So My fiancee and I are having our first child whom is due in 3 weeks!!! We have been together for 5 years now and he is EXACTLY the same as when I first met him. Not going to school, living like a slob, not wanting a better job because he is comfortable in the low paying one he has, thinking of himself and always putting himself first. Spending money on himself we do not have, he has gotten better about it but he still spends more money than we truly have on silly things like a $4 coffee everyday. It adds up to nearly $120 a month of coffee alone which is diapers and bills and food we could buy.
Things are and have been changing, we must prioritize money and keep up on chores and cleaning. We both just turned 24 less than 3 weeks ago so we both still have growing up to do. All the changes have been much easier for me than my fiancee and no matter what I do or say or how hard I try he just does not get it!!!
We argue about the same things over and over and he always says he will do it and he will change. And with me keeping on his case he does do it or change but only temporarily. As soon as I lay off him and cut him slack he takes advantage of it and goes right back to square one.
-Simple things like he does not wipe his hair off the counter after he shaves.
- He will just take his dirty clothes off and throw them right on the floor for me to clean up or yell at him till he picks it up 3 days later.
-If he spills food or drink on the counter or floor he just leaves it there to stain and dry instead of doing what a normal person would do and wipe it up. And not putting dishes in the sink and leaving them to rot and mold all over the house.
-He goes mountain biking and will drag his muddy bike, pack, clothes and shoes into the house on the carpet and throw his muddy stuff on the sofa which now has stains covered by a sheet.
-He does not wash his hands after taking a dump. My 5 year old cousin washes his hands any time he uses the bathroom, my fiancee will not even wash his hands after he takes a dump!!!
-He leaves small bolts and nuts and little tools and junk all over the house which is not acceptable now that we have a child who will put those things in his mouth and choke!!!
-He will blow his nose and toss the tissue on the ground or table and eat food and toss the trash on the floor even with a trash can 3 feet away. That is not normal or acceptable behaviour, the floor is not a trash can!
-He does not brush his teeth and has horrible hygene. Which has improved but is still not where it should be.
We actually have rats because I can not keep up with his constant crumb making, spilling of food, leaving of trash etc... I lived alone for 2 years before living with him and not once in my life have I ever had rats, mice, roaches or any pest problem until he moved in with me.
He is not a child but needs to be treated like one or nothing gets done. And I HATE having to be a nag and always get on his case to get simple things done. I wish he would just know they need to get done and just take responsibility. The worse part is that unless I scream, nag, yell and be a serious b*itch he will not do it, he will ignore me and brush it off saying he will do it when he feels like it, which ends up being never and I end up doing it for him. The only things that works is me yelling at him and threatening him with me leaving. It is rediculous.
I could tolerate some of the mess and things before but I do not want his bad filthy habbits rubbing off on our son and my priority in going to be caring for the baby and the babies safety and health... not following him around making sure he does simple things.
I LOVE my fiancee more than words could even say. That is why I have put up with this. But things have changed now that there is a baby involved his behaviour MUST change and I don't know how to get him to do it or realize. We are parents now, and role models.
I just can not have the baby in this situation and I will leave him if things don't change. How can I get through to him??? I love him and want to be with him so I want to work this out.
I have talked to him over and over but have not gotten through to him. Help!!!
Things are and have been changing, we must prioritize money and keep up on chores and cleaning. We both just turned 24 less than 3 weeks ago so we both still have growing up to do. All the changes have been much easier for me than my fiancee and no matter what I do or say or how hard I try he just does not get it!!!
We argue about the same things over and over and he always says he will do it and he will change. And with me keeping on his case he does do it or change but only temporarily. As soon as I lay off him and cut him slack he takes advantage of it and goes right back to square one.
-Simple things like he does not wipe his hair off the counter after he shaves.
- He will just take his dirty clothes off and throw them right on the floor for me to clean up or yell at him till he picks it up 3 days later.
-If he spills food or drink on the counter or floor he just leaves it there to stain and dry instead of doing what a normal person would do and wipe it up. And not putting dishes in the sink and leaving them to rot and mold all over the house.
-He goes mountain biking and will drag his muddy bike, pack, clothes and shoes into the house on the carpet and throw his muddy stuff on the sofa which now has stains covered by a sheet.
-He does not wash his hands after taking a dump. My 5 year old cousin washes his hands any time he uses the bathroom, my fiancee will not even wash his hands after he takes a dump!!!
-He leaves small bolts and nuts and little tools and junk all over the house which is not acceptable now that we have a child who will put those things in his mouth and choke!!!
-He will blow his nose and toss the tissue on the ground or table and eat food and toss the trash on the floor even with a trash can 3 feet away. That is not normal or acceptable behaviour, the floor is not a trash can!
-He does not brush his teeth and has horrible hygene. Which has improved but is still not where it should be.
We actually have rats because I can not keep up with his constant crumb making, spilling of food, leaving of trash etc... I lived alone for 2 years before living with him and not once in my life have I ever had rats, mice, roaches or any pest problem until he moved in with me.
He is not a child but needs to be treated like one or nothing gets done. And I HATE having to be a nag and always get on his case to get simple things done. I wish he would just know they need to get done and just take responsibility. The worse part is that unless I scream, nag, yell and be a serious b*itch he will not do it, he will ignore me and brush it off saying he will do it when he feels like it, which ends up being never and I end up doing it for him. The only things that works is me yelling at him and threatening him with me leaving. It is rediculous.
I could tolerate some of the mess and things before but I do not want his bad filthy habbits rubbing off on our son and my priority in going to be caring for the baby and the babies safety and health... not following him around making sure he does simple things.
I LOVE my fiancee more than words could even say. That is why I have put up with this. But things have changed now that there is a baby involved his behaviour MUST change and I don't know how to get him to do it or realize. We are parents now, and role models.
I just can not have the baby in this situation and I will leave him if things don't change. How can I get through to him??? I love him and want to be with him so I want to work this out.
I have talked to him over and over but have not gotten through to him. Help!!!