How do I handle my cousin's ongoing man problems, when I myself am so...

[Sarah]

...unhappy, but she laughs at that? I am 34, divorced with a child. I got divorced due to domestic violence. I have been single ever since, and that was 10 years ago now (apart from 1 guy, more below). I just never found anyone who I liked enough to introduce to my son, and I would never have a sex-only thing with anyone. I've been busy with my son all these years but he is now a teenager. I'd dearly love to find someone but everyone in my circle, and who I meet, is taken already. Younger guys think I'm too old. Can't win!

I did date one guy in 2008 but he turned out to be married and when I think about it, it still hurts. He used the fact I have a son and could not sleep overnights with him, to lead his double life.

Now, my cousin is my best friend. She's 29 and single. She still lives at home and her dad pays for her car, her phone, her nights out, and her vacations. She dates a lot of guys, and has had fun with all of them.

However - now all her friends are getting married, she has become unbearable. She's joined a bunch of "find a husband" websites, and literally bombards me with texts day and night about "who" she should date next, and "why" a certain guy hasn't replied to her text straight away, etc.

I happily listen, even though I have enough issues of my own, but the extent to which she is now obsessed with finding a husband is ridiculous. If I tell her not to clog up my work email with all her messages, she'll start clogging up my Yahoo and my phone. She talks day and night about whichever man she's talking to online. I recently said "Hey, you know I still think about *name of married guy* sometimes and it hurts so much" and she replied "LOL! Get over it!"

She's also starting to cut off members of our family who are getting married; she has another cousin who went straight from being a mistress to finding the guy of her dreams, and my cousin started screaming to me "where is her karma? Why doesn't God punish her for being with a married guy knowingly? I'm boycotting her wedding".

I think she is probably depressed, but how do I handle all this when I am still devastated about what the guy I was seeing did to me? (turned out to be married) Believe me, I spend HOURS talking to and advising her, before anyone tells me I am selfish.

Another thing is she always tells new guys she meets that she "had a bad marriage" - she's never even BEEN married! It's something she invents to get sympathy. This is the kind of thing she pulls. I have every sympathy for her, even though she does not reciprocate, but I am losing patience.

 

[JustMe]

I had friends like this and was so ashamed of them lol... we'd go out and it was so obvious they weren't out for fun but on a husband hunt. When I got engaged and married they said it would never last and how bad a person I was for not "sending him their way" since I didn't even WANT to date. LMAO... just bitter old hags. Tell her that you are not interested in her bashing people or her obsession with finding a husband. You'll happily chat with her about anything else but not that.

 

[eldots53]

Ew. She sounds like a complete nutcase. She is **remarkably** self-centered, to an astonishing degree, truly obsessive, and spoiled. If I were you I would save my sympathy for anyone she dates, and save your patience for yourself. She is not capable of having a good marriage, nor is she capable of being supportive to YOU - she is a one-way street; it is all about her. She is not really a friend to you - a companion, perhaps, but no friend.

You know, just because she clogs up your Yahoo and your phone, doesn't mean you need to answer. Nor do you need to be giving her advice just because she "demands" it. She is just a Drama Llama.

Focus on yourself. Withdraw from her. Maybe YOU should be trying a dating site for yourself - but don't tell her about it. And I hope you are getting counseling and support for yourself, because SHE is useless in that regard.

 

[InvisibleMan]

Set boundaries.... Draw a line in the sand.

Tell her, "Look, when I get men figured out, I'll offer advice. Until then, you're singing to the chorus. So, please, leave me out of the drama."

Personally, as a guy I can tell you she's doing all the wrong things. She's playing games. Probably looking for a man to take care of her (since she seems to be used to that). And she's too desperate about it all.