At what point is it considered an unhealthy and dependent relationship?

[Sparrow]

I will start out by saying that while I am not against the idea of a monogamous long term relationship, I have seen very few that can be considered healthy.

I have a couple of friends who are dating/engaged (complicated story) and have a child together. They live together and have known each other for over 10 years. These two do everything together. I enjoy the company of the both of them, together and separately. My issue is that they DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER! When he is at work, I spend time with her and have a blast. But she will cut our plans short if he gets out of work early. For example, we were going out to lunch and just got to the restaurant when she decided to leave instead of eating because he sent her a message saying he was getting out soon. She left so she could meet up with him and walk home. Seriously - she left me standing at the restaurant!

I understand couples spend time together, but I find it ridiculous that two adults feel the need to check in with each other and have to run their plans by the other. Is this normal? Is this what "being in a relationship" is supposed to be? Because I haven't been that suffocated since I was a child. Where is the freedom?

I have only ever seen them apart for a period of about 6 hours and they are texting sporadically throughout this time. This can't be healthy. I have talked to them about my view of all this and they just brush me off as simply being unromantic (which actually isn't the case).

Is this normal? If not, is there anything I can say or do? Or do I really just need to sit on the sidelines and watch this all play out? At times I feel suffocated by it all and I'm not even in the relationship!
** I wanted to add this in because there seems to be some negativity and confusion.**

I do not feel left out at all. I am always invited to whatever they decide to do. I just find it odd that their daily activities from something as silly as to where she and I eat lunch are based on what he thinks. And for those of you whose answer is for me to get in my own relationship - that's just ignorant. I didn't mention whether I was single or not. That has nothing to do with this.

I just want to know if this is considered normal or not. None of my relationships have ever been this way. I just don't understand that why being in a committed relationship suddenly means you are devoid of individuality.

 

[Minerva]

other people's intimacies and rapports are not your business. you can only decide what it is you want for yourself. if you judge others then you will be judged. you need to get into a relationship and stop fixating on other people

 

[Lolliskins]

woooah, u are definitely not alone on that one!! there's a difference in being romantic and just plain on clingy... everyone is different i guess.. i can go for months without seeing my partner.. its difficult, and no doubt i miss him..but i think the whole 6 hours thing is hilarious ahaha.. i think the girl would just crumble if she was single at this point.. shes definitely not a independent person..

 

[piscesisme]

Yes, I think I would be annoyed if she had done the same thing to me, but they have a relationship that obviously is what they want, although doing what she did at the restaurant was very rude and not that of a true friend.
The only think I can suggest is that instead of going out with her, i am sure you have other friends that you could spend time with, and I dont mean not invite her, yes invite her but not to everything, and then if she decides to attend and he beckons her and she leaves, that is her choice, at least you still wont be left standing you will have your other friends to have a meal with and enjoy a night out. I would not be asking her out again by herself and just you, she is unreliable, and honestly friends like that you can do without, so as I say, occasionally invite her along, but make sure it is only once in awhile, she has shown you that he life rotates around her guy, and that she would rather be with him than you, so you must now let her know, that your life does not rotate around her, that you have other friends and intend on spending time with them more often now. If by some chance she asks you why your not spending the time with her, then tell her politely and leave it at that. Who know you might find yourself a nice guy while your out enjoying life without her mucking up your arrangements. Good Luck to you

 

[Prince]

just go get a boyfriend

 

[GuardianA]

your right, it is unhealthy if you keep tabs on each other

one of the fundamental principles of a loving relationship is the freedom you give to each other because if its true love, youll trust and come back to each other... if its not, youll drift and leave that relationship which wasnt what you truly desired.....

it does become bordering on obsessive if you keep tabs and start spying and then whats next may enter the nasty side

to love is to set it free... to nurture and grow not hold and imprison......

cheers

 

[KelaWong]

Well this may be tough.
This kind of behavior probably won't last forever. It may wear off sooner or later. But maybe you should just wait. I think that's the best solution.
Maybe talk to you friend about it. Say how you feel about you being left out.
Hope all goes well

 

[KelaWong]

Well this may be tough.
This kind of behavior probably won't last forever. It may wear off sooner or later. But maybe you should just wait. I think that's the best solution.
Maybe talk to you friend about it. Say how you feel about you being left out.
Hope all goes well