AngelineKing
New member
- Mar 23, 2011
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...laugh! What do you think? > Quickie #1
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> Tie me up, she purred, and you can do anything you want.
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
> Quickie #2
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!
> The husband said, Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?
> Doesn't matter, she said. Just get the hell out.
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> Can you read this? the optician asked.
> Read it? the Polish guy replied, I know the guy.
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.
> Thank God, said an elderly nun at the back. I'm so tired of
>chardonnay.
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> Careful, he said, CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!
> The wife stared at him. What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?
> The husband calmly replied, I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving.
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a
>very sexy nightie.
> Tie me up, she purred, and you can do anything you want.
> So he tied her up and went fishing.
> Quickie #2
>
> A woman came home, screeching! her car into the driveway, and ran
>into the house.
> She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, Honey,
>pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!
> The husband said, Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
>mountain stuff?
> Doesn't matter, she said. Just get the hell out.
>
> Quickie #3
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and
>the other is a husband.
>
> Quickie #4
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
> The optician showed him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
> Can you read this? the optician asked.
> Read it? the Polish guy replied, I know the guy.
>
> Quickie #5
>
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, I
>must tell you all
> something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.
> Thank God, said an elderly nun at the back. I'm so tired of
>chardonnay.
>
> Quickie #6
>
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
> Careful, he said, CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
>You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We
>need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're
>going to STICK!
> Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when
>you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST
>your mind?
> Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them.
>Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!
> The wife stared at him. What in the world is wrong with you? You
>think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?
> The husband calmly replied, I wanted to show you what it feels like
>when I'm driving.
>
> Quickie #7
>
> Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North
> Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
> On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.
> That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
> On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
> That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
> On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
> The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years