From about five to seven.years old my step grandmom used to kinda touch me . she would wait until I walked pass her in the kitchen and she would "wiggle" her fingers on the very bottom of my butt... Even though I was only 5 , 6 , & 7 years old I knew that it felt wrong and each time I said stop ! I mean each and every time I would cover my bottom area with both hands and whine to her to stop but she considered it to be tickling me . I would trap myself, at 5 -7 years old , in my room because she wouldn't stop .
One day when I was about 7 years old she saw the terrified look on my face and finally stopped but I was and still am so mentally and physically effected by this . In pre school to third grade I sexually acted out ALOT . Especially in second grade . I would touch other children because that's what was being done to me and I lost friends. I began talking to my step grandmom like ish !!! Like at five I didn't like her and she has a habit of talking down to people like youre an idiot and she doesn't realize it and I dont think she cares . Anyway , I am nearly 30 and I made myself forget about the touching until about three years ago and now my depression is much worse . I am back to not sleeping again.

When I bought this touching to her attention it got bad . Now shes 80 & she's losing her hair . Shes stressed about alot of things and her health is getting bad but I cant say that I really care . She didn't care about my feelings. I just want to forget about this touching.because its ruined my life and, my social skills... I feel so guilty about my sexually acting out because I touched other children and I tried to have sexual relationship s with girls and boys and the age of 5 -6!!! I feel like I might have hurt them by touching them too and I feel so guilty . I just wish she would have stopped all the times that I asked her to ... How can I get passed this ? Im losing sleep and I have absolutely no close relationship with ANYONE because of my trust issues and anger. Give me something encouraging to think about . Its 4 am and I cannot sleep ...