Atheists, what's your favorite joke about religion?

[Reiem:devourerofsouls]

So the Pope is taking a shower, and as he's in there, he feels a slight pang of temptation. While he tries to resist, eventually he gives in, and begins to pleasure himself. As it doesn't happen all that often, he really gets into it, heavy breathing, limbs flailing. Really having a good old time. Just as he comes to climax, he knocks the shower curtain open with his arm, just in time to see the flash of a flashbulb. Looking up, the pope sees a photographer leaning in the window, who quickly runs off.

Throwing on his robe, the pope bolts after him, and eventually catches up to the journalist.
"My son" He says. "What can I do to ensure that photo never again sees the light of day?"
The photographer, knowing what the photo is worth says
"Nothing! This photo is going to make me rich!"

The pope, desperate to avoid the shame the photo will cause pleads.
"My son. I will give you $100,000 right now in exchange for your camera"
The photographer begrudingly agrees, hands over the camera, and they go their separate ways.
As he is walking back to the bathroom, the pope bumps into a cardinal who sees the camera hanging about the pope's neck.
"Holy Father." The cardinal says "What a lovely new camera that is! May I ask what you paid for it?"
The pope, bitter about the whole affair mutters back;
"$100,000"

The cardinal lets out a low whistle and responds;



















"$100,000!? Wow! Heavenly Father, they must have seen you coming!"

 

[Remy]

It's not really a joke but the fact that people talk to an invisible guy that has no proof of existance...now I find that hilarious!

If you're looking for a good laugh, go on youtube and search "George Carlin Religion is bulls***" It's soo funny! it's over 10 minutes long, but it's so worth it!!!

 

[Pianoman]

What do you get when you cross a Jehovahs witness with an atheist?

Someone who knocks on your door for no reason at all!

(Kinda weak, but I like it)

 

[hewray]

The idea that women originated from a man's rib

It just seems so.. feral lol

 

[[rhbe]]

See, this is why people hate atheists. Because they make fun of people that have a religion. I don't hate you so why do you hate me?

 

[knightrider2007]

It's the one about the atheist who told religious jokes all the time and ended up in hell.

 

[eeeeIaneeee]

i like to walk on ice in the winter saying "LOOK! I CAN WALK ON WATER TOO!".....im gonna get struck by lightning arent I?

btw, i got nothin against religion lol

 

[TICKLEPOPPERt]

i have a nipple in my pocket

 

[t]

Although I am a none believer, I prefer to respect those that follow and not joke about religion because I would like the same respect back from them for not believing. But my method never seems to work out because religious people just can't except it.

 

[t]

call me a cynic, but man was the second answer funny:
"Laugh while you still can.

Don't say you weren't warned."

lol, best joke on the page. i couldn't even t/d him

 

[Candide]

I don't know much about jokes, but I used to have some jokes from beliefnet....

A wife and a husband is arguing who should brew the tea. The wife says according to the bible, the husband should brew the tea. The husband asked where in the bible? The wife said, "HEBREWS!"

A car passes by a priest, who is holding a sign, "THE END IS NEAR!" and the driver ignored the priest, and the next thing happens is that the car falls over from a broken bridge.

That's the two I can remember now...

 

[PopeBeanI]

Read the Lieble. If you keep in mind that some people actually believe it, it's really funny at times.

 

[StephanP]

A Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist
There was a Christian lady who lived next door to an atheist. Every day, when the lady prayed, the atheist guy could hear her. He thought to himself, "She sure is crazy, praying all the time like that. Doesn't she know there isn't a God?"

Many times while she was praying, he would go to her house and harass her, saying "Lady, why do you pray all the time? Don't you know there is no God?" But she kept on praying.

One day, she ran out of groceries. As usual, she was praying to the Lord explaining her situation and thanking Him for what He was gonna do. As usual, the atheist heard her praying and thought to himself, "Humph! I'll fix her."

He went to the grocery store, bought a whole bunch of groceries, took them to her house, dropped them off on the front porch, rang the door bell and then hid in the bushes to see what she would do. When she opened the door and saw the groceries, she began to praise the Lord with all her heart, jumping, singing and shouting everywhere! The atheist then jumped out of the bushes and told her, "You ol' crazy lady, God didn't buy you those groceries, I bought those groceries!" At hearing this, she broke out and started running down the street, shouting and praising the Lord.

When he finally caught her, he asked what her problem was. She said, "I knew the Lord would provide me with some groceries, but I didn't know he was gonna make the devil pay for them!"

 

[Solrac]

the pope and his views on condoms...what an idiot!

 

[theyguy]

Why did the Christian cross the road?

His dick was stuck in the chicken.

 

[v]

Footprint in the sand beat me to it
but have you heard the one about the Jew, the christian and the Buddhist who walked into a bar?

 

[Danny]

im a devout muslim

dont make fun of religion

or you will suffer for it after you die

 

[FootprintsintheSand]

Religion itself.

It always makes me laugh.

 

[someguy1]

That whole Noah-flood-save the animals story. Hilarious!