Idea for a book. Where should i take it. Should i just scrap it?

[frank]

I apologize in advance if there are any spelling errors. I don't have spell check and I'm awful at typing so i often press the wrong keys.

I was born in the biggest city you have ever seen. Many say it's the best. I say, it's the worst. It's New York. I was born on April 13th, 2073. Not a day later nor a day sooner. At least that's what my mother always told me. She used to say that on the day i was born, the sun had been shining so brightly, people had to wear two pairs of sunglasses to protect their eyes. I used to believe her. Until I realized that there is so much pollution on this planet, that is impossible. I've never even seen the blasted sun. So naive I was. But not anymore.
My mother. Oh I loved her so much. But of course nothing lasts forever. Nothing. Especially not the lives of the people you love most.
But my story really didn't start until the winter of 2081. I was 8. My mom had just been promoted at her crappy restaurant job. She was even proud of her new job as the bar tender. More like human punching bag. The only reason she got the new job was because the last one had died from being punched too hard in the neck in one of those free for all bar fights. They said his neck had just snapped in half and his head had folded neatly upon his chest before he dropped loudly to the floor. That guy had been huge! How would my petite little mom survive in that kind of place! The thing is she wouldn't. And she didn't. I blame myself for her death. People always say i shouldn't, but i do anyway. You see, the only reason my mom had to work there was because of me. Otherwise she could have been married to some rich man and lived wonderfully. And i know that is what would have happened. She was beautiful. All the men would fall for her beauty. Constantly yelling and whistling to her on the streets. It was awful for me but even worse for her.
She was once in a relationship with a man wealthy enough to support three large families. He left her of course. Said she had too much baggage. I knew that baggage was me.

 

[Dalton]

This sounds like a pretty good story, but you should start by omitting unneeded details, such as "Not a day later or sooner". Also, make sure you have clear references (Example: More like human punching bag. = doesn't have a subject. The only reason she got the new job was because the last one had died... = gramatically refers to job as dying)
But otherwise it sounds pretty good. Keep it up.

 

[DeggsMcKaye]

Re-write it. You spend multiple lines explaining how the previous bartender died, and yet there are only two sentence fragments devoted to the explanation of our narrator's mother's demise. It starts off wonderfully. Your story is full of description and development with attention to detail as well. If the narrator blames themselves, develop the mother's death a bit more. And as always, read your own writing.

 

[Pieman]

Scrap it? No. Did you see a movie, Did you ever see a movie called, Jumper? I think it might inspire you one way, or another way. But as most expert/professional writers would say, never give up. I really think you should see that movie. And last year, was another you should see. The name of it is evading me, right now. But a man has the job of shooting prisoners, as they pop up in the past, with a bag over their head. And after awhile, one such prisoner turns out to be, his future self.