Poll: Do you like my poem? It's called "Meet me at the ice cream truck"?

S

SeñorPedro

New member
Dec 29, 2012
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Meet me at the ice cream truck
I'll buy you an ice cream
I'll whip out my drumstick that will make your eyes gleam
Lick it up quick before it melts on the floor
Gobble up the the dribbles or you won't get no more

I had trouble coming up with an ending but think it turned out rather strong. i was considering adding a bit more, but dont want to write too much and make the poem lose any of it's strength.
 
I think you could add a lot more creativity by listing other ice creams the ice cream truck sells and continuing on with how all those ice creams make you feel, etc. I think not only would it make your poem more creative, but the strength of it would be substantially better. Right now, I'm drawn in but it ended far too quickly. You have the push-pop, the firecracker, the ice cream sandwich, the fudgsicle to work with just to name a few! You poem title is perfect and the first two lines hold the basis of what this poem is about. Just develop it some more with other ice creams!
 
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