"He smiled brightly—like a full moon shining in the dark, ominous, night sky. His lips curled up into a wide grin—the smile she had missed for so long. His blue eyes, like a pool of water from the clearest spring, sparkled with excitement and happiness. Her heart swelled with delight, warming to the idea of finally reuniting with him. She was overwhelmed with emotion when she saw him there, waiting for her, smiling. How she had missed him so much. Her face was streaked with tears as she raced towards him into his arms. She ached to feel his arms around her again—where they belonged.
She jumped, hoping to fall into his big arms, the ones that had always been there to catch her whenever she fell. The arms that had always fit so snugly around her, that kept her safe and warm.
Suddenly, despair.
She stumbled over a rock, falling into the cold, dark ground. There were no arms to catch her. He was never there. Strange—he had always been there before. He was always there to catch her. She was surprised by his absence; had he not been standing before her only seconds ago? Her eyes stung with tears, flowing endlessly down her face and into the ground. Her heart shattered with sorrow. Pain seared through her veins, causing her to shake with agony. Why did he leave her here? Why was she alone? He promised he would always be there for her, that he would never ever leave.
But he broke that promise.
He broke her heart."
>>It's only a teeny excerpt from a story I'm writing for my creative writing class.
What do you think? I'm not sure if it makes sense, especially the beginning.
Feedback/constructive criticism please, if you don't like please don't be afraid to say so!!
She jumped, hoping to fall into his big arms, the ones that had always been there to catch her whenever she fell. The arms that had always fit so snugly around her, that kept her safe and warm.
Suddenly, despair.
She stumbled over a rock, falling into the cold, dark ground. There were no arms to catch her. He was never there. Strange—he had always been there before. He was always there to catch her. She was surprised by his absence; had he not been standing before her only seconds ago? Her eyes stung with tears, flowing endlessly down her face and into the ground. Her heart shattered with sorrow. Pain seared through her veins, causing her to shake with agony. Why did he leave her here? Why was she alone? He promised he would always be there for her, that he would never ever leave.
But he broke that promise.
He broke her heart."
>>It's only a teeny excerpt from a story I'm writing for my creative writing class.
What do you think? I'm not sure if it makes sense, especially the beginning.
Feedback/constructive criticism please, if you don't like please don't be afraid to say so!!