Essay introduction paragraph: Help/opinion?

[AALCH]

I have to write an essay comparing "the balcony scenes" in the 1996 Baz Luhrman version of Romeo vs. Juliet (Romeo+Juliet) and The 1968 Zeffirelli version.

This is my introduction paragraph; this is my first time writing an English essay. Any grammar corrections? Is it any good? Please help ! Thank you in advance !


Over the years there have been many different adaptations of William Shakespeare’s: Romeo and Juliet; two of those would be Franco Zeffirelli’s 1968 version and Baz Lurhman’s 1996 version. It is evident that these directors interpret the original play in their own respective way. Luhrman’s version is a modern-day film adaptation while Zeffirelli’s is inspired by Shakespeare’s time. With that said, Luhrman’s interpretation of the script, the character portrayal, and the mood that is set throughout the scene make his version the dominant topic in this discussion.
Edit: Thank you very much! It helped quite a lot. I'll get on it right now Thanks again
How's this?

Over the years, there have been many different adaptations of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Two of those would be Franco Zeffirelli’s 1968 version and Baz Lurhman’s 1996 version. It is evident that these directors interpret the original play in their own way. With that said, Luhrman’s interpretation of the script, the character portrayal (in his version), and the mood that is set throughout the scene make his version the favored topic in this discussion.

How's this?

Over the years, there have been many different adaptations of William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet. Two of those would be Franco Zeffirelli’s 1968 version and Baz Lurhman’s 1996 version. It is evident that these directors interpret the original play in their own way. With that said, Luhrman’s interpretation of the script, the character portrayal (in his version), and the mood that is set throughout the scene make his version the favored topic in this discussion.

 

[Brandeila]

I think you did a good job. You don't need the colon after Romeo and Juliet. Make sure to properly punctuate all titles, or at least put them in italics. Make "Two of those..." a new sentence.

Now, Luhrman's interpretation should not be the dominant topic in your essay. Your essay topic is the comparison of the two, not discussing the two in general. Only information comparing and contrasting the two difference scenes should be included in your essay.

Everything at after the sentence "Luhrman's version is a mod..." should be removed or placed somewhere else in the essay. Instead, briefly highlight the major differences and similarities that you will discuss in your essay. This is what your last sentence of your introduction should be, your thesis sentence, bringing up your argument.

EDIT: the word respective isn't even needed.
EDIT EDIT: I still dislike your last sentence. You're talking about the two balcony scenes, not one balcony scene. But the rest reads very nicely.

 

[EMW]

Take the : out of the first sentence, and end the sentence after "Juliet." Make "respective way" plural by changing it to "respective ways." Otherwise, very well written!

 

[sally]

Over the years, there have been many adaptions of William Shakespeare's (italics) Romeo and Juliet. Franco Zeffirelli and Baz Lurhman are two directors that reproduced the play, but interpreted it differently. Luhrman's version of the play, however, is the best due to his interpretation of the script, the character portrayal (in his version) and the mood that is set throughout the scenes of the play.