How do I tell my future mother in law that she is not welcome to come to the

Just agree to go to the meetings, then if you don't care for her selections compared to what you have found for yourself then it's not a big deal. If you blow her off out of hand you might be missing out on some brilliant planning that you could be just what you want. She knows the area better than you do and just because they are her friends doesn't mean she's not well connected. Wait until you get there to figure out what is really going on. It's too early to "set boundaries" with a human being; a puppy maybe.

You aren't marrying a man. You are marrying a family. I think you are unreasonable. Pick an area where you have the least concern, such as florist. Cave a little and you will do a lot to enhance your relationship.

If you and your fiance both feel this way, it is his responsibility to speak to her and set boundaries. Do not take it into your own hands.

You let him handle his mother that is what you do.

Also, stop referring to it as "my" wedding, and start referring to it as "our" wedding.

Right now, yes you are coming off as total bitch to me and I don't even know you, if you go to her with the attitude you have in this question and details that is how you are going to come off to her.

She is simply trying to be helpful especially since you're not from the area and wont really know other than reviews who is trustworthy and who is not and you're throwing it back in her face. Just tell her (or rather have her son tell her) "We appreciate your input and suggestions however, we have decided amongst the two of us how we would like things to be".

Her eagerness shows she is excited about this wedding for her son (again its not just your wedding), don't totally ruin that for her. One some level if you're in the beginning stages of your planning you may grow to appreciate someone who is willing to help you. Wedding planning can be very stressful. I welcomed my MIL wanting to help, I didn't exclude her from things. Anything I included my mom in, I also included his mom. We also paid for our own wedding (as we should have). The finances of my wedding wasn't a deciding factor for how I opted to treat people.

If you go to her with the attitude you have in these details you're going to right off the bat create a bad relationship with her and also create bad feelings where there doesn't need to be any.

Learn to pick your battles... everything in the wedding doesn't need to be one of them.

Edit: This woman may be a stranger to you, but clearly she isn't to your fiance.

This is between she and her son, and not you, my dear. IF you "set boundaries" on this you risk starting your marriage with serious problems. You are marrying her son, after all.

BUT, that doesn't mean she has to go with you. BUT her son is going to have to graciously tell her that the two of you want to do it on your own. (Not "by yourselves" but "on your own" so you can "make unrushed choices.") If he's not willing to take care of it, then you'll have to go to Plan B.

If she goes with you, make NO decisions at the time of the appointments. Take good notes, tell the vendors you will get back with them asap, and move on to the next appointment. That evening you and your boyfriend go someplace alone and make some decisions. Then make calls the next morning. It's better than "setting boundaries" the first time you meet your future MIL.

Hand write her a thank you note. Be sincere about how much you appreciate her doing he leg work for your wedding plans and that her input thus far has been wonderful and you appreciate her sharing her resources. Then proceed to tell her that you and (her son's name here) will take it from here and go to the appointments yourselves. Then, thank her again for her research which will make you and her son narrow down your selections for your wedding plans.

Remember, do not use "us" and "we" as she will think she is included. Always say yourself and her son so it is clear that the two of you are a unit and will be making the appointments, choices and final decisions yourselves.

By writing a note, you will be perceived as being thankful, which you are, of course. But, it is much more personal than an e-mail or a text. Besides, by thanking her for a job well done, you are, essentially letting her go and off the hook for any further involvement. Well, at least, let's hope she has social grace and has taken the hint that her services are no longer needed.

This is your wedding not hers and she needs to stop controlling this and let you and your fiancee take care of things. At least she is thinking of you guys and trying to help you. Just go to these places she has picked out and see what they have to offer. If its something neither of you like than go else where. If you and your fiancee are paying for the wedding than you both have the final say in everything not her!

Tell her thank you for helping you out and setting things up for you but just say that its best that you and your fiancee go alone to these appointments so you can get an idea for yourself without her being there barging in deciding for you. Good luck with everything and hope it goes well.

You need to let your fiance deal with this. Perhaps allow her some small tasks, but as you say, it's your wedding to plan.

My mother-in-law rang and emailed me a lot with websites and ideas while my husband and I were planning our wedding. I always looked at what she sent us, and I even agreed with some of the things she found and incorporated them into the wedding. I would never have chosen a parasol if she hadn't found it and sent me a link! My father-in-law told us regularly that if there was any problem they could put money towards to make it go away, just say so. While greatly appreciated, we didn't take them up on that offer!

Take comfort in the fact that she can't sign contracts on your behalf, so can't run up debts in your name! Talk about a game plan with your fiance on what, if any, things you're comfortable with your future MIL taking on, and let him speak to her about it.

Problems with in laws are no laughing matter. I did not always get along with my husbands family in the beginning. This article has good tips on how to get along with your in laws

Your fiance, her son tells her, not you sorry..

I can't understand though why she has picked the location, florist,caterer, photographer
surely you and your fiance do that,
To be honest it would be nice if you could include her in some of the planning as it is her son
that is getting married

Really, its more your fiance's duty to talk to his mother thatn yours. He just needs to make clear that he is speaking for both of you.

You should not tell her anything. Her son needs to be the one to tell her. If he will not, it is a HUGE red flag about what the rest of your life will be. Imagine if you have a child! She will be directing everything. This is not only about the wedding but more about your marriage to be. BE CAREFUL. You DO marry the family
ps Usually the wedding is held where the bride lives, not where the groom lives and probably for this reason

Don't tell her that there is a wedding appointment at all!!! If i were you I will avoid the drama

Your fiance should be the one to set his mother straight. He can cushion an assertive message like such...

"Mom, it's so great you have all these connections, it will really help Sarah and I plan the wedding of our dreams. The two of us really look forward to planning this wedding together as a couple. Thanks for laying the ground work. You can take it easy now!"

First of all, you don't say anything about it. It's your fiance's mother, so it's your fiance's responsibility to set the boundaries with her. All you have to do is show up and be polite.

Until there are contracts and deposits made, no decisions have been made. She may have promised her friend that he can be the photographer, but unless you sign a contract and write a check he isn't your photographer. He can come and take photos for fun, but that doesn't mean he is the photographer who you HAVE paid and who you DO have a contract with. So, I wouldn't freak out too much about her 'hijacking' your wedding just yet.

Frankly, I don't see a reason why she can't come with you as long as your fiance lays down some ground rules. Again, it's his responsibility to set her straight, not yours.

Dont be so selfish and let her help. If she is planning stuff, she might be paying for stuff too. Dont lose family over a damn wedding.

Sadly you can't say anything without looking like the bad guy here. Your FIANCE needs to say something! Your fiance needs to man up and pick up a phone and call his mother and explain to her that the two of you want to go ALONE to the vendors to plan the wedding. HE needs to say something like how it is a special, private time, he would like to have ALONE with YOU. Only HE can get through to his mother.
He needs to avoid saying that you don't want her there. He needs to make it sound like HE and only HE really wants to be alone in the planning.

If she is paying for the wedding then you might have to put up with some of her choices but you dont have to give in to everything.

Its his mother, so your fiance needs to bring it up not you. you guys can thank her for all her efforts and ideas, but just say you had already had this or that idea. if she's really pushy and unreasonable, then maybe you will need to be a bit firmer. I would start with a super polite approach, like she can come along, but then you make the decision, and if you want to look at comparative florists or venues, as she's not paying, you canalways use the excuse that its a bit pricy and you want to look around.

you don't