What Do You Think Of My First Chapter In My Story?

NoaheP

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Dec 13, 2010
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hope you like it :) The Chronicles of an Undercover Hero

Chapter One – Doomed.

Dark, dusty, musky, and rotten. Being tied up in this basement isn’t one way I would like to spend my Christmas holidays. Everything is always so damn busy when you’re trying to actually save this state from mere destruction. Living these two separate lives aren’t very, how can I put it, “simple” in many ways. The rope tied tightly around my arms burned with agonizing pain. Oh god, here they come. Time for my 2:00 beating. Yay. Oh crap, knives. Knives are not really a good thing for a 16 year old secret hero . Yah I know it sounds plain stupid. 16 year old saves Washington from plane terrorism and blah, blah, blah! Sometimes I just wish I could be a normal kid without having my own agency of hero’s. Well I’m the only hero so it’s not really an agency isn’t it. I really sound like an Agent Cody Banks wannabe. But trust me, this is a whole lot different. Well journal, I think it is best I go for now before i get it taken away . Crack heads they are, let me tell you.



“ So, finally time to kill me huh guys? Well good luck. The SWAT team are on their way and guess what? You guys are going to jail, you guys are going to jail!” I said in a singsong voice. Of course I didn’t call the SWAT team, I’m broke as hell and I can’t afford a pay phone.

These enemies aren’t like an old cartoon enemy. Both are very muscular with a snake like look on their face. Flaming orange eyes glared at mine. I was actually scared for once.

“ You did what? Nice goin’ smart aleck for putting a pay phone in here when we have company.” The enemy said to his partner.

“ Well, it’s not my fault you wanted an some extra phone usage in this building huh Bill?”

“Just kill him already okay Sam?” Bill replied.

“Whatever, Give me the knife.” Sam told Bill in a shaky voice.



Crap, this is not good at all. They’re going to kill me! Oh, and I’m Xander. Pronounced like Zander. People call my Ex – ander because I am a ladies man at school meaning of all of the girls I have gone out with. They don’t get the point the it’s pronounced Zan-der. I guess I am kind of self centered. Anyway, I felt something crinkle in my pocket. Of course! My partner James gave me a note before I left just in case i got in trouble. I yanked it out of my pocket and oh no, i dropped it! Bill picked it up. He read it aloud.





“ Use your mad ninja skills! Kick their butts!”

Your Favourite Pal , James.

This is great. Just great. I knew i shouldn’t have picked James as my partner. I should have just left him as my best friend. He is so stupid! Oh god, here come the guys!



“ Just, stab. Not that hard.” Bill said.

“ I...I...I can’t do it Bill, I’m sorry. Look at him. He’s only 16. Give him a chance.”

“ What the hell Sam! Just let him go i guess. If i ever see you again kid, i will kill you. Get it. Kill. Kill. Kill!” Bill said angrily.

“ Uh, yes your majest - I mean , yes sir.”



They untied my arms first. I yanked them out of the rope. Surprisingly, they didn’t have any rope burns. But they hurt like anything though.



“See yah suckas!” I yelled while I ran to the door.

“ Kid! Come back here now so I can give you a talkin’ too before you run off --.” Bill yelled with force.

“ Leave him be Bill. Just leave him.” Sam said calmly.

“ Alright. Don’t come back , okay kid?”



I was surprised that Sam was actually nice under all of his muscles. He even had a heart to let me go. The wind was rushing through my long shaggy hair. I was sprinting so fast that I almost tripped over air (if that is even possible). He threatened to kill me if I ever showed my face again so I was pretty nervous! Then I remembered. My journal....

my main character IS SUPPOSED to be self centered just so yah know :)
i also posted it on Wattpad.com so check it out and leave comments there as well :)
 
YES YES YES!! I like it!! :DDDDD
Could u see if u like my story??thx!!!
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20101213140722AA8mX5J
stealing..
 
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