warning , impending melodrama. just thoought id be honest. Im a 22 year old guy who loves a girl who hates him. I met her on facebook and I started leaving comments on all her pics (she's gorgous) and talking to her and I really really liked her, but I was in a deep depression. I had been in love or something with a girl who did not love me back and it crushed me, and going into that affair even I had been depressed because of living at work where I was not able to do anything valuable and I felt useless and going into that i flunked out of college and before that even I had failed at my job (same job- boss was nice enough to let me stay there instead of my crazy family.) soooo it was a really bad run leading up to now. and like I said I was depressed and my way of dealing with it was to vent to people on facebook and thats how I met L. I told her though from the start that she'd hate me cause I was depressing and didn't care about anything and bad with people and I told her I was suicidal. she tried to be my freind. we got along extremely well . she is smart and sexy and funny and sweet and passionate and pious and everything to me. I have an issue though, Im shallow. when I like a girl , really like her, I fall in love.so I fell in love with this girl, L, who was in a relationship. I alternated daily between pushing her away and apologizing , occasionally being mean or more oftain just plain stupid. id go crazy when she wouoldnt text me back and start to text her a lot asking if anything was wrong or if id done something I didn't reralize. she said she loved me one time, and when I asked her later said "how do you know I dont". but when we broke up she just said she "tried to be nice to me" . we shared a lot of personal stuff and I thought she did love me and might have the same feelings as me. but then she got engaged. then I got mad at her for not even telling me. i just want to be close to her. she gets married next month. its been three months since we broke up and she told me to fuck off and gave me my list of why I wasnt worth another second chance and why sorry didn't mean shit any more. I know I deserved it. but I kept asking for forgivness in every way I can think of. threatening suicide ( I think I meant it when I said it at the time, my head goes back and forth on that one a lot) I made a fake facebook to keep track of what was happening in her life, but I made it so she knew it was me and she called me out on it and stopped talking to my alter ego too. i texted her tonight even. shes threatened to ccall the cops and her bf threatened to hurt me . I love her . I miss her. I want to please her. I want her respect. I want to change ( I dont like who ive become in the past few years). I dont know what to do. I sort of understand she's probably intimidated , cause she was a victem in her life once ( cant get into it) and she probably hates me and just wants me to stop existing. i dont know what else to live for though. she made me happy. nothing else does. i know almost any one reading this thinks Im an evil prick by now. I dont even know what I hope to gain by posting this. last thing I said to here while we were still talking is I love her very much and was very appreciative of her being ther for me, but I sent a picture of a diseased vagina and said it made me think of her, but only as a call back to blue waffle which she tricked me into seeing twice back when the relationship was young and healthy and amazing. I thought she'd get that but instead was just beyond offended. and aparently me telling her bf that I existed was also a no no. it was probably more in how I said it. which is to say I jsut said hi and then said dont worry about who I am cause Im nobody. cause i wanted to introduce myself and tell him I was in love with his gf, then I changed my mind. i never make up my mind on anything and Im highly impulsive and emotionally charged ( I guess) . I know I should give up and she'd feel better if I gave up but I dont want to give up. ive met new people since then but it doesnt matter, I think of her always. i want to marry her honestly. i got no job, no ambition, no interests or talents ....just a pocket full of regrets and a barrel full of despair. what should I do? is it really that unreasonable to off myself because of issues I cant do anything about? I cant and wont ever 'get over' her. she is my soul mate, she just hates me too much to realize it and she wont give me another chance no matter what I say or tell he I will do. i guess more venting then any actual questions. go ahead and skewer me now. bye bye.