http://www.wattpad.com/story/1874654-then-came-the-marchers
http://www.wattpad.com/6062075-1719
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1713635-brianna
Asmond trudged down the narrow street that led to his family home. Thick, heavy fog was hovering around him, seeming to create a small gap where he was standing, then rushing to fill it in as soon as he moved. His glasses kept fogging up and he continually had to take them off and wipe them, although, as he thought grimly, it made little difference to his vision. Miserable weather, he thought to himself. Why does it have to stay here? Why can't it go plague the Australians or the Indians or something. They always get good weather. He kicked at a stone on the side of the path, but it proved more solidly grounded than he anticipated and he tripped, swore, picked himself up and hobbled along. He tried whistling, to liven his mood up a little, but he couldn't hear it over the wind so he abandoned the attempt.
Star turned around to Eventide, breathing heavily and eyes flashing.
“How dare you say such things about my family? Mama, and Papa, and Andre, who housed me, took care of me and- and loved me! I'm sure that's more than you've ever done for anyone! You go and bother your pretty little head about your politics and your resilience and your patience and your- oh whatever else! I don't care! I never wanted to come here! I hate this place! I hate it and I hate you! I bet you've never uttered a kind word in your life! I wanted to stay with them! They loved me and cared for me better than anyone in this hateful place has ever done! I bet my real Mother was a better teacher and elf than you'll ever be! I wish she was still alive, then I bet she would-”
“Stop.” The word was quiet,but it carried more power than it could if Eventide had yelled it. She turned around, head held high. “You go too far. Take her away.” With that, her guards grabbed Star and marched her away. That didn't stop her uttering the last words:
“You'll regret bringing me here, Eventide! You may lock me up or threaten me with harsh words or bribe me with riches, but I will get my revenge, Eventide. I swear upon the lives of my family, I will.”
Eventide didn't blink. She didn't say anything as Star was taken away to her bower. She just held her head high and stared at a spot beyond the forest.
But as soon as they were gone, Eventide turned and ran. She ran for hours. She ran until after midnight. Then she tripped on a bramble in her bare feet, fell on the ground, and wept.
BTW, the last 2 are from the same story...
Which would you think is the best? Can you make out any patterns in my writing style?
http://www.wattpad.com/6062075-1719
http://www.wattpad.com/story/1713635-brianna
Asmond trudged down the narrow street that led to his family home. Thick, heavy fog was hovering around him, seeming to create a small gap where he was standing, then rushing to fill it in as soon as he moved. His glasses kept fogging up and he continually had to take them off and wipe them, although, as he thought grimly, it made little difference to his vision. Miserable weather, he thought to himself. Why does it have to stay here? Why can't it go plague the Australians or the Indians or something. They always get good weather. He kicked at a stone on the side of the path, but it proved more solidly grounded than he anticipated and he tripped, swore, picked himself up and hobbled along. He tried whistling, to liven his mood up a little, but he couldn't hear it over the wind so he abandoned the attempt.
Star turned around to Eventide, breathing heavily and eyes flashing.
“How dare you say such things about my family? Mama, and Papa, and Andre, who housed me, took care of me and- and loved me! I'm sure that's more than you've ever done for anyone! You go and bother your pretty little head about your politics and your resilience and your patience and your- oh whatever else! I don't care! I never wanted to come here! I hate this place! I hate it and I hate you! I bet you've never uttered a kind word in your life! I wanted to stay with them! They loved me and cared for me better than anyone in this hateful place has ever done! I bet my real Mother was a better teacher and elf than you'll ever be! I wish she was still alive, then I bet she would-”
“Stop.” The word was quiet,but it carried more power than it could if Eventide had yelled it. She turned around, head held high. “You go too far. Take her away.” With that, her guards grabbed Star and marched her away. That didn't stop her uttering the last words:
“You'll regret bringing me here, Eventide! You may lock me up or threaten me with harsh words or bribe me with riches, but I will get my revenge, Eventide. I swear upon the lives of my family, I will.”
Eventide didn't blink. She didn't say anything as Star was taken away to her bower. She just held her head high and stared at a spot beyond the forest.
But as soon as they were gone, Eventide turned and ran. She ran for hours. She ran until after midnight. Then she tripped on a bramble in her bare feet, fell on the ground, and wept.
BTW, the last 2 are from the same story...
Which would you think is the best? Can you make out any patterns in my writing style?