what is the norm for how often couples's see each other?

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Raven

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May 19, 2008
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After some convincing. I agreed to go out with a guy I'd spent a couple of weeks getting to know.

I thought we were having a good time, his friends and family seemed to like me (from what he told me). Then 3 weeks into our relationship I called to see if he wanted to something that night, to which he replied, 'uh, actually, could you give me a call tomorrow, I want to talk about us'

of course I knew what this meant and I brought it up that second. Basically he didn't want to see me anymore because "I was in the way" and that he is a "loner"

Is up to 4 evenings a week to much for a fresh relationship? I guess I just expected that we'd want to be a part of each other's lives. If it is, I guess I'm just used to fully sharing my life with a partner.

Do I adjust what I want out of a relationship because it is unreasonable and not how people date these days,

Or, was it just one of those things and I should not apply it to everyone.
I really need to know these things so my heart can stop breaking.
 
well...when one is dating ..I would say ..about 3 to 4 times a week..is ok...for next step..is moving in together or getting married...and that is
seeing each other everyday ofcourse.
 
4 nights a week is way to much... once or twice a week if use are free... my and my gf live like a fair bit away so we only see each other once or twice a week. i think dis keeps things fresh and use dont get bored wit each others company
 
Well, it really depends on certain things. If you go out with a guy in the same school, and spend time with each other during school, then that sometimes might be enough with the other partner. But if you guys dont, then its probably vice versa. But, he is saying that he is a loner, he is not breaking up with you because of you, its because of him! He is more of a independent folk so... he probably doesnt need a girlfriend. Dont worry, you should just move on, or at least try :)
 
“Too much” is different for every person.

FYI, this is a dating, not a marriage question. Married people generally see each other every day. I have no idea what dating is like these days.
 
Maybe it was just him. A lot of other people like spending time with one another. Maybe he was just to busy with his life that he didn't actually need or want a girl i guess.
 
You dont match up so end it. He may have just said that becasue he wanted out and that was a good reason. Dont contact him.
 
Most people take it a little slower than that at the very beginning of a relationship. One easy way to tell if you are on the same page - are you the one making all the plans? Or is he initiating getting together too?
 
No, 4 times a week sounds pretty normal - but that guy is not.

I would not worry about it. You cannot predict or change for the freaks of the world.

It sounds like he did not really want to be in a relationship in the first place.
 
You just found someone that you got along with, but you have different expectations on what made up a relationship. You need to find someone who wants the same things that you do, do lower your expectations.
 
you need to find a guy that loves spending time with you as much as you love spending time with them. And you may think there is no way a guy could want to spend that much time with me. Well it is possible my ex didnt want alot to do with me and now i got someone who wants to be with me all the time.
 
There's no "norm", it's different for each couple. For me, it's usually spontaneous - sometimes it's twice a week, sometimes it's almost every day; depending on what we're doing and what other things are going on with us. If he had to tell you directly that you were "in the way", then whatever it was you guys had going wasn't working for him. I'm guessing you were calling him all the time wanting to meet up, and he wasn't ready for an involved relationship. Just because his friends "like" you, doesn't make you two compatible. Are you finding yourself to be the one always initiating contact? Stop calling him, let him call you. Perhaps he simply isn't as interested in you as you thought he was. If he wants to date you, he'll call you, I guarantee it.
 
It can be... It all depends on the connection of the two people. I know my husband and I saw each other just about every night of the week when we were starting out dating. For us, we were boyfriend and girlfriend... a couple. Not just seeing each other. What was the status of this relationship? I would assume BF/GF if you've been introduced the family?
 
sounds like he got cold feet. Some "people" prefer to keep things simple, which is fine, but if you are looking for more, better to find out early in the relationship.
 
It depends on the people, but no, 4 evenings a week wouldn't be too much for a fresh relationship to me. Others might want to start off more slowly, and some dive in and are together almost daily after a month, but it sounds like this guy was just making an excuse.

We married folks see each other daily, and enjoy being joined at the hip sometimes. You just found the wrong guy, not the wrong frequency for seeing each other.
 
Yes, some people need to start off slower than 4x a week and need to gradually incorporate the other person into their life.

I would suggest 1 to 2X per week for the first 6 weeks and the go to 3 or more time thereafter.
 
Guys dont like girls calling the shots so early in the relationship. Can you blame him? He barely knows you and you're expecting him to spend even MORE of his precious time with you?What will you be like when you're actually SERIOUS??

I dated my husband ( then a single working man) maybe 3 , 4 times a month. Now he gets to be with me everyday.

Read "The Rules" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider.

It may help you in dealing with men in the future ( basically not make a fool/ass/harpy/clingy or any of those impressions of yourself)
 
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