XXeviloliveXX
New member
- Nov 30, 2009
- 3
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I posted in marriage/divorce section too, but I like the people in this section and was hoping for your input also...
I’m very unhappy in my marriage and don’t know what to do. I have a 1 year old son. I really want to have 1 more child, but am afraid if I leave my husband, I won’t be able to do that because I’m 37 years old. The chances of me getting re-married again in time to have another child is pretty slim. I have REALLY been trying to make my marriage work, but I’m so unhappy. At the end of the work day, I always start getting anxiety symptoms, and I think it’s because I dread going home and being with my husband, because I’m always afraid I’m going to do something wrong and make him mad at me. He is often really rude and disrespectful to me, and verbally abusive (never physical). He calls me names, tells me I’m stupid, and talks to me really condescendingly.
Before we married, I stressed to him that I wanted an equal partnership in marriage, and to share responsibilities equally too, since I would also be working. He totally agreed, but after we married, he told me he didn’t have to lie and pretend anymore, and that I have the vagina, he has the penis, therefore I do the household chores, and that he’s the man and I need to do what he says. I wish I had divorced then, but my family would have freaked because they are really religious and don’t believe in divorce, so I tried to make it work. My work day/commute is from 7:30am until 6:30pm. My husband’s work day is from 10am to 5:30pm, yet I have to do all the household chores/cooking/errands, except for taking out the trash/recycling and mowing the lawn.
I always do what he says. The only thing I’ve deliberately not obeyed is when he wanted to have a threesome with another woman. But, sometimes he will tell me to do something, and I honestly forget to do it – it just slipped my mind, and I didn’t disobey on purpose. He’ll say, “you need to learn to listen to me and do what I f’n say”, and that bothers me so much and makes me feel so belittled. It makes me so angry. Would that make you angry, or do you think it is his right that I should obey him because he has authority over me, being the man?
Does anyone have advice? I desperately want another child, and I know if I leave him now, I will never have another. I don’t know what to do…I used to think I would just stay with him until my children are grown (because I don’t want them to grow up in a broken home), but I just don’t know how I’ll be able to live like this, for that long. Am I being unreasonable with being upset at the way I’m treated? My Aunt told me I am, and that many women have it much worse than me, and I should just suck it up and learn to deal and stay with him. My mother is encouraging me also to just deal and not divorce, and that “maybe he’ll change”, and at least he doesn’t beat me…..
@Perfume - Thank you, I'm so confused, because I do feel I still love him and want to work things out, but then sometimes, I think I hate him and want to be done with him. If he would just be good to me, I would love him totally I think, but when he's so bad to me, it makes me hate him so much. My heart says stay, but my brain says go. I feel like it makes him happy to make me sad - wherein, when he makes mistakes, and is sad, I always try to make him feel better about himself. I'm very submissive, and would be very happy being submissive and listening to my husband if he treated me well, but it's like he tries to pick fights, and tries to make me feel bad, and he gets so mad when I make little mistakes.
To other posters, my husband is an atheist, I'm an ex-christian, and a current agnostic who is looking into other religions - studying Islam currently.
And, also, I fell like I would totally be able to find a new husband eventually, but I'm so getting close to 40, I'm afraid I would not be able to in time to have another baby, as I'm so close to being 40, and I really want my son to have a sibling
I’m very unhappy in my marriage and don’t know what to do. I have a 1 year old son. I really want to have 1 more child, but am afraid if I leave my husband, I won’t be able to do that because I’m 37 years old. The chances of me getting re-married again in time to have another child is pretty slim. I have REALLY been trying to make my marriage work, but I’m so unhappy. At the end of the work day, I always start getting anxiety symptoms, and I think it’s because I dread going home and being with my husband, because I’m always afraid I’m going to do something wrong and make him mad at me. He is often really rude and disrespectful to me, and verbally abusive (never physical). He calls me names, tells me I’m stupid, and talks to me really condescendingly.
Before we married, I stressed to him that I wanted an equal partnership in marriage, and to share responsibilities equally too, since I would also be working. He totally agreed, but after we married, he told me he didn’t have to lie and pretend anymore, and that I have the vagina, he has the penis, therefore I do the household chores, and that he’s the man and I need to do what he says. I wish I had divorced then, but my family would have freaked because they are really religious and don’t believe in divorce, so I tried to make it work. My work day/commute is from 7:30am until 6:30pm. My husband’s work day is from 10am to 5:30pm, yet I have to do all the household chores/cooking/errands, except for taking out the trash/recycling and mowing the lawn.
I always do what he says. The only thing I’ve deliberately not obeyed is when he wanted to have a threesome with another woman. But, sometimes he will tell me to do something, and I honestly forget to do it – it just slipped my mind, and I didn’t disobey on purpose. He’ll say, “you need to learn to listen to me and do what I f’n say”, and that bothers me so much and makes me feel so belittled. It makes me so angry. Would that make you angry, or do you think it is his right that I should obey him because he has authority over me, being the man?
Does anyone have advice? I desperately want another child, and I know if I leave him now, I will never have another. I don’t know what to do…I used to think I would just stay with him until my children are grown (because I don’t want them to grow up in a broken home), but I just don’t know how I’ll be able to live like this, for that long. Am I being unreasonable with being upset at the way I’m treated? My Aunt told me I am, and that many women have it much worse than me, and I should just suck it up and learn to deal and stay with him. My mother is encouraging me also to just deal and not divorce, and that “maybe he’ll change”, and at least he doesn’t beat me…..
@Perfume - Thank you, I'm so confused, because I do feel I still love him and want to work things out, but then sometimes, I think I hate him and want to be done with him. If he would just be good to me, I would love him totally I think, but when he's so bad to me, it makes me hate him so much. My heart says stay, but my brain says go. I feel like it makes him happy to make me sad - wherein, when he makes mistakes, and is sad, I always try to make him feel better about himself. I'm very submissive, and would be very happy being submissive and listening to my husband if he treated me well, but it's like he tries to pick fights, and tries to make me feel bad, and he gets so mad when I make little mistakes.
To other posters, my husband is an atheist, I'm an ex-christian, and a current agnostic who is looking into other religions - studying Islam currently.
And, also, I fell like I would totally be able to find a new husband eventually, but I'm so getting close to 40, I'm afraid I would not be able to in time to have another baby, as I'm so close to being 40, and I really want my son to have a sibling