How would you handle this? In laws always try to come on our vacations.?

[menina0908]

Apologies in advance for the length. I originally asked this in another section but wanted some parents perspective. Maybe I'm overreacting.

When I moved overseas with my husband 4 years ago, I dreamed of us taking wonderful vacations through Europe. Since moving here though, I feel like I'm married to my in-laws (two individuals that, although not easy, I've learned to deal with for the most part), and with both me and my husband working so much and on different schedules, we barely have private time together.
Whenever we plan a vacation, my in-laws try to come. Each year, they take a fantastic one of their own together and when me and my husband plan our one and only vacation for the year, they want to tag along. My husband, daughter and I have yet to take a vacation alone together. These vacations with the in-laws are not ideal for me and the whole time I'm uncomfortable and having to explain everything I choose to do to the in-laws. I feel like we're constantly catering to them, waiting on them and having to do what they want to do.
Tomorrow, we were to leave very early in the morning (originally planned for 4am but being so excited, we were really hoping to go to sleep 3 hours ago so that we could leave at 2am) to go on a much anticipated camping trip to Italy and France. This was the dream vacation I have been waiting for and I was so excited. There were no plans for the in-laws to come along. A while ago, they had said they would meet us on the way back in Paris and when we insisted we were not changing our plans to go to Disneyland Paris, they said they were going to pass and had planned their own trip down to Tuscany later in August. Fine. Good.

An hour before wanting to go to bed today, we receive a text from my father in law saying that they booked at our first campsite, and would be seeing us the day we arrived. ???What???

My husband, who wanted this vacation to be just the 3 of us too called his father to find out what their plans were.... "Oh, we'll just follow you guys whereever you want to go." My husband said that, it's fine if they meet us at our first destination but that we really wanted to go off on our own for the rest. My father-in-law felt insulted, got mad, told my husband to have a nice vacation and hung up on him. We were both quite upset and the excitement we had been feeling for ages completely deflated. Wanting to clear things up and explain our desire to have a spontaneous vacation where we only had to worry about ourselves, my husband called his father back to explain. He seemed to understand but my mother in law was screaming in the back ground, basically writing my husband and me off, saying that she wished our daughter a nice vacation but not us. I feel awful about this whole thing and at the same time, am extremely angry that they would put us in this position just before we planned to leave. We ask and take nothing from them. I'm incredibly homesick and needed this time for me, my husband and daughter. I'm not excited anymore and am disappointed about the whole thing. How would you deal with this situation?
I should add that in small doses, I don't mind spending the time with them. I know that they like to spend time with us and our daughter. In March I invited and paid for a mini break for all of us so that they could have some special time, especially with their grand daughter.... but.... do they have to come everytime we go away?
Is it normal for in-laws to expect this and is it wrong for us to want to spend our family vacation alone?

 

[ClaudiaLucia]

Wow! That's a sticky situation! This is how I would handle it.

Call them and explain that ALL of you (you, your husband and your daughter), wanted some time alone together.

 

[tessa]

Yikes! i totally feel for you! I have inlaw issues too but we haven't actually been on any vacations so I can't say if they would follow us or not.
My advice: don't tell them where you're going. Pretend that you're doing the backpacking thing and making it up as you go along. We didn't tell my inlaws where we lived for a while when we first got married and it was AMAZING! My MIL wanted to stop by about about 9am the morning after our wedding.... my mom didn't tell them where we lived though (thankfully!).
Just tell them that you're going on a vacation to Italy and France and which dates (it's good for them to know incase something happens) but don't let them know the exct campsite and such. And if they find out, it's always okay to change plans last minute. Just say that you found another place and it was just too amazing to not stay at.
And inlaws get mad. Sometimes they don't talk to you for months. It's not always a bad thing You guys need to start setting your boundaries at some point. They're not going to like i but they will have to accept the fact that if they want to see you it will have to be on your terms, not always theirs.
It's not okay for them to intrude in your life like that. So go on your vacation. Deal with the inlaws when you get back. Or don't for a while until things cool down. It's just normal growing pains for a family to go through. My husband and I have been there and done that. Now that there's a grandchild int he picture my inlaws realize that they have to "play by our rules" if they want to see him. They still butt in where they shouldn't but they also know where we stand.
Good luck and make sure to not think about the situation at home until you're home. you can't deal with it while you're gone anyway.