Okay, so this is the very beginning of the book I'm currently writing, though it doesn't say much about what it is about. I only want to know if this piece catches your attention, lures you in to keep reading? Please read and critique 
Blackness… death… betrayal…
It was just black where ever I looked.
There was fear, for what was to come. Anticipation for knowing what was going to happen.
I felt wet, soaked. I peered down at my unmoving hands and gasped in horror. There was a faint hint of crimson liquid dripping from my red hands. Was it blood? I had no doubt about it. I inhaled, and got the salty scent that could only be blood.
Warily, as if moving too quickly I might die, I looked down at my body. I was completely naked, drenched with blood. There were huge gaping lines that looked awfully familiar, and I could feel my stomach rolling into all directions.
The wounds stretched in two lines from my neck to my right breast, and it seemed quite fatal. But the thing is, I didn’t feel any hint of pain, just tingly all over.
Am I dead?
I didn’t think so. I was breathing, but it didn’t change the fact that it was inky black in all directions. Where was I, why was I here, was I in hell?
Hell.
“What the heck!” I said, but my voice sounded echo-y, faint. The tingling disappeared, a numb feeling creeping over. I couldn’t move a muscle, only my eyelids and mouth. It was like I was frozen in place, like if I moved I might break into gazillion pieces. Paralyzed…
I wanted to run into all directions at once, free and unfreeze-able, but it didn’t matter anymore.
“Nothing does anymore” I spoke my thoughts aloud, and as my words echoed into the unending blackness, something abrupt happened. I unfroze and fell to the ground (or whatever it was), and screamed as the force of it hit me.
There was a deafening crack, sounding a lot like thunder before a huge storm, tearing through the awful, death-like silence. Like someone tearing a black page, the opening in front of me tore into a passage of white, brilliant light.
I could see someone standing in the bright light, a dark silhouette in contrast to the light, but my eyes couldn’t adjust enough to see who he was or how he looked like. All I knew was my heart skipped a beat and my hand reached to the light, tears streaming down my cheeks in utter joy. I wasn’t alone after all.
I stood up and walked to the torn-page light, and when I reached it, everything was as white and bright as the blackness had been and it made my eyes go blind. I screamed when there was an awful moment of searing pain and agony, before everything disappeared.
Okay, sooo... how is it? Please, no mean answers, this is my first story and I'm 14, so my writing isn't the best. Though tips, advice, corrections are all welcome and would be greatly appreciated!
Blackness… death… betrayal…
It was just black where ever I looked.
There was fear, for what was to come. Anticipation for knowing what was going to happen.
I felt wet, soaked. I peered down at my unmoving hands and gasped in horror. There was a faint hint of crimson liquid dripping from my red hands. Was it blood? I had no doubt about it. I inhaled, and got the salty scent that could only be blood.
Warily, as if moving too quickly I might die, I looked down at my body. I was completely naked, drenched with blood. There were huge gaping lines that looked awfully familiar, and I could feel my stomach rolling into all directions.
The wounds stretched in two lines from my neck to my right breast, and it seemed quite fatal. But the thing is, I didn’t feel any hint of pain, just tingly all over.
Am I dead?
I didn’t think so. I was breathing, but it didn’t change the fact that it was inky black in all directions. Where was I, why was I here, was I in hell?
Hell.
“What the heck!” I said, but my voice sounded echo-y, faint. The tingling disappeared, a numb feeling creeping over. I couldn’t move a muscle, only my eyelids and mouth. It was like I was frozen in place, like if I moved I might break into gazillion pieces. Paralyzed…
I wanted to run into all directions at once, free and unfreeze-able, but it didn’t matter anymore.
“Nothing does anymore” I spoke my thoughts aloud, and as my words echoed into the unending blackness, something abrupt happened. I unfroze and fell to the ground (or whatever it was), and screamed as the force of it hit me.
There was a deafening crack, sounding a lot like thunder before a huge storm, tearing through the awful, death-like silence. Like someone tearing a black page, the opening in front of me tore into a passage of white, brilliant light.
I could see someone standing in the bright light, a dark silhouette in contrast to the light, but my eyes couldn’t adjust enough to see who he was or how he looked like. All I knew was my heart skipped a beat and my hand reached to the light, tears streaming down my cheeks in utter joy. I wasn’t alone after all.
I stood up and walked to the torn-page light, and when I reached it, everything was as white and bright as the blackness had been and it made my eyes go blind. I screamed when there was an awful moment of searing pain and agony, before everything disappeared.
Okay, sooo... how is it? Please, no mean answers, this is my first story and I'm 14, so my writing isn't the best. Though tips, advice, corrections are all welcome and would be greatly appreciated!