PDA-Public Display Of Affection: What's the big deal?

[david]

I have been dating this beautiful woman for almost two years and the other day we were out to dinner and ran into some mutual friends of ours. When they arrived at the table I let go of her hand. As the conversation continued she reached for my hand again and I just tapped her lightly to let her know I didn't want to hold her hand. It was just not cool. She cut her eyes at me quickly and was pretty reserved throughout the rest of the evening, even after our friends got their own table. When we got in the car I asked her what was wrong and she said was fine. I asked her again when we got home. Very upset with me but respectable and sweet as always she let me know that she felt that I was ashamed of her. She said her pda wasn't for show because she could care less what other people think or don't think but because she truly loved me and affection whether private or public was her way of letting me know she cared and loved me. She says this is who she is and how she loves but when I pull away she feels rejected. Her pda is just wanting me to hold her hand or just touch her period and maybe a peck on the lips. I do the peck every now and then but that other stuff is not me. I feel she should really understand. My ex-wife never liked pda and because of I'm a minister and cop I have to conduct myself in a certain way. For the past few months I've noticed she is very careful not to even accidently touch me in public. She even seems a little irrated when I do stuff like open her car door even though she doesn't say anything. At home however, she is very affectionate but in public she very reserved toward me. She knows that I love her because I show it and I've told her several times. I'll admit I don't say it often but I am very affectionate at home and not just in the bedroom. This is reallly an issue with her, a silent one, but it does bother her. I personally don't see what the big deal is but I don't want this to ruin our relationship. So can a brother get a little advice?

 

[rocky]

I'm not a PDA either it gives the relationship that secrete feel and I think some people go too far in public, its better to let people guess what goes on behind closed doors than look as if your paying for it and can't afford a room, it then infringes on my rights not to see it and when children are around wrong messages are sent. Even if they pass in cars

 

[ACanadian]

I'm not really into PDAs either but hand holding is perfectly normal. And what does being a minister and a cop have to do with how you treat your girlfriend???? You're completely wrong if you think men in those professions are neglectful of their wives or girlfriends. By treating her affectionately at home but being a cold fish in public sends one message - you are ashamed of her. You need to suck it up and apologize.

 

[IDon'tTakeYASeriously]

I know a gay couple that would chage your mind about that

 

[deborahg]

I don't think a little hand holding is a big deal. My husband will often reach over and touch me in some fashion, put his hand on my knee, etc. However, if it makes you uncomfortable that's fine too. You've explained it to her and made your point over what I feel is a silly argument.

 

[DanielleMena]

PDA is very annoying and disgusting to me....the only reason it is done is to show others that you belong to him/her and that other rivals should stay away (psychological/sociological studies)...it is SOMETIMES done subconsciously and the person is not even aware he/she is doing it to keep rivals away...they instead say its because they "love you"....thats my opinion and research backs that up.

Now, with your lady friend...she may be not liking your gentleman behavior because she is still mad and not over it...she's like "ok, this may be PDA, so Im gonna go ahead and refuse him opening doors, etc....its gonna irritate him like he irritated me"........she may not touch you in public because, I dunno....wild guess here....YOU TOLD HER U DIDNT LIKE IT! She wants PDA because she wants everyone to know you are hers and it affects her because she thinks you dont want anyone to know you are hers....she may get the feeling that you are not proud to be seen with her or that you are still waiting for something better to come along........I dont know what you want to do.....I dunno what you really want either....because: She wants PDA, you tell her to stop, she stops, and now you are freaking out that she's not giving you some love in public (even if its just letting u open the door)....Maybe you 2 should strike a compromise....maybe hand holding or a cheek kiss is fine whereas other things are not.....things like that.

 

[liza]

HOLDING HANDS IS NOT PDA. Come on, can't you see why she is upset if as soon as you walk out the door you treat her like a stranger and remove all physical acts of caring? She is not asking you to suck her face or have sex with her in public places. Parents hold hands with children...friends hold hands...and yes, boyfriends and girlfriends hold hands. I'm sure dates with you are much less enjoyable when she feels that she has to be so guarded as to have no intimacy.

As a happily married woman my advice is get over your issues and hold her hand. She loves you, you love her. No one will think the less of you for holding hands. I do not like pda and even I think hand holding is more than appropriate. If a member of your church sees such an action as inappropriate, I would wonder what kind of cold and loveless marriage they have at home...

 

[James]

PDA goes against a lot of behaviours ingrained in men in modern society - get over your worries, hand holding and hugs is nothing to get stressed about - you should relax a little - chewing each others faces off is tacky - but I dont think any woman I have been lucky enough to date has minded a little PDA, one or too were overboard with it

TL;DR Dont be a cold fish, but dont be a suckerfish either

 

[hrt]

She doesn't need to hold your hand at dinner like a sad lost puppy dog and get mad that you're trying to have a normal conversation with your friends. She won't DIE if you don't hold her hand

 

[TiltMe2Day]

Holding hands isn't really what I consider PDA...when I hear PDA I think of those people that make out and are practically fvcking each other in public. That I don't care for...

Holding hands shouldn't be that big of a deal...it's a small gesture.

 

[hankredwons]

it ant like she was being Sexual you were rude to her

 

[desertflower1]

From what you are saying, she is complying with your request. You should be grateful and tell her you love her in many ways. Consider it a teaching moment and explain this to her. She will adapt.

 

[blunt]

PDA is tacky, and is only for insecure, ignorant immature teens.

If she can't get over it, then maybe you should find a mature person that knows how to conduct herself in public.

Good luck