FairyCupCakePrincess_xx
New member
- May 15, 2008
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What did one tampon say to another one?
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches. :blush:
Nothing, they were both stuck up bitches. :blush:
tell me your best mama joke or any joke
- Thread starter MaartenD
- Start date
JoeyMichaels
New member
- May 20, 2008
- 7
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^ that was ok
How do you make a dead baby float?
Take your foot off of it's head.
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
Take your foot off of it's head.
How many dead babies can fit in a barrel?
4 1/2.
What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.
What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.
What's the best thing about a Siamese twin baby?
Threesomes.
What is red and creeps up your leg?
A homesick abortion
What's red and lies in all four corners of the room?
A baby that's been playing with a chainsaw.
What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas ?
Cancer.
What's white and bobs up and down in a baby's crib ?
A Pedophiles ass.
What's the safest way to play with a baby ?
With a condom.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
* What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
* What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
* What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.
* What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.
A Pedophiles ass.
What's the safest way to play with a baby ?
With a condom.
Why do babies have a soft spot in their heads?
So you can pick them up five at a time
What's pink and red and silver and crawls into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
* What's grosser than gross?
A garbage can full of dead babies.
* What's grosser than that?
The one at the bottom is still alive.
* What's grosser than that?
He has to eat his way to freedom.
* What's grosser than that?
He goes back for more.
americangirls
New member
- Apr 23, 2008
- 10
- 0
- 1
yo moma should not have forgoten the pill (thread starter)
A couple from here
Your mom is so fat and emo she cuts herself and bleeds butter.
Your mom is such a slut that she has hepatitis A through Omega and will soon be moving into Japanese letters.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a pizza?
I've never eaten a whole pizza in one sitting.
A penguin was on vacation when his car broke down. He had it towed to a mechanic, who said he'd know what was wrong in about an hour. So the penguin goes to the ice cream parlor across the street, orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, and buries his face in it (seeing as he can't eat it with a spoon, because he has wings). So, gets done, realizes it's been over an hour, and runs back to the auto shop. The mechanic says "Well, Mr. Penguin, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Oh no, that's just ice cream".
An old woman goes outside to smoke, but it's raining out and she doesn't want her cigarette to get wet. She notices that her neighbor is smoking, but has her cigarette covered by a thin condom, and decides to try it out. So, she drives over to the pharmacy and starts looking at condoms, trying to find the thin ones like her neighbor had. The pharmacist walks over and asks if she needs help, and the woman says "Yes, actually. Do you have any condoms that will fit a Camel?"
Your mom is so fat and emo she cuts herself and bleeds butter.
Your mom is such a slut that she has hepatitis A through Omega and will soon be moving into Japanese letters.
What's the difference between a dead baby and a pizza?
I've never eaten a whole pizza in one sitting.
A penguin was on vacation when his car broke down. He had it towed to a mechanic, who said he'd know what was wrong in about an hour. So the penguin goes to the ice cream parlor across the street, orders a big bowl of vanilla ice cream, and buries his face in it (seeing as he can't eat it with a spoon, because he has wings). So, gets done, realizes it's been over an hour, and runs back to the auto shop. The mechanic says "Well, Mr. Penguin, it looks like you blew a seal". The penguin replies "Oh no, that's just ice cream".
An old woman goes outside to smoke, but it's raining out and she doesn't want her cigarette to get wet. She notices that her neighbor is smoking, but has her cigarette covered by a thin condom, and decides to try it out. So, she drives over to the pharmacy and starts looking at condoms, trying to find the thin ones like her neighbor had. The pharmacist walks over and asks if she needs help, and the woman says "Yes, actually. Do you have any condoms that will fit a Camel?"
xmysticshad0wsx
New member
- Apr 11, 2008
- 19
- 0
- 1
Three men are going for a walk in town. They tell each other to split up, and meet back in one hour. So they all go their seperate ways.
The first guy sees a sign that says BlowJobs: 50 cents, and he couldn't resist, so he walked inside.
Half an hour later, the second guy sees a sign that says BlowJobs: 50 cents, he walked in to get pleasured as well.
At the one hour point, all three men met each other and ask what each had done.
The first guy says I got a blowjob!
The second guy said I got a blowjob as well.
The third guy says I made a dollar!
/end
The first guy sees a sign that says BlowJobs: 50 cents, and he couldn't resist, so he walked inside.
Half an hour later, the second guy sees a sign that says BlowJobs: 50 cents, he walked in to get pleasured as well.
At the one hour point, all three men met each other and ask what each had done.
The first guy says I got a blowjob!
The second guy said I got a blowjob as well.
The third guy says I made a dollar!
/end
AlexisInfectious®
Active member
- Apr 17, 2009
- 9,067
- 0
- 36
who tells yo momma jokes anymore? 
but anyways uhhh hmm heres a decent one:
your momma is so fat she stepped on the family dogs tail and they had to rename it beaver.
your momma is so fat she stepped on a dollar and made change...
but anyways uhhh hmm heres a decent one:your momma is so fat she stepped on the family dogs tail and they had to rename it beaver.
your momma is so fat she stepped on a dollar and made change...
ilovemessagetoo
New member
- Feb 18, 2008
- 27
- 0
- 1
jeez brah it seems like u have a "thing" for babys...
most of mine are racist.
here is one, not the best though.
there were these two gay guys having sex, one of them had to leave to get something. he told the other not to move or do anything. when he came back there was jizz on the wall and he said," i thought i told you not to do anything." the other guy said," i farted".
here is one, not the best though.
there were these two gay guys having sex, one of them had to leave to get something. he told the other not to move or do anything. when he came back there was jizz on the wall and he said," i thought i told you not to do anything." the other guy said," i farted".
nathan_pal
New member
- Mar 17, 2008
- 19
- 0
- 1
ha ha no
D4Pres2012
Member
- Feb 15, 2008
- 40
- 0
- 6
BLONDE JOKES!!!!!
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking......
And one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left arm and screamed, then she pushed on her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed and when she pushed on her ankle she screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said,'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said.
'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking......
And one blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away.......... Florida or the moon?'
The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ...?????'
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, 'What's the story?'
He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor'
She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?'
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replies in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together.
Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!'
RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?'
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You ARE on the other side.'
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left arm and screamed, then she pushed on her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed and when she pushed on her ankle she screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said,'You're not really a redhead, are you?
'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.'
'I thought so,' the doctor said.
'Your finger is broken.'
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway.
Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!'
'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!'
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day.
The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!'
The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'
The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!'
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.
'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!'
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn.
She rolled the dice and she landed on Science &Nature. Her question was,
'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?'
She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?'
FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex
Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond. 'They're watch dogs!'
whats the difference between a dead baby and my girlfriend.
i dont kiss my girlfriend after sex
*
what can you find in the kitchen that slowly gets smaller and smaller.
a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.
*
why cant helen keller(sp?) drive?
shes a woman.
*
what did helen kellers parents do to punsih her.
gave her a basketball.
*
whats helen kellers favorite song?
(silence)
*
why couldnt helen keller yell for help while getting raped.
the rapist gave her gloves.
*
wanna hear a joke?
womens rights.
*
a mexican a jew and an asian jump of a cliff. who hits the ground first?
who cares.
*
two mexican brothers own a sheep farm down in mexico. they decide that mexico is too hot so they decide they want to move up to canada. they also take the sheep with them. while they are on the play to canada (along with the sheep) one of the wings gets ripped off. brother 1 says to bro 2 "we have to get our parachutes and jump!" brother 2 says "but what about the sheep?" bro 1 "ahh fuck the sheep essay"
brother 2 says "you think we got time?"
i dont kiss my girlfriend after sex
*
what can you find in the kitchen that slowly gets smaller and smaller.
a baby combing its hair with a potato peeler.
*
why cant helen keller(sp?) drive?
shes a woman.
*
what did helen kellers parents do to punsih her.
gave her a basketball.
*
whats helen kellers favorite song?
(silence)
*
why couldnt helen keller yell for help while getting raped.
the rapist gave her gloves.
*
wanna hear a joke?
womens rights.
*
a mexican a jew and an asian jump of a cliff. who hits the ground first?
who cares.
*
two mexican brothers own a sheep farm down in mexico. they decide that mexico is too hot so they decide they want to move up to canada. they also take the sheep with them. while they are on the play to canada (along with the sheep) one of the wings gets ripped off. brother 1 says to bro 2 "we have to get our parachutes and jump!" brother 2 says "but what about the sheep?" bro 1 "ahh fuck the sheep essay"
brother 2 says "you think we got time?"