so people can let me know. It is possible I have these fears b/c he is the best thing to ever happen to me and is nothing like the jerks I used to date, and I have heard that you can start fearing death when life gets better for you b/c you don't want to "lose" it.
So is this a premonition of what is to come or just irrational fears? What is the difference between fears and premonitions (if they even exist)?
Thank you so much.
To add: someone said to us, and my husband has wondered too, though we're not sure, that he has mild sleep apnea. He snores extremely loud. However he does not wake up gasping for breath. He will cough in his sleep, a cough that sounds like you do when you drink water/food the wrong way -- though it doesn't sound like choking per say.
Jeez! I was looking into the fatality of surgery procedures online and this person said that when you are put under anesthesia or something during surgery, you are technically "dead" for a period of time. If that is true then I'm really scared b/c I can't imagine him coming out of it. But I'm hoping that's bull.
Someone responded with very good feedback: for him to get a sleep test for apnea. unfortunately we can't afford that right now and we really want to get the operation done soon. also that he should exercise and change his eating habits. but I don't see him exercising enough/changing his eating habits in time before the operation. he knows he has to work on that and plans to but I don't see him doing it yet. With that said, do others of you feel there could be complications during the surgery due to these factors?