symptoms/feelings? : *( I'm scared. ? So..i've had anxieties for YEARS. I'm only 21 but i've been anxious and paranoid since i was about 14, 15 years old. The past few years somer serious things have happened with my family and i've become even more anxious. Last year, i smoked week and it was really strong and i guess i took too many hits and freaked out and had a panic attack. After that, i never smoked weed again but i literally had a nervous breakdown that night. Then, last september i had my first panic attack and wound up in the hospital. They said it was anxieties and i was dehydrated and they sent me home.
Ever since then i've slowly started to lose myself. I'm almost 100% positive that i have depersonalization disorder, almost all the symptoms match up. I also had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who's honestly changed me as a person entirely. Anyways..to the point..the last couple months have been horrific. I feel like i have no idea who i am, at all. I don't feel real. I feel disconnected and cut off from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. it's one of the scariest feelings i've ever experienced. I feel nothing. No emotions, nothing. My mind is a complete blank, i have no thoughts at all, which is totally ******* up my memory. I can't remember almost this entire year. Unless you tell me about something that happened [ then i pretty much remember it clearly] i can't even tell you what i did this year.
Now since I started feeling this way, everytime i go into work or go somewhere, it feels like the first time i'm at this place. Even my job, which i've been at for 8 months, feels different and unfamiliar to me. It feels like i no longer know who my boyfriend is, my family, my friends. I feel nothing towards them..which makes me feel like i don't know them. As horrible as these feelings are, theyre not the worst.
This is the WORST symptom i've ever experienced and i'm not sure if it's normal or not. The last week and a half i've had trouble with my speech. It's hard to explain but i'll try - everything i say, pretty much comes out clearly...it's not like i'm slurring words or anything. But it suddenly freaks me out to talk. It's like i dont understand how i'm able to talk, how i know words, how i know what they mean. The more i think about it, the more freaked out I get and i actually start to stutter and stumble over words. I have absolutely no connection to the words coming out of my mouth and it scares me. Even when i dont think about it, its weird for me to talk now that i started feeling this way. I can sound words out, but how am i doing it? It feels like even though I'm doing it, I don't know how i'm doing it. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I feel like i'm disabled, like i can't function. All i keep thinking is that this is a brain tumor, and that's it. I don't have any other physical symptoms..i never get headaches, never throw up..never achey or sick. I have bronchitis and a cold right now but i still feel okay. I'm not sure if thats what started the whole talking thing off but its really bad now.
I've been going to therapy for about a month now, so far it hasn't done ****, and she says the talking thing is just another manifestation of anxiety but i dont know if that's true. I've never heard of that before. I'm going for a physical in a week and i'm getting a blood test and if the doctor think's somethings up..or if this talking thing continues i'm going to see a neurologist. But i just wanted to see if anyone can relate or if anyone's been through anything similiar. Please no scary or immature answers, I'm freaked out enough. Thanks guys, i know that was long <3
Ever since then i've slowly started to lose myself. I'm almost 100% positive that i have depersonalization disorder, almost all the symptoms match up. I also had an emotionally abusive boyfriend who's honestly changed me as a person entirely. Anyways..to the point..the last couple months have been horrific. I feel like i have no idea who i am, at all. I don't feel real. I feel disconnected and cut off from EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. it's one of the scariest feelings i've ever experienced. I feel nothing. No emotions, nothing. My mind is a complete blank, i have no thoughts at all, which is totally ******* up my memory. I can't remember almost this entire year. Unless you tell me about something that happened [ then i pretty much remember it clearly] i can't even tell you what i did this year.
Now since I started feeling this way, everytime i go into work or go somewhere, it feels like the first time i'm at this place. Even my job, which i've been at for 8 months, feels different and unfamiliar to me. It feels like i no longer know who my boyfriend is, my family, my friends. I feel nothing towards them..which makes me feel like i don't know them. As horrible as these feelings are, theyre not the worst.
This is the WORST symptom i've ever experienced and i'm not sure if it's normal or not. The last week and a half i've had trouble with my speech. It's hard to explain but i'll try - everything i say, pretty much comes out clearly...it's not like i'm slurring words or anything. But it suddenly freaks me out to talk. It's like i dont understand how i'm able to talk, how i know words, how i know what they mean. The more i think about it, the more freaked out I get and i actually start to stutter and stumble over words. I have absolutely no connection to the words coming out of my mouth and it scares me. Even when i dont think about it, its weird for me to talk now that i started feeling this way. I can sound words out, but how am i doing it? It feels like even though I'm doing it, I don't know how i'm doing it. I don't even know if that makes sense.
I feel like i'm disabled, like i can't function. All i keep thinking is that this is a brain tumor, and that's it. I don't have any other physical symptoms..i never get headaches, never throw up..never achey or sick. I have bronchitis and a cold right now but i still feel okay. I'm not sure if thats what started the whole talking thing off but its really bad now.
I've been going to therapy for about a month now, so far it hasn't done ****, and she says the talking thing is just another manifestation of anxiety but i dont know if that's true. I've never heard of that before. I'm going for a physical in a week and i'm getting a blood test and if the doctor think's somethings up..or if this talking thing continues i'm going to see a neurologist. But i just wanted to see if anyone can relate or if anyone's been through anything similiar. Please no scary or immature answers, I'm freaked out enough. Thanks guys, i know that was long <3