AmmoniumChloride106
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- Jul 19, 2011
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In the first paragraph of my story, a patient named Catherine awoke inside the emergency room. She was weak and relatively dying from an unknown disease. The doctor was watching his patient through the window when a nurse came out. She handed the doctor Catherine's blood result. The doctor was surprised, realizing that her sickness was impossible to cure, however, he felt that Catherine never loosed hope, so he decided to use "The Cure."
The narrator in the story is the doctor (first person). I could not describe this scene clearly. I was somewhat having difficulties. Please help me describe this scene. I would like the first few sentences to show Catherine on the hospital bed, describing how weak she was. Actually, she had only one hour to live, and everything was happening at midnight.
The rest of the paragraphs in my story are fine. I am only having difficulties with the intro paragraph. By the way, this is a zombie story. Here is the plot:
there is a girl in the ER and its her final hour and the doc decides to use the cure as a last resort and then after shes treated shes seems getting better and put in a recovery room and this is all happeing at midnight and most of the staff went home and only a couple of nurses and doctors are still in and suddenly the powers cut due to a rain storm out side and the doctor goes to check on the "cured" paitent and fines shes not in the bed but instead sees a nurse being eaten inside out with that horrible chewing noise when a zombie is eating and then suddenly she notices the doctor which is turning around to run but she jumps him and you just hear a a brief screaming which repeats getting softer and theen it goes to a blank screen
The narrator in the story is the doctor (first person). I could not describe this scene clearly. I was somewhat having difficulties. Please help me describe this scene. I would like the first few sentences to show Catherine on the hospital bed, describing how weak she was. Actually, she had only one hour to live, and everything was happening at midnight.
The rest of the paragraphs in my story are fine. I am only having difficulties with the intro paragraph. By the way, this is a zombie story. Here is the plot:
there is a girl in the ER and its her final hour and the doc decides to use the cure as a last resort and then after shes treated shes seems getting better and put in a recovery room and this is all happeing at midnight and most of the staff went home and only a couple of nurses and doctors are still in and suddenly the powers cut due to a rain storm out side and the doctor goes to check on the "cured" paitent and fines shes not in the bed but instead sees a nurse being eaten inside out with that horrible chewing noise when a zombie is eating and then suddenly she notices the doctor which is turning around to run but she jumps him and you just hear a a brief screaming which repeats getting softer and theen it goes to a blank screen