kittyhasclawz
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- Oct 4, 2010
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I wrote this a while ago and tried to clean it up a bit, but I'd like some help?
Catch any mistakes I haven't yet? Any constructive criticism? Especially with the dialogue! It has never been my strong point. >_< Thanks<3
____
Remora had escaped her master, but she could not escape death. She was no longer a servant with chains at her ankles, but unlike Master Medrik, death didn’t need them; it lingered in the air she breathed, in the sweat clinging to her body. Death had already touched her.
Remora knelt at the cave's mouth, trying to listen beyond the pounding of her heart. Not too far from where she hid, three cloaked creatures searched for their lost prisoner. She sensed their power before she heard their footsteps, closing the distance between them.
Pushing down the fear that sought to overcome her, she took off into the forest, urging her legs to move faster, under branches and around bold trees. If she could just make it through the forest, she'd be home, the creatures wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, but tonight, nature was her death trap. It bound her like an insect caught in a spider's web. Vines swung down from moss coated trees, intertwined and then merging with uplifting roots. While the canopy above blinded her escape as the ground threatened to swallow her every step.
Remora was near the edge of the forest, when a tremor of dark energy hit her at once. She stood unable to move for a moment, while a cloaked figure descended from the night's shadows. The creature paced through trees, teasing its prey for what seemed like forever. It paused several feet from where she stood, a tear sliding down her cheek. The cry that escaped from beyond the creature's cloak, rang in her ears as it charged at her.
Sharp nails grasped her by the wrist and flung her into the forest floor. She caught her fall, hands sinking into the mud. She tried to gather her feet from under herself, when a second cloaked creature appeared. He took a handful of the front of her dress and brought her inches from his face, the moonlight revealing its true form.
His gray, shriveled skin clung to his skeleton and black eyes glared at her from deep within his skull. The cursed man curled his thin lips into a taunting smile, flashing her his pointed black teeth. Creatures of the dark belonged in Hell.
Her eyes filled with panic and his stomach pained with hunger. He asked, "Leaving so soon?" and threw her to the ground with an inhuman amount of strength. "But you're so tasty." Her head smacked into a jagged rock and she let out a quiet groan, pain shattering in her skull. She cradled her bleeding head in her hands. This was it, she thought, this was the end. The two creatures stepped aside as the leader moved swiftly towards her.
"You've been a very naughty girl," it said in a raspy woman's voice. She lifted the bottom of her cloak and crouched down on Remora's level. "Now, be a good little girl and tell me what you know."
With every grain of confidence she could muster, she said, "I rather welcome death upon me."
The cursed woman grabbed her by the neck and slammed her into a tree.
"I could assist you in that department," she growled, tightening her dirty fingers.
"Rot in Hell," Remora choked, spitting in the woman's disgusting face.
"I already have," she snarled as a sharp pain pierced Remora's stomach. The creature stepped away, allowing its victim to fall onto her knees, grasping the dagger that had been plunged into her, trying to grasp the life she was about to lose.
The pain radiated throughout her as she began choking on her own blood. A hand struck her across the face, whipping her onto her side. She could hear the creature's menacing laughs as they drifted from her body, leaving her to die.
The end. Just kidding.
If you have a WOP, rate and comments? http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=55259
Catch any mistakes I haven't yet? Any constructive criticism? Especially with the dialogue! It has never been my strong point. >_< Thanks<3
____
Remora had escaped her master, but she could not escape death. She was no longer a servant with chains at her ankles, but unlike Master Medrik, death didn’t need them; it lingered in the air she breathed, in the sweat clinging to her body. Death had already touched her.
Remora knelt at the cave's mouth, trying to listen beyond the pounding of her heart. Not too far from where she hid, three cloaked creatures searched for their lost prisoner. She sensed their power before she heard their footsteps, closing the distance between them.
Pushing down the fear that sought to overcome her, she took off into the forest, urging her legs to move faster, under branches and around bold trees. If she could just make it through the forest, she'd be home, the creatures wouldn't be able to hurt her anymore, but tonight, nature was her death trap. It bound her like an insect caught in a spider's web. Vines swung down from moss coated trees, intertwined and then merging with uplifting roots. While the canopy above blinded her escape as the ground threatened to swallow her every step.
Remora was near the edge of the forest, when a tremor of dark energy hit her at once. She stood unable to move for a moment, while a cloaked figure descended from the night's shadows. The creature paced through trees, teasing its prey for what seemed like forever. It paused several feet from where she stood, a tear sliding down her cheek. The cry that escaped from beyond the creature's cloak, rang in her ears as it charged at her.
Sharp nails grasped her by the wrist and flung her into the forest floor. She caught her fall, hands sinking into the mud. She tried to gather her feet from under herself, when a second cloaked creature appeared. He took a handful of the front of her dress and brought her inches from his face, the moonlight revealing its true form.
His gray, shriveled skin clung to his skeleton and black eyes glared at her from deep within his skull. The cursed man curled his thin lips into a taunting smile, flashing her his pointed black teeth. Creatures of the dark belonged in Hell.
Her eyes filled with panic and his stomach pained with hunger. He asked, "Leaving so soon?" and threw her to the ground with an inhuman amount of strength. "But you're so tasty." Her head smacked into a jagged rock and she let out a quiet groan, pain shattering in her skull. She cradled her bleeding head in her hands. This was it, she thought, this was the end. The two creatures stepped aside as the leader moved swiftly towards her.
"You've been a very naughty girl," it said in a raspy woman's voice. She lifted the bottom of her cloak and crouched down on Remora's level. "Now, be a good little girl and tell me what you know."
With every grain of confidence she could muster, she said, "I rather welcome death upon me."
The cursed woman grabbed her by the neck and slammed her into a tree.
"I could assist you in that department," she growled, tightening her dirty fingers.
"Rot in Hell," Remora choked, spitting in the woman's disgusting face.
"I already have," she snarled as a sharp pain pierced Remora's stomach. The creature stepped away, allowing its victim to fall onto her knees, grasping the dagger that had been plunged into her, trying to grasp the life she was about to lose.
The pain radiated throughout her as she began choking on her own blood. A hand struck her across the face, whipping her onto her side. She could hear the creature's menacing laughs as they drifted from her body, leaving her to die.
The end. Just kidding.
If you have a WOP, rate and comments? http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/chapter.asp?chapter_ID=55259