How is my introduction to my essay on the death penalty?

[Caterina]

The death penalty is by where an individual who is accused and ultimately found guilty of a crime is put to death through various methods. It is the most capital punishment for the most heinous crimes. However, what message does the death penalty put out there to our children and residents of this great nation that we live in? Does it not advocate an eye for an eye in relation to law and order, does it not support the idea of tackling crime with more crime? Suppose the jury get it wrong, does it not take away a humans right to continue to live and such shouldn’t the state be held accountable? The death penalty in its most simplified form boils down to society indicating its moral outrage to criminals and potential criminals and showcasing to the people that the state is really coming down on law enforcement. It is all about show, all about the idea of deterring would-be criminals of the possibility of the sickening fate to have to face the death penalty. This is why the death penalty is such a flawed concept, as it serves no real purpose, maybe other than regulating the surplus in population. It behoves the state to attempt to rehabilitate criminals and help them become sociable again, not to kill off people that have allegedly made a mistake. And if the state is successful in rehabilitating criminals or accused criminals or new evidence to substantiate their innocence is discovered, they can be freed. But see, that’s the thing about the death penalty, you can’t bring people back from the dead.

 

[hotwheels122287]

this depends on what grade you are in. as a college student myself i would say this needs work -- its not too long though as the first answer has stated -- but it could use better vocabulary.. also, avoid asking questions in ANY essay. make your questions into assertions, along with your actual assertions that you HAVE put in there avoid "all about" unless you can 100% prove this with facts. dont put YOUR opinions in as facts unless you can back yourself up. "allegedly made a mistake" ? no, they have been proven guilty by the a judge and jury... "allegedly" is out the window once sentencing is finished as far as the government is concerned.

you also need to check for fragmented sentences other grammar mistakes and misspelled words....


also, you have a very weak thesis statement... if you even have one....you havent explained WHAT your essay is going to be about...or if you have, you have done poorly

 

[A:t]

too long.

 

[athedge]

You need to shorten this paragraph into a cohesive introduction to your argument. As it stands, you are making most of your arguments without much defense before you ever even begin the rest of your paper.

You are obviously against the death penalty. That's fine. If that's your argument, you should begin by saying "The death penalty is an ineffective deterrent of crime, a waste of taxpayer money, and a method of showboating by our legal system that is without positive effect." And then you explain how all of those facts will be proved in the rest of your paper.

To challenge you to think harder, I would ask the following:
1) The alternative to the death penalty in America is, as of right now, life in prison without the possibility of parole. How is that better? Will you rail against that the same way you do against the death penalty if "life without parole" becomes America's most severe criminal penalty?

2) What would you say to the prisoners who say they prefer death over the possibility of life without parole?

3) Can you admit that certain repeat offenders have no chance of being "rehabilitated"? Are some people just beyond our help?

4) Would the death penalty be more palatable to you if jury error (as you say, "getting it wrong") were lessened? In other words, if our legal system worked perfectly, would the death penalty be okay? Or is it wrong no matter what?

5) What about the racial disparities in our justice system? A disproportionate number of minorities are incarcerated, and also put to death, in our country.

6) What do you think of the subjective argument? "If you had a daughter/son/wife that was raped and murdered, you would feel exactly as I do and want the bastard dead. And you'd be right." Is the objective viewpoint the only valid viewpoint?

Just helping you out. Keep being a thinker.