How does my story sound?

Chazzle

New member
Oct 23, 2010
5
0
1
Harry and Jessica followed Gfar down the long corridors of the castle, looking around in awe. The walls were adorned with tapestries depicting the moon in its many forms and paintings of former Dweye leaders staring ahead with dreamy expressions. They passed many large wooden doors which led to more corridors and rooms they weren’t allowed to enter.
“Here we are,” Gfar announced when they arrived at a large marble door, covered in pictures and symbols unknown to Harry and Jessica.
Gfar placed his hand on the door and muttered something before the door swung open surprisingly fast considering its size and weight. Gfar ushered them through and closed the door behind them. They were in a courtyard, the most beautiful place they’d ever seen. The floor was covered with a white grass with white flowers of the strangest shapes growing out of it. Marble columns surrounded them in a circle, the shape of the moon, flowers growing up them. There were no buildings in sight, but in the gaps between the columns there were marble doors, identical to the one they’d just walked through. In the middle of the courtyard was a marble statue of a beautiful young woman looking up at the sky, hands held upwards. Jessica covered her eyes from the bright light coming down from the sky.
“What is that light?” she asked from behind her hands.
Gfar chuckled. “The Moon repays us for our services by shining on us all the time, giving us eternal day. Isn’t marvellous?”
“It’s bright,” Harry said, smiling.
“It is, isn’t it?” Gfar said admiringly.
Harry noticed some Dweyes standing in a corner of the courtyard, chanting in some strange language. They were wearing white cloaks with hoods that covered their eyes.
“What are they doing?” Harry asked pointing to them.
“Oh, they’re giving thanks to the Moon for all he does for us.”
Harry watched them as they continued chanting, thanking the Moon. It was oddly beautiful, just like the rest this place. Suddenly he noticed that one of them was watching him back, their eyes looking up at him from underneath their hood. They were dark purple, a contrast to all the white. Their lips curled up in a smile. He finally realised it was the face of a young man of eighteen years old; an attractive young man. Harry smiled back nervously, looking at Jessica to see her deep in conversation with Gfar.
The group of people stopped chanting and began to walk off in different directions. He watched as the young man walked over to where he was standing, frozen to the spot. There was something graceful about the way he moved, as if he were gliding across the white grass below his feet. He stopped in front of Harry and pulled his hood back, revealing a head of dark brown hair; unusual for a Dweye. He smiled at Harry, making his beautiful face almost unbearable to look at it was so beautiful.
“Hello,” he said, his voice like honey on the tongue.
“Hi,” Harry replied.
“I’m Fasd. What’s your name?”
“Harry.”
“Harry,” Fasd repeated thoughtfully. “Well Harry, what would you say to a tour around the castle?”
“Sure,” Harry said, forgetting about Gfar and Jessica. All his thoughts were focused on Fasd.
“Great, well shall we start?”
Harry nodded, unable to answer. Fasd smiled and took his hand. Harry looked down at it, unsure what to do. Fasd began to lead him to a marble door close to where they had been chanting. Harry followed willingly.

Yahoo won't let me put the rest so it will be in the next question. Sorry :)
 
Back
Top