My "boyfriend" (19) and i (18) are coming to what i feel is the end. Weve been together for nearly two years. I keep wanting to try, but it cant work because im the only one who wants the best for us. Im tired of being the only one who is actually using my head and thinking. Hes hurt me twice, lied and deceived me, its hard to believe i forgave him, but he continues making mistakes. He talks rudely to me and when i tell him i dont like something he does, he continues to do so, and says things that puts strain on us. I cant deal with him making me feel like i want to leave the relationship, im tired of us being on and off. I want to move on, but in my heart i dont, and i need to just make up my mind, but incase i feel i should move on, i am looking for advice. Its so hard to let go, he was the one i came to for everything, my comfort, my rock, he complimented me in every aspect of my life. We stood side by side in everything we came across, but recently hes just branched out and made me feel like im not a part of anything anymore. He doesnt consult me before he makes rash decisions. Ive felt like im just the girl he talks to, nothing more... He was my sweetpea, everything in my life is great, he was like the icing on the cake. & i love icing on my cake 
I hate starting on square 1 with him, we get so far, and then were back at square 1 the next week. I feel its all or nothing, he cant only be here when he feels like it. Before him, ive had my share of heartbreaks, and didnt want to have a relationship honestly. I wanted to be alone, i knew it wouldve been smart to hold back, but without thinking, i put my whole heart into the relationship, and now my whole heart is aching and breaking before my eyes. A part of me wants to just disappear, get a new number, move states, get rid of my fb, email, everything. I just wanted him to stick together through every argument, but he walked away and never faces our problems. He has all my trust and doesnt even see it, i just wanna crawl into a hole and cry for eternity :'( If it comes to a point that i NEED to move on, what can i do to help the process. I feel like all i can do is listen to sad songs and cry all night Idk what kindof answers im looking for.. I just need to vent, i dont feel comfortable talking to anyone i know about this. And i obviously cant go to him about my feelings im at a loss honestly..
I hate starting on square 1 with him, we get so far, and then were back at square 1 the next week. I feel its all or nothing, he cant only be here when he feels like it. Before him, ive had my share of heartbreaks, and didnt want to have a relationship honestly. I wanted to be alone, i knew it wouldve been smart to hold back, but without thinking, i put my whole heart into the relationship, and now my whole heart is aching and breaking before my eyes. A part of me wants to just disappear, get a new number, move states, get rid of my fb, email, everything. I just wanted him to stick together through every argument, but he walked away and never faces our problems. He has all my trust and doesnt even see it, i just wanna crawl into a hole and cry for eternity :'( If it comes to a point that i NEED to move on, what can i do to help the process. I feel like all i can do is listen to sad songs and cry all night Idk what kindof answers im looking for.. I just need to vent, i dont feel comfortable talking to anyone i know about this. And i obviously cant go to him about my feelings im at a loss honestly..