Football fans: what do you think of my memoir?

[NasirJones]

" Your in next play" I heard my defensive coach scream over the sound of the fans. I was immediately patted on the back and cheered on by the freshman and offensive players who thought i deserved the starting spot. I felt a mix of fear and excitement. It was my first varsity game ever only my second year playing football. We were playing against one of the best teams in the state and they had more fans then us in the stands on our own home field. They were winning 12 to zip there defense had scored two touch downs on us but we were eating there offense alive. But the guy the coach had started in my position had already given up in the first quarter. He had started off playing too aggressive and gotten burned on the reverse now he was just letting the guy block him giving there running back easy yards. It was my time to shine and in the perfect conditions. It was raining cats and dogs meaning the offense wasn't gonna be able to control the ball. I ran out onto the field trying not to slip on the wet turf. "54 your out i screamed" He looked up and jogged off the field with a lazy defeated look on his face. I ran into the huddle and received a warm welcome from the middle linebacker who had been working his butt off to pick up the slack for number 54. "pinch mac wack" He yelled the play over the fans. Everything but the first part of the play was gibberish to me. I walked up to the line and took a knee on the wet turf. I heard someone come up behind me and recognized the voice of our team captain and the leader of the defense. "Bro number 79 is weak and slow your stronger and faster than him. You better show out when your legs hurt and you feel like you can't run anymore run 5 more steps and then run ten more after that. Its me and you all night baby" He whispered to me before smacking the side of my helmet and backtracking to his position. The offensive lineman jogged up to the line and i sized up my guy. Number 79 the biggest guy on the team by far. At least 6'6 350 pounds. "down" the quarterback said looking over the line "sssseeeetttttt GO!" he screamed i jumped off the line falling for the fake cadence. I couldn't believe how bad i had messed up. I had jumped offsides on the first play of my varsity career. I looked to the sidelines expecting to be taken out of the game at any second. But my coach was giving me another chance. This time i completely ignored the quarterback and the lineman in front of me. I stared down the ball waiting for it to move and when it did i shot my gap as hard as i could. I beat number 79 and broke into the back field the quarterback was pushing the ball into number sixes hands he was shaking and it was the ugliest hand off i had ever seen. I was running to hit number 6 when i was blind sided. I felt my feet fly out from under me and looked up just in time to see the helmet of number 79 smashing into mine. All i felt was pain. I don't know how long i was on the bottom of that pile it felt like hours but it must have been seconds. When i got up i was mad and my whole outlook had changed. I was looking to get even.

Its an excerpt from a memoir of my first varsity football game. Its for english class. Sorry there isn't paragraphs yahoo answers takes them out.