Please read... is this writing good for a twelve year old?

amanda

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May 12, 2008
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Winter had arrived early in the harsh northern landscapes of heavy, snowcapped mountains and cruel storms. The trees rocked back and forth in the rain and hail; their fragile hearts fluttering rapidly under the rough, coarse protection of the bark. Thunder took its advantage and roared like a great beast in the grey, merciless sky, striking out its claws of lightning in harrowing veins. The heavy flushes of flooding water crashed down on dry river banks that smacked their barren lips in desperation to quench their thirst. Winter was a feral cat clawing at its enemy.
Fenris stood shivering miserably in the sleet, his coat drenched with water and clouds of mist crystallizing from his warm breath. Falling hail took him by surprise every time, the sharp and piercing sensation digging in to his flesh like a parasitical bug. A low grumble escaped his throat, and he broke into a gallop, stumbling in the slippery mud and splattering his pelt with it. As the young wolf looked back, his own paws made little puddles in the small shafts of ground.
Fenris wheezed, as his legs trembled and gave way under his weak and wet body, collapsing inside the entrance of a cave. His breath came in shallow gasps and his lungs heaved with the effort of taking in air so quickly. As the wolf looked up wearily, the hazy silhouette of a white lioness towered above him, her cream fur coming into focus and shining with a silver iridescence in the moonlight.
“Oh!” A zap of awareness quickened in his stomach and he stood up clumsily, making an awkward bow.
“Fenris, bearer of warmth from the Clan of Fire,” A low rumble emanated from the lioness’ deep chest. In fact, she had been expecting this miserable wet flop of fur finding his way here somehow. “What have you been up to and why is there a dark smear encompassing your snout?”
Fenris shook himself again and globules of water flew everywhere. “I was meant to go huntin’ and then this storm started to brew, with me stuck in the middle of it. And as for the smear on my snout, I think it adds character to my face,” a slight tone of chagrin ended his sentence, and he quickly added, “I think I better rub it off now,” while swiping his paw over the dirty streak.
Fenris cleared his throat awkwardly. “Well, I’m freezing.” He closed his eyes and muttered a clump of unintelligible words that seemed to be a spell.
In the centre of the cave, a red spark alighted, and slowly it transformed in to a blazing conflagration. The immense fire crackled and roared; a flaming masque of vermillion. It continued to ascend higher and higher, undaunted and obdurate, as its red, wavering talons clawed at the cave roof.
The white lioness gave a smile as warm as the flames, and with a twinkle in her dark, wise eyes, raised her great body and padded outside in the rain. A few minutes later, she came back to the cave, carrying a basket of assorted foods, from nuts and mushrooms, to wild turkey and chicken. Fenris, wide- eyed, noticed that her fur was still dry and neat as she roasted the meat over the fire. He didn’t understand Zuri’s magic or power very well, but he knew it was well beyond his expectations.
Zuri beckoned to him. “Come, little one, and sit with me,”
Fenris didn’t think he could do that. He would look ridiculous next to the elegant lioness. But he walked over and sat beside her under command.
“Look, little one, look into the flames, and I shall tell you a story. A story, about the Wolves of Alacamba.”
Please give detailed answers =)
 
This is really good from one young author to another. I really like Fenris because I like his abilities and personality a lot. I also like how you didn't add a whole lot of details, but you give just enough for me to visualize what's happening. I would love to hear the rest of it.
 
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