Taking the high Road

M

mehee

Member
Apr 19, 2008
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Hi all,

Tomorrow I'll be flying to MI. I've lived with my family all my life but tomorrow that changes. I'll be on my own.

As much as I'm looking forward to this, to be independent, I still have nostolgic feelings. I'm sure I can handle this but there is something that has been keping me up all night.

I met this beautiful person who I love to death. I'll be moving almost 2500 miles away so I won't be able to see her for a while. How does someone deal with loneliness?

I know this must sound ultra lame...but some of you guys must've had to deal with this.

Crap...
 
Phoning is fine...but, speaking as a woman, she will probably appreciate letters from you. Until you can set up the webcam thingy.

Good luck with your move.
 
You are 18 and probably going off to college. I wouldn't bother trying to keep it up with 2500 miles between you. If it was a couple hours away and you could drive up for the weekend I might try to keep it going. Honestly though. I've been in a long distance relationship before and it isn't bad. In fact it can be kinda nice if you are dedicated to what you do and don't have much time to keep up a steady relationship. In your case though, I would leave it alone and find a new chick (hello? College in Southern California?).
 
The choices we make, the changes they bring, and how we deal with those changes are a recurring, if not constant, part of life.

At age 18, leaving home for the first time, you're at one of the most dramatic turning points in your life. Someday you'll look back and see that some of the seemingly insignificant choices you made at this time, (where you hung out, and with who, where you live, where you work, what classes you take, etc.) had a profound impact on the shape and course of your life. My best friend of more than 30 years met me and his wife as a result of stopping and asking for directions... one five minute conversation literally changed the entire course of his life.

That's how it goes. You'll miss your family, you'll miss the girl, you'll suffer and be lonely as hell, and there's no sugarcoating it, and no set way to deal with it. Since you asked for advice I'll tell you to look ahead more than you look back. Focus on your reasons for being where you are, and embrace the opportunities that appear before you. You'll see uncharted territory and face challenges. You'll face the stresses of change, and you'll grow at levels and in ways you won't be able to perceive until you look back on them.
And if you're going to college you'll be in a babe rich environment, look ahead, not back, and expect and allow your girl to do the same.

Life is short young brother, charge ahead and relish every moment, even the painful ones. Someday you'll be an old fart like me and discover that some of your greatest treasures lie in the storehouse of memories you're making now.
 
In all honesty I just went through the same thing except my friend moved to London, just a tad bit farther, those international flights are pricey too. But the only thing I can tell you is get a kitty and do this. Get one kitty, add face rubbing...ENJOY!

http://i57.photobucket.com/albums/g211/ny2ks/kitten.jpg
 
I went through something similar. I was offered a job about 100 miles away that meant I'd need to move & probably would only get to see my girlfriend once a week at best. The thought of that made me feel really lonely even though I hadn't taken the job yet. I eventually decided against taking it so I could stay with her. Sometimes you have to sacrifice things for the ones you love, but it's a gamble. What if you fall out in a couple of months & you've given up a big opportunity with your life? You have to weight it all up.
It looks like I have a couple of opportunities now which are even better than the one i was going for, and I can stay where i am to do them, so it worked out for me.

If you think you can survive a long distance relationship then go for it, by all means. Never tried it but think it would require a whole extra load of trust.
 
Good advice, and the last bit I'll leave you with is:

Make the choices that give you freedom, not the ones that take it away.
 
You're moving quite a distance and starting afresh. I would end it so nothing gets in the way of building your new life.
 
You mentioned how does someone deal with lonliness, doesnt seem to me like that will be an issue, new place, new people, new things to do.

As for the girl, send a few emails, chat on MSN, naked webcam sessions etc...:) But trust me, you'll just get totally into your new life & have an amazing time! I'm jealous to be honest!
 
Regarding loneliness: Get involved at the new location. Doesn't have to be dating, join clubs and organizations you like (an MA school, something for volunteering, church if you're into it, whatever you like). Soon enough you'll have friends and not be as lonely.

Regarding Long Distance Relationships: They can be tough. Phone calls, e-mails, AND paper letters (cards, postcards, flowers-by-wire) can help keep it going if both sides are serious about maintaining the relationship.

I took on a series of internships while I was in college. When I got the offer, I was thrilled (I had to take it for my career goals), but also sad that my fiance and I would be on opposite schedules for a year. So three of the four semesters we were separate (including the first three months of marriage), with visits and semesters, holidays, etc in the middle. The fourth, he came out to the job with me.

I believe that a long-distance phase can be a good test of a gf/bf relationship, to help both sides reality-check their commitment. If you get out there and are looking at other girls, then she's probably not as important to you as you thought she was. If you get out there and are thinking about her all the time, AND she stays in touch, wants to be with you, then the two of you will find a way to be together again.

Education is important. A good partner will not ask you to give up on your life/career/education. (Adapting your goals to fit the conflicting desires is good, abandoning your dreams is bad)
 
It's been fours days here and I'm missing her like crazy.

I'm afraid that it's going to get harder from now since I'll be going overseas in the next two weeks for several months...

Their is a large cultural difference over there, so I'll be keeping to myself just to be safe.

I'm going to focus my energy to finish up what I'm here for and return as soon as I get the chance to.

It'll be an...interesting...experience. Not many people get to go through this.

If she truely loves me then she will wait.

Thank you all.
 
Well after reading your other thread and this one.. now i see what you're on about.

TBH, I think you really just need to get on with your life. I know that sounds kind of brash, but you're so young and there are SOOOO many opportunities just sitting around waiting for you to find them. If you live your life thinking about someone else the whole time, or doing things to make them happy (buying her a laptop, sending letters all the time etc) you'll never find your true potential.

You need to live for you right now. This doesnt mean be an ass to her, or not to keep in touch.. but if you view these next few years as a nuisance and try and blow through them as fast as possible so you can be together again, you're going to miss out on a lot of things.

At the end of the day, life is about experiencing the good and the bad.. but the most important part is the EXPERIENCE.
 
I know. I understand. I'm planning on enjoying the new experience and see what life has in store for me. Just a little heartache that's all.
 
good...

I wouldnt worry about it too much. Like people have said, if you guys are going to eventually get back together, then thats great. But don't plan your life around that (small) possibility.
 
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