white bumps had recently showed up right on my urethra. basically next to my pee hole and around it. they hurt so bad. i can never sleep at night. then i began getting red bumps with a black center on my butt cheeeks kind of. i thought they would be like some kind of rash from my underwear but they are irritating also. THEN i began getting pimple likee bumps right above my butt crack... or rectum whatever you call it. they hurt so bad i cant sit. i went to the doctor yesterday and he said it couuld be herpes or genital waarts. he told me he would call me in a few days and tell me. but im almost sure that its herpes.. im an 18 year old college student. i wouldve never thought that i could be a victim of herpes. i went and got checked last week for HIV gonnorhea, chlamydia and syphilis. All were negative.i was so happy and then all of a sudden i get herpes. The thing that saddens me is that, now, i cant really have a normal life anymore. The pain is not worth living for. Id rather not live through the guilt and pain inside of me. It saddens me more because i like this guy(Jake) soo much. we have been talking for almost a year, but not dating. i finally told him how i felt a few days ago and it sucks now because, i cant ever be anything with him. What sucks even more is i also like his friend(Keith). But i would do anything and give anything to be with Jake. i have been both sexually active with both men. Please dont bash on me about this. I know its wrong but they both know that i like both guys. Keith went to new jeresey for the summer and had sex with 2 girls, and got 1 girl pregnant but she had got an aborttion. We had sex and he did not use a condom. Im pretty sure if i do have herpes or an STD, i probably caught it from him. I dont think its jake because i;ve been talking to him longer than keith and the last girl he had sex with was me and we always use a condom because, he did get a girl pregnant but he has nothing to do with the child and hes very protective because he does not want another one. The last person i had sex with was Keith. I dont want to tell him that i have herpes but i would just like to know where i got it from. Im not going to sue or anything because thats just too much work. These past few days, ive been in depression mode. Been skipping classes/work. i feel gross and dirty and bummy and i dont feel like going out at all. i just wanna die. opinions.advice please? again. please no negative comments.