Weird/Embarrasing things your parents have said?

I found the site assparade on my dad's history once and I fapped to it for a while and one day my mom caught me so I blamed it on my dad. She bought it and I didn't get in any trouble. They ain't too smart. The conversation went like this.

Mom: what the hell are you watching!!!!!( my pants weren't down yet)
Me: I found it on dad's history I don't know what it is.
Mom: turn this on I want to know what this is.
Me: ( opens a video)
Mom: oh my god! Don't look at this.
Me: ok
Mom: ( phones dad) I found out that you're looking at porn. You're in trouble.
Me: (chuckles) Well. I'm going to school.
 
i have two:

once my dad got home from work. he was driving the car he bought me. i asked him how it handled he said: "it's tight like puss."

another one from my dad. me and some friends were at the store. we saw a case of Jones cream soda on the shelf. the case had a picture of a girls butt on it. my dad (who is married) said the woman "had one hot ass" this wouldnt be that bad except my dad is married and it was in front of my friends.
 
I literally just sat down and my mom got home from work so i didnt think anything of it
 
My friends mom is mexican and she has the funniest accent, well anyway it goes down like this.... we were hanging out with 3 girls when this happened.

me: So dude what are we doing tonight.

friend: who knows.

friends mom: ohhh, I was looking through the old pictures and I found one of you when you were a baby.

friend: mom put that shit away, nobody cares.

friends mom: awww look at his little dingly, I hope it grew a little bit since this picture was taken.

She then went up and pinched his cheeks before returning to her room. I almost died laughing.
 
we were in destin florida for vacation
me, my mom, dad, aunt, uncle, bro, and some cousins were done at the beach at about 8:30 pm
my mom, dad, aunt, and uncle were WASTED!
i was playing catch with my bro....trying to spot some ladies....cus you kno....you dont wanna just sit on a beach chair....see some1 whos hot...walk up and start talkin....you wanna look like a pro at this and kno what ur doin.....but anyways.....we were throwing the football.....and like.....some really fat girls walk by and im like.....asdklhdlhj....ew....so we continue....then the hollister fan club walks by with some girls....and im just like....those guys are ***.....so i go over to my mom to get the key to go upstairs....and some really hot girls a lil older then me walk by.....now remember my family was WASTED!....and my mom yelled "HEY ANDREW! THERE ARE SOME GIRLS RIGHT THERE YOU CAN TALK TO!"....she knew i was lookin for some hunnies....and she like pointed right at them and then me....the ladies turned and laughed....and i was like.....holy ****....STFU!
 
Me and my friend were at the grocery store with his dad and we bought milk. When he paid for it the cashier said "Do you want your milk in the bag?" And joking but in a serious voice said "No, I want it in the jug." The cashier looked at him like he was retarded.
 
Hey, can you put some more periods in your story. I don't know if I understood it with the lack of periods. :dodgy:
 
Lets see. I think I've got a few. Oh!
I was on a ski lift with one of my best friends, hes about 2 1/2 years older than me, we grew up together. Well he had this girl along with him, shes just about deaf, but she had hearing aids and she can read lips. Well we were on seperate lifts, I was spread out all comfy like, and the two of them were together.
He yells to me, "Hey Arlen!",
Me:"What douche?!"
Him:"Tell us the story about the time you got caught looking at porn and decided to play it off as a popup!"
Me:"Fuck you!"
Then proceeded to tell the girl loudly. Because shes deaf, about my wonderful experience, and she looked back at me, and laughed, and there was this church group of young girls right behind me, and they heard it all, they then started singing christmas carols, and taking sly looks at me.

That was a kick.
 
I was in a McDonald's with my parents and best friend on the way home from vacation over the summer. I had ordered a steak, egg and cheese bagel and my dad had gotten a sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. I guess he was eyeing my sandwich because his was pretty small and my mom goes "he's jealous because your meat is hanging out."
 
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