...religion 1st before getting to know me!? I am a 21 year old Roman Catholic girl who is interested in a mormon guy. He has shown some interest in me but I am worried that he looks at our differences in religion more than the possibility of a fantastic relationship between us. I am very open to other Christian Faiths and think it is good to ask questions and educate oneself on other religions to truly know what religion best reflects your way of life and beliefs in Jesus. If the mormon religion believes in Jesus Christ, much like the Catholics do and Jesus did not judge, Then why am I being Judged/viewed as a person by my religion first? I know that religion plays a major part In one’s life but I do not think that is the only thing that defines you/ makes you who you are. Why does he have to look at my religion first before getting to know the real me?? I find this to be the complete opposite of what Jesus has taught us. What should I do?? I want him to see and get to know me, not my religion ( its just like judging a book by its cover)
(non mormon interested in a mormon) I feel like he is judging me on my...
- Thread starter RubyC
- Start date
ok, he is not judging you. NOT
heres the kicker,
us mormons are unique. We believe that families are forever, but that you must be "sealed" here in order to be "sealed" in heaven. This takes place in the Temple, and you can only be "sealed" if you both are LDS and have followed the teachings of the LDS church. It is much, much bigger then that. I am speaking from experiance. I chose to marry someone who was not a member and I never realised how important it was until I had made the choice. To not be able to agree on the single most important thing in my life - Jesus Christ and God, well it was VERY hard. It did not last, he found it too much to bear and finally told me he didnt want his kids being raised "Mormon" (we luckily hadnt had any yet). Come to find out he was expecting me to give up my faith and join his....
THIS is very important to us. Religion is not a sunday activity, it is very much a lifestyle. While inter-faith relationships sometimes work out, it is not something one should choose. And choice is something you have when you arent yet "twitterpatted".
Are you active in your faith? I am pretty sure that Catholics do not encourage marriage outside the faith either. I would talk to one of your Church leaders about this, I am sure you will get an earful.
There are differences in the doctrine of our two faiths, and while we can accept that, it can be hard on a relationship in which God is essential, if you cant agree on exactly HOW.
I hope you can understand that and not have any hard feelings. For more understanding you can visit:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/membership-in-christ-s-church/forever-families
heres the kicker,
us mormons are unique. We believe that families are forever, but that you must be "sealed" here in order to be "sealed" in heaven. This takes place in the Temple, and you can only be "sealed" if you both are LDS and have followed the teachings of the LDS church. It is much, much bigger then that. I am speaking from experiance. I chose to marry someone who was not a member and I never realised how important it was until I had made the choice. To not be able to agree on the single most important thing in my life - Jesus Christ and God, well it was VERY hard. It did not last, he found it too much to bear and finally told me he didnt want his kids being raised "Mormon" (we luckily hadnt had any yet). Come to find out he was expecting me to give up my faith and join his....
THIS is very important to us. Religion is not a sunday activity, it is very much a lifestyle. While inter-faith relationships sometimes work out, it is not something one should choose. And choice is something you have when you arent yet "twitterpatted".
Are you active in your faith? I am pretty sure that Catholics do not encourage marriage outside the faith either. I would talk to one of your Church leaders about this, I am sure you will get an earful.
There are differences in the doctrine of our two faiths, and while we can accept that, it can be hard on a relationship in which God is essential, if you cant agree on exactly HOW.
I hope you can understand that and not have any hard feelings. For more understanding you can visit:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/basic-beliefs/membership-in-christ-s-church/forever-families
MuselViktor'sMommy
New member
- Oct 1, 2008
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What should you do? Don't pursue a relationship with him. He's very set in his faith and, like many people are, a bit blinded by it. So, regardless of how many great qualities you may have, they won't matter to him because he sees your religion as incompatible. Even if he does take the time to see you for who you are, he'll still probably find ways to snub your beliefs or, like some people do, try to get you to change your views on religion. I would not attempt to be in a relationship with him, other than one of friendship.
somethingtrinity
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- Mar 9, 2008
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Mormons want to marry mormons. If he is interested in you he is going to try to convert you. They do not believe the same as other Christians, their beliefs are very different, even though they say they believe the same. Do not get involved with him. Find someone that believes the same way you do.
))><It is very unwise to seek a deep, committed relationship with one outside of your religion especially if you are devout and not going to change anything about your beliefs. It will cause great marital strife and discord, and it will bring sadness when children come along because they will have to choose between their parents' beliefs. Mormon men date to marry, and that is why he is reluctant to date you. He doesn't want to fall in love with someone that he cannot be sealed with eternally in one of our temples because in the end, his family (children and all descendants) will pay a horrible price for his decision.
needlewings
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- Jun 2, 2008
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Maybe he isn't judging you. He may be trying to find out more about your faith compared to his. I don't know if the Catholics have changed, but use to be fish every friday. When they married, their first child had to be baptised Catholic, getting down on your knees in services and other differences that others find unusual compared to their upbringing. In marriage the two become one so if that happens something has to give or be shared with. In addition to the King James version of the Bible, they believe there is also another chapter in the book of Mormon. Maybe you should read it to see what he is about. We all believe in the same thing, but we have other unusual rituals in our faiths. I have a Methodist step son who married a Jewish/ Catholic girl. My husband is Methodist and I am Lutheran. Some people are just sort of funny about things. My mother would say when I dated, well at least he's not Catholic! I have no idea why she would say such a thing either. My sister married Catholic and mom eventually lightened up. Maybe it is the thought that religion shouldn't be different then their "species" so to speak.
He's judging you? Honestly, the guy shouldn't be poking fingers - if he was actually a devote Mormon he wouldn't be showing any interest whatsoever.
He sounds weird to me, sorry.
EDIT: Another thing, you're already having "problems" and you guys aren't even together yet, so just imagine how it might be once together! The way I see things, its best to get together with someone who has the same beliefs - it will avoid many problems later in life.
@Muse - Viktor's Mommy: He's not very set in his faith, if he was he wouldn't be showing any interest! Mormons marry amongst themselves.
He sounds weird to me, sorry.
EDIT: Another thing, you're already having "problems" and you guys aren't even together yet, so just imagine how it might be once together! The way I see things, its best to get together with someone who has the same beliefs - it will avoid many problems later in life.
@Muse - Viktor's Mommy: He's not very set in his faith, if he was he wouldn't be showing any interest! Mormons marry amongst themselves.
I recommend talking to him about it. It's probably hard to do, but the best option IS often the hardest.
In doing so, you'll either find out that he actually ISN'T judging you b/c of your religion, or if he is, you'll snap him out of it because you're right, he should get to know you first, and he knows that too.
If he's not interested in you though, it's possible it has nothing to do with religion.
In doing so, you'll either find out that he actually ISN'T judging you b/c of your religion, or if he is, you'll snap him out of it because you're right, he should get to know you first, and he knows that too.
If he's not interested in you though, it's possible it has nothing to do with religion.
hotwheels122298
New member
- Aug 28, 2008
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its not judgment, BUT i will say that we are not of the "entire Christian faith" we believe that we have eternal marriage through going to the temple. and in order to have that eternal marriage it has to be done by marring another member of our church. its just who we are and what we are taught. we want eternal marriage. not "death will you part" that is an important subject when it comes to our religion. but i truly dont think he is judging you by your religion. he just might be torn..if you want a real one dont listen to these anti mormon answers... cuz seriously they are pretty much all wrong...
edit: i dont understand why people are giving me thumbs down... you wanted an answer from a mormon you got a true answer...
edit: i dont understand why people are giving me thumbs down... you wanted an answer from a mormon you got a true answer...
From my own personal experience.
A Mormon boy will not be interested in a non-Mormon girl, in a serious relationship way, because their religion means too much to them. His religion will come first with him, and not a relationship with a girl from any other religion.
I know - I was born Catholic, married a Mormon, changed to Mormon, then left the Church and the husband.
I do not berate the MOrmon Church for restricting their own personal choices regarding serious relationships outside their Church. Their whole life is built around their beliefs and being married to a non-mormon, for instance would create many challenges which would not be conducive to a long, loving relationship.
A Mormon boy will not be interested in a non-Mormon girl, in a serious relationship way, because their religion means too much to them. His religion will come first with him, and not a relationship with a girl from any other religion.
I know - I was born Catholic, married a Mormon, changed to Mormon, then left the Church and the husband.
I do not berate the MOrmon Church for restricting their own personal choices regarding serious relationships outside their Church. Their whole life is built around their beliefs and being married to a non-mormon, for instance would create many challenges which would not be conducive to a long, loving relationship.
hunnerbunner
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- Nov 21, 2008
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Hi,
I am Mormon and my very best friend is Catholic. We do talk religion and we are able to be quite open. She knows what kind of a person I am and I know what kind of a person she is. She doesn't have to be anything other than what she is for us to be the best of friends. Our morals are very similar even though our religions are different.
My sister married a Catholic boy 35 or so years ago. He did join the Mormon church and they are still very happily married.
I think that when religion is a big part of what you are, when you get married you have to have similar goals in order to be happy. It's obviously better to be of the same religion.
You and this boy are not near marriage so I would think that you could relax and just be yourself and talk about everything including religion.
You yourself say that "religion plays a major part in one's life" and then you say that he shouldn't look at religion before getting to know the real you. It's a contradictory statement. Religion is a part of you, a major part. I doubt he is trying to offend you in any way.
If you really are compatible at all, I don't think that talking religion would offend you. It shouldn't stress you out to discuss religion along with all the other things new couples talk about. I think you need to love yourself, relax, and don't worry. I doubt he even knows he's upset you...all guys are like that LOL.
And one funny thing too, you saying that he is judging you, is actually judging him isn't it? This whole idea of judgment being wrong is silly anyway because we all make judgments and decisions based on information that we have.
You judged this Mormon guy to be somebody that you would possibly be interested in, right? Everyone makes judgments, we have brains and we use them. Now unrighteous or false judgments are the sin. Nothing wrong with calling a duck a duck though, right?
Jesus actually was judgmental and he called certain people with certain religious backgrounds and certain behaviors "children of the devil". They didn't like it. Point being, he absolutely did make judgments. A huge part of the NT are stories which involve his opinions and judgments.
The verse "judge not that ye be not judged" is a warning not to judge people to be guilty of things that you yourself are guilty of because that judgment and your words against another will end up coming back to you. Another thing is that in that verse, he was specifically telling his disciples what to say back to the Pharisees when they would condemn the doctrine he gave them.
Anyway, if you want a Mormon opinion on anything further, I would be happy to talk via email.
Good Luck : )
I am Mormon and my very best friend is Catholic. We do talk religion and we are able to be quite open. She knows what kind of a person I am and I know what kind of a person she is. She doesn't have to be anything other than what she is for us to be the best of friends. Our morals are very similar even though our religions are different.
My sister married a Catholic boy 35 or so years ago. He did join the Mormon church and they are still very happily married.
I think that when religion is a big part of what you are, when you get married you have to have similar goals in order to be happy. It's obviously better to be of the same religion.
You and this boy are not near marriage so I would think that you could relax and just be yourself and talk about everything including religion.
You yourself say that "religion plays a major part in one's life" and then you say that he shouldn't look at religion before getting to know the real you. It's a contradictory statement. Religion is a part of you, a major part. I doubt he is trying to offend you in any way.
If you really are compatible at all, I don't think that talking religion would offend you. It shouldn't stress you out to discuss religion along with all the other things new couples talk about. I think you need to love yourself, relax, and don't worry. I doubt he even knows he's upset you...all guys are like that LOL.
And one funny thing too, you saying that he is judging you, is actually judging him isn't it? This whole idea of judgment being wrong is silly anyway because we all make judgments and decisions based on information that we have.
You judged this Mormon guy to be somebody that you would possibly be interested in, right? Everyone makes judgments, we have brains and we use them. Now unrighteous or false judgments are the sin. Nothing wrong with calling a duck a duck though, right?
Jesus actually was judgmental and he called certain people with certain religious backgrounds and certain behaviors "children of the devil". They didn't like it. Point being, he absolutely did make judgments. A huge part of the NT are stories which involve his opinions and judgments.
The verse "judge not that ye be not judged" is a warning not to judge people to be guilty of things that you yourself are guilty of because that judgment and your words against another will end up coming back to you. Another thing is that in that verse, he was specifically telling his disciples what to say back to the Pharisees when they would condemn the doctrine he gave them.
Anyway, if you want a Mormon opinion on anything further, I would be happy to talk via email.
Good Luck : )
KiaSister1lDUCK
New member
- Oct 16, 2008
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Remember that the bible tells us not to be unequally yolked. If you believe in your faith, then you should want to marry someone of your faith.
Catholic and LDS beliefs are quite different. While they are both based in Christianity and share the bible, there are many belies that are quite different. There are some similarities, but many differences.
From what I had always understood, devout Catholics usually marry Catholics.
I have a firm belief that inter-faith marriages are not a good idea. I have friends of other faiths, but I have never dated outside my faith. Friends are different than spouses. If you have children, having paretns with two different religions is not a good plan. It is very untrue that Mormons can only marry Mormons. I know people who are LDS and married to Non- LDS. I also hear these people complain about the problems in their marriage with their children and most of the time, it has to do with their separate belief systems.
Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You both should have the same basic foundation in beliefs and values. Without that, you will spend the years butting heads about those things. Letting your children choose their direction in life is irresponsible parenting. A parent is to guide their children to the correct path. The LDS church, is more than just a Sunday worship system, it is a lifestyle. We don't drink coffee or alcohol. We don't go play on Sundays, our children don't date until they are 16 and most adults and children adhere to a standard of modesty. Mormons, believe that it is not wrong to use birth control. If you marry an LDS guy, those are most likely values he will want in his home. You may not always agree with them though. You will each have to make compromises that may affect your fundamental core beliefs.
One major difference is that LDS believe that marriage is not only ordained of God, but itis a comandment of God, for everyone- not just the weak or the non-clergy. You cannot be a member of the LDS clergy without being married. We also believe that marriages can be eternal and most LDS people strive for an eternal marriage. However, eternal marriages can only be performed in God's temples. You have to be LDS to be worthy to enter the temple- that is God's law. If you are not LDS, you cannot have an eternal marriage. IF that is what he wants, then he will not pursue your relationship much further.
There is no better time to "Judge" someone then while you are dating. That is what dating is all about, figuring out who is right for you. This friend of yours, is looking for the mother of his future children. In my opinion, there is no decision more important than who the parent of your children will be. You have to be picky and make ceratin judgements. It is vital that you have the same values beliefs and parenting styles, or your children will suffer. Love is not enough. No matter how much you love someone, they may not be the right person to spend your life with or parent your children. You really have to look at these things. Part of the reason that the divorce rate is high is because, people do not take the time to learn these valuable things about each other, they think that love is all that is needed for a strong marriage. Love is a vital aspect, but not enough to sustain a marriage through the hard times.
Ask yourself some questions:
What will you do when he won't allow your kids to date until they are 16?
What about when he wants to use birth control to plan your family?
What happens when he doesn't want your infant to be baptized? Mormons don't believe in infant baptism- we don't believe in original sin.
What happens when your children ask about God and you explain the Trinity to them and your husband tells them that God, the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate beings united in purpose.
What will you do when you buy your daughter a strappless dress for prom and your husband flips out that it is not modest.
What about when he wants to pay 10% of your income to tithing? even when times are tough?
What about when two weekends a year all he wants to do is sit and watch general conference?
What about when he teaches your children that the heavens are not sealed and that we have a prophet who recieves revelation for the world and that each individual person can recieve personal revelation from God?
I could keep going, but I have gone on long enough. Religion IS a very valid concern when dating. If you marry, one or both of you will have to give up fundamental beliefs.
Catholic and LDS beliefs are quite different. While they are both based in Christianity and share the bible, there are many belies that are quite different. There are some similarities, but many differences.
From what I had always understood, devout Catholics usually marry Catholics.
I have a firm belief that inter-faith marriages are not a good idea. I have friends of other faiths, but I have never dated outside my faith. Friends are different than spouses. If you have children, having paretns with two different religions is not a good plan. It is very untrue that Mormons can only marry Mormons. I know people who are LDS and married to Non- LDS. I also hear these people complain about the problems in their marriage with their children and most of the time, it has to do with their separate belief systems.
Love is not enough to make a marriage work. You both should have the same basic foundation in beliefs and values. Without that, you will spend the years butting heads about those things. Letting your children choose their direction in life is irresponsible parenting. A parent is to guide their children to the correct path. The LDS church, is more than just a Sunday worship system, it is a lifestyle. We don't drink coffee or alcohol. We don't go play on Sundays, our children don't date until they are 16 and most adults and children adhere to a standard of modesty. Mormons, believe that it is not wrong to use birth control. If you marry an LDS guy, those are most likely values he will want in his home. You may not always agree with them though. You will each have to make compromises that may affect your fundamental core beliefs.
One major difference is that LDS believe that marriage is not only ordained of God, but itis a comandment of God, for everyone- not just the weak or the non-clergy. You cannot be a member of the LDS clergy without being married. We also believe that marriages can be eternal and most LDS people strive for an eternal marriage. However, eternal marriages can only be performed in God's temples. You have to be LDS to be worthy to enter the temple- that is God's law. If you are not LDS, you cannot have an eternal marriage. IF that is what he wants, then he will not pursue your relationship much further.
There is no better time to "Judge" someone then while you are dating. That is what dating is all about, figuring out who is right for you. This friend of yours, is looking for the mother of his future children. In my opinion, there is no decision more important than who the parent of your children will be. You have to be picky and make ceratin judgements. It is vital that you have the same values beliefs and parenting styles, or your children will suffer. Love is not enough. No matter how much you love someone, they may not be the right person to spend your life with or parent your children. You really have to look at these things. Part of the reason that the divorce rate is high is because, people do not take the time to learn these valuable things about each other, they think that love is all that is needed for a strong marriage. Love is a vital aspect, but not enough to sustain a marriage through the hard times.
Ask yourself some questions:
What will you do when he won't allow your kids to date until they are 16?
What about when he wants to use birth control to plan your family?
What happens when he doesn't want your infant to be baptized? Mormons don't believe in infant baptism- we don't believe in original sin.
What happens when your children ask about God and you explain the Trinity to them and your husband tells them that God, the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Ghost are three separate beings united in purpose.
What will you do when you buy your daughter a strappless dress for prom and your husband flips out that it is not modest.
What about when he wants to pay 10% of your income to tithing? even when times are tough?
What about when two weekends a year all he wants to do is sit and watch general conference?
What about when he teaches your children that the heavens are not sealed and that we have a prophet who recieves revelation for the world and that each individual person can recieve personal revelation from God?
I could keep going, but I have gone on long enough. Religion IS a very valid concern when dating. If you marry, one or both of you will have to give up fundamental beliefs.