The new priest at his first mass was so afraid, he could hardly talk. Before
his second week at the pulpit, he asked the monsignor how he could relax.
The monsignor said, next week, it might help if you put martinis in your
water pitcher. The next week the young priest put his elder's suggestion
into practice and really talked up a storm. After the sermon, he asked the
monsignor how he did. The monsignor replied, "Fine, but there are a few
things you should learn before you address the congregation again."
1. Next time, sip the martinis rather than downing them glassful by
glassful.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. David slew Golaith, he didn't "Kick the shit out of him."
5. We do not refer to Our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his disciples and J.C.
and the boys.
6. Next Sunday there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter
pulling contest at St. Taffys.
7. We do not refer to the Cross as "The Big T."
8. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as, "Daddy,
Junior and Spook."
9. Please! It is the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the cherry.
10. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
11. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
12. When Joseph was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was "stoned off his ass."
13. And last but not least, when you leave the altar, walk down the steps,
don't slide down the rail.
Umm it's really quite simple. The priest got drunk and he screwed up his message. What does not believeing in God have to do with anything?
his second week at the pulpit, he asked the monsignor how he could relax.
The monsignor said, next week, it might help if you put martinis in your
water pitcher. The next week the young priest put his elder's suggestion
into practice and really talked up a storm. After the sermon, he asked the
monsignor how he did. The monsignor replied, "Fine, but there are a few
things you should learn before you address the congregation again."
1. Next time, sip the martinis rather than downing them glassful by
glassful.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. David slew Golaith, he didn't "Kick the shit out of him."
5. We do not refer to Our Saviour, Jesus Christ, and his disciples and J.C.
and the boys.
6. Next Sunday there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a Peter
pulling contest at St. Taffys.
7. We do not refer to the Cross as "The Big T."
8. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not referred to as, "Daddy,
Junior and Spook."
9. Please! It is the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the cherry.
10. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
11. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
12. When Joseph was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he
was "stoned off his ass."
13. And last but not least, when you leave the altar, walk down the steps,
don't slide down the rail.
Umm it's really quite simple. The priest got drunk and he screwed up his message. What does not believeing in God have to do with anything?