I've heard of people staying together 50+ years in the older days, BUT now they stay together an average of 5 years. What has changed that people can NOT commit ?How long have you been with your loved one ?
in the old days...... divorce was a no no.... therefore you had some couples staying together because they did not want to be blackballed by society.for others...... divorce was not an option...... so you made sure going in that the person you were marring was the right person for you...... also because divorce was not an option..... people worked harder on making it work.Today .... there is no longer a taboo about getting a divorce.... so at the first sign that things are not going perfect....... poof...... one will leave and file for divorce.
People have no morals or loyalty these days. If they arent happy they cheat instead of talking it out. People have serious problems with being fake. Keep it real and honest and your relationship will last. I also think people get married and in relationships for the wrong reasons, like money and stability, not love. Love is soo important in a relationship and not to love them, but to be in love. That makes a huge difference. People are getting married because the girl gets pregnant, thats no reason either. Love only!
My inlaws were married 50 years last year. Married when they were 18 and 20. Back in the 40, 50, 60's that is all people did. They went to high school and looked for a spouse. No career options for women. No day cares really either. Women just married, stayed at home etc. There was a stigma attached to being single and older as a women. They never knew they could do anything else. Some really enjoyed their spouse and stayed. Some didn't but stayed anyway. Now people rush into having a wedding and not a marriage. They are having sex, babies and everything before even getting married. People don't take the time to get to know each other. They think things will work out like a chick flick or a soap opera and they are shocked when it doesn't.
One of the reasons relatioships and marriages do not work out because people aren't willing to forgive when one of them cheated. If the man cheated the woman will forgive 70% and the couple will stay together - but she may throw it up in an argument. If the woman cheats-the man will not forgive the relationship is OVER!
People don't take marriage seriously, nor do they want to do the work to build a lasting bond. The meaning and value of commitment is lost, and people are more focused on themselves and their own selfish needs.It is sad that so many people said divorce doesn't hurt children, when that is so obviously untrue. Divorce devastates children (unless it saves them from abuse).
just because marriages lasted like that in the old days, doesn't mean that anyone was necessarily better off, or that they have some ancient secret and we here today haven't cracked the code of. divorce wasn't so much an option for them back in the day. yes it did exist, but it was still very taboo. you get divorced, and you were outcast from your friends, family, even society. most people then looked at marriage as this was it, there is no way out, EVER. regardless of the bad that came with it. granted, we today take advantage of the whole concept of divorce, and use it for reasons that are purely selfish and unnecessary. all you have to do is look at the stats on how many married couples divorce, then end up remarrying each other within 5 years of the divorce. today, we don't look at marriage as being another job, requiring work and maintenence. we look at it as woohoo....i've got a guarantee sex partner for life, maybe have some kids, go on some amazing trips, and it'll all be fun, fun, fun playing house.
People used to marry for other reasons than love. Now we all are looking for love. Back in the day the saying was "first we get married, then we fall in love" Divorce is more excepted now, so people are much more quick to get one. George Bernard Shaw decribed marriage as an institution that brings together people "under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part." We all expect that fairy tale romance. We all expect the butterflies that we feel at the beginning of a new relationship to last forever, but when it doesn't we think that it isn't love. I have been married for 3 years now. We fight all the time, but we still love each other. We can't live without each other.
Actually, Billy, the change has very little to do with commitment.In the past, women were viewed as "property" of their fathers. A woman was found a suitable match, and married off - she then became the "property" of her husband. She went from being totally dependant on her father to being totally dependant on her husband. She didn't have a choice to leave her husband if he beat her, or drank away all the money..The women's movement in the 70's forced the world to open thier eyes to the issues women faced, and it was a huge societal shift that allowed women to be treated equal to men in the workforce. When women realized they had their own earning power and were no longer dependant on their husbands to support them, they found themselves with the freedom to leave bad marriages. The shift away from the church (which also places men in a position of dominance over women) was one of the effects of the movement, as women were quietly beginning to believe in thier own worth and support each other's struggles. The shift away from the oppression in the church enabled women to divorce thier spouses and actually thrive in the world. This would never have been supported in your grand-mother's day...
Been married 12 years...split a few times...the world today is just too scandoulous and treacherous. Too much infidelity and dishonesty. Porn has taken over the mionds of many and that is what destroys marriages. The way people dress is another factor as well. Back in the olden days there were no daisy dukes. People were more respectful back then. Not anymore. It's all about sex now....it's a shame.
well for one thing back in the days most women didn't work they stayed home and took care of the kids but now a days women have careers and they are not putting up with men's sh** so i would say that has alot to do with it
He died 9 years into our marriage!!To answer your question: in the olden days we had real families--husband went to work and was the bread winner, mom was a homemaker and raised the kids---so mom put up with a lot more b.s. then women are willing to put up with today.....it's mostly women who walk away from a relationship.To make a relationship/marriage work both have to put in 100% and you hardly find couples now who are willing to do that. In addition, a lot of couples do think that great sex and being in love will solve all their problems--and that's not the case, so they break up when they fall off cloud nine. Good communication and acceptance is the key of every lasting relationship....
Divorce is too easy these days and it is acceptable. Back then you didn't dare get divorced, now people go in knowing if they don't like they can just leave. My husband and I have been married ten years in Sept. and barring an abusive situation better or worse is what me agreed to and that is what we are stuck with.
Because in todays society divorce is an acceptable act back then you were scorned for it.. Plus there is so much more pressure in a realtionship these days..Money issues, work issues, drugs.. You name it its there..
Married 4 times and divorced 3. My life has not been a good example to others when it comes to marriage. I regret it.Your question is a good one and I'm not sure about anyone else but myself.First marriage was for 12 years and we lived 30 yards from my in-laws. Nuf said.Second marriage was less then a year and I had a small child and didn't want a man in my house around my son if we were not married. Stupid choice. My son hated him and he stole from me and tried to beat me up several times. Third marriage ended when the guy was cheating on me with his co-worker and we weren't intimate for over a year. He said I didn't need him. I was commited and wanted to make it work but after the divorce he told me he cheated on me. So, I didn't want him anyway.I'm currently married right now and my husband is very good to me. I have not a worry one about him cheating and he lets me be me and he respects my independence. My son is now 22 and we help him with college expenses and this makes me so very happy that he helps me help my son. This is it for me. If anything ever happened I would never marry again.My son's father and I get along great we are good friends. I even see the third ex-husband on occassion and we talk. I am civil with all but the one who tried to kill me. I feel very lucky and say to myself that I don't need any one person...I want them in my life. It's a conscious choice and means more then needing anyone.
Just because people stayed together 50 years didn't mean the relationships were good or that people were happy. In the old days they often stayed together out of necessity (wife raised kids and kept up house and husband brought home money). My parents have been making each other miserable for 50 years. That being said, these days people are often selfish and immature, drink, do drugs, waste money, and expect their partners to take care of them, then wonder why their relationships don't work. Only now people don't HAVE to stay with anyone.I finally threw out my drinking first husband after 8 years (after many years of trying to fix the relationship myself - he refused to get help). That was 14 years ago. I remarried a wonderful man 3 years ago.
They didn't work in the old days either, but people couldn't afford divorce financially or socially. The stigma on people who didn't get married or who got divorced was like a bunch of prison guards keeping everyone in crappy marriages. That's why cheating was so rampant in men (their wives wouldn't put out at all and got fat, etc.). Women also cheated if they thought they could get away with it, but many turned to church to bury their pain. All that past stuff about happy relationships was a big fat lie.
I believe that one of the reasons was moral shame, and also divorce being harder to obtain. Many people these days put more value on their jobs then they do their marriages. The rise in the infidelity in the work place is proof of that. People don't value their loved ones as much as they used to because of the rise in immorality in our societies. Many people are waxing worse and worse in their sinful behavior.I started dating my husband 14 years ago, and we have been married for 8 years. We have two children ages 11 and 5.