My husband and I have been together for three years and married for only three months. I love him very much; he is fun and sweet. However, he does not do anything to help around the house and I am at my wit's end.
I work a very demanding job; I frequently put in 12-14 hours a day and I only get about five hours of sleep. I am constantly swamped and stressed and I have to let something slide. Unfortunately, that something is household chores. I get up early in the morning, but only have about 15 minutes in which to get things done.
My husband works forty hours a week max, then comes home and either plays World of Warcraft or surfs fark.com. He has a list of household chores, but he never does any of them. I have tried everything I can think of, but can get no help from him. I need a partner who can help me pick up the slack at home when I am too busy at work to get things done, but as it is, I cannot even get him to do his share, let alone start on mine.
I have tried everything I can think of (obviously not at the same time).
Asking politely.
Begging.
Trying to make him sympathize with my issue.
Bribing.
Demanding.
Yelling.
Threatening/making ultimatums.
Not doing anything (Supposedly things will get so bad that the guy will eventually get fed up and start doing work. Instead, my parents came to visit, said our house looks like a crack den, and refuse to come back.)
Creating a chore list.
Crying.
“Grounding him (taking away his computer.).”
Rewarding for getting things done.
Praising him for the mediocre job he does do.
Doing the chores together.
Counseling ($1,500 down the drain for one month of improvement right before the wedding, but hey! At least now we know it’s because his mother never made him do chores.).
Withholding intimate “favors.”
Sleeping in another room.
Doing them all myself in an effort to make him feel guilty for not helping me.
I’m to the point where I am sick all the time because I am working myself to the max. I have tried to find a less taxing position, but A) I have no time to apply for different ones and B) the economy is making it difficult.
Has anyone found ANYTHING remotely helpful with getting their significant other to pitch in at home? I am afraid my last option will be leaving for good.
buy paper plates and cups and don't cook order out, stop doing his laundry let it build up then start cleaning other things around the house when he ask for sex tell him you are to tired from cleaning and that if he don't start helping out a little things are going to look grim in that department, when he starts bitching about his clothes take him into the laundry room and show him how to wash his own clothes, he might figure out its not that hard, then when he starts bitching about paper plates & cups show him how to use the dish washer , or the sink. then after this tell him if he can do these things once in awhile that you will have enough energy to have some hot sex again.
Try 1. do not buy food so there will be no mess
2. buy a dish washer so he can put the dishes in the diswasher
3. try a maid let it come out of his check
4. do not do his laundry ever
5. Put your foot down, he either does half of the chores or he goes out the door and leave to a hotel for a weekend' You will have a clean place at least for a couple of days. You are not his mother and you are not his house keeper.
6. take all his toys away until he learns to clean
Try 1. do not buy food so there will be no mess
2. buy a dish washer so he can put the dishes in the diswasher
3. try a maid let it come out of his check
4. do not do his laundry ever
5. Put your foot down, he either does half of the chores or he goes out the door and leave to a hotel for a weekend' You will have a clean place at least for a couple of days. You are not his mother and you are not his house keeper.
6. take all his toys away until he learns to clean
It is time to bring out the ultimate threat:
Help or I walk.
And if he doesn't then walk.
Don't clean his clothes for him. He can walk around in
smelly clothes. Only cook for yourself. If he wants something
then he will have to fix it himself. Stop talking to him for
as long as his chores remains undone. Only shop for yourself. Get nothing for him. If he wants anything he will have to shop for himself. Keep this up until he either starts
helping or he walks out. If he does walk out then he didn't really care for you. He is the one acting like you two aren't as one. So act separately. Good luck.
Try 1. do not buy food so there will be no mess
2. buy a dish washer so he can put the dishes in the diswasher
3. try a maid let it come out of his check
4. do not do his laundry ever
5. Put your foot down, he either does half of the chores or he goes out the door and leave to a hotel for a weekend' You will have a clean place at least for a couple of days. You are not his mother and you are not his house keeper.
6. take all his toys away until he learns to clean
It is time to bring out the ultimate threat:
Help or I walk.
And if he doesn't then walk.
Don't clean his clothes for him. He can walk around in
smelly clothes. Only cook for yourself. If he wants something
then he will have to fix it himself. Stop talking to him for
as long as his chores remains undone. Only shop for yourself. Get nothing for him. If he wants anything he will have to shop for himself. Keep this up until he either starts
helping or he walks out. If he does walk out then he didn't really care for you. He is the one acting like you two aren't as one. So act separately. Good luck.
First of all neither you nor he are children (grounding him? taking his computer away? seriously? are you his mother or his wife??? and crying? ultimatums? BIG no-no's) no wonder nothing you've tried has worked you are not acting like an adult in a partnership you either act like a child or his mother.
At this point you may just have to accept him for who he is unless you are prepared to walk out after only 3 months of marriage. (in which case is quite sad and shows you never should have gotten married in the first place since you can't seem to handle it) Some people are just messy people and if you don't like it just pick up your own messes and keep where you go to most clean. He's his own person and your the one that chose to marry him when you knew he was like this before counseling (ONLY a month???) you've gotta do what you gotta do. Leave or accept it.
First of all neither you nor he are children (grounding him? taking his computer away? seriously? are you his mother or his wife??? and crying? ultimatums? BIG no-no's) no wonder nothing you've tried has worked you are not acting like an adult in a partnership you either act like a child or his mother.
At this point you may just have to accept him for who he is unless you are prepared to walk out after only 3 months of marriage. (in which case is quite sad and shows you never should have gotten married in the first place since you can't seem to handle it) Some people are just messy people and if you don't like it just pick up your own messes and keep where you go to most clean. He's his own person and your the one that chose to marry him when you knew he was like this before counseling (ONLY a month???) you've gotta do what you gotta do. Leave or accept it.
First of all neither you nor he are children (grounding him? taking his computer away? seriously? are you his mother or his wife??? and crying? ultimatums? BIG no-no's) no wonder nothing you've tried has worked you are not acting like an adult in a partnership you either act like a child or his mother.
At this point you may just have to accept him for who he is unless you are prepared to walk out after only 3 months of marriage. (in which case is quite sad and shows you never should have gotten married in the first place since you can't seem to handle it) Some people are just messy people and if you don't like it just pick up your own messes and keep where you go to most clean. He's his own person and your the one that chose to marry him when you knew he was like this before counseling (ONLY a month???) you've gotta do what you gotta do. Leave or accept it.
First of all neither you nor he are children (grounding him? taking his computer away? seriously? are you his mother or his wife??? and crying? ultimatums? BIG no-no's) no wonder nothing you've tried has worked you are not acting like an adult in a partnership you either act like a child or his mother.
At this point you may just have to accept him for who he is unless you are prepared to walk out after only 3 months of marriage. (in which case is quite sad and shows you never should have gotten married in the first place since you can't seem to handle it) Some people are just messy people and if you don't like it just pick up your own messes and keep where you go to most clean. He's his own person and your the one that chose to marry him when you knew he was like this before counseling (ONLY a month???) you've gotta do what you gotta do. Leave or accept it.
First of all neither you nor he are children (grounding him? taking his computer away? seriously? are you his mother or his wife??? and crying? ultimatums? BIG no-no's) no wonder nothing you've tried has worked you are not acting like an adult in a partnership you either act like a child or his mother.
At this point you may just have to accept him for who he is unless you are prepared to walk out after only 3 months of marriage. (in which case is quite sad and shows you never should have gotten married in the first place since you can't seem to handle it) Some people are just messy people and if you don't like it just pick up your own messes and keep where you go to most clean. He's his own person and your the one that chose to marry him when you knew he was like this before counseling (ONLY a month???) you've gotta do what you gotta do. Leave or accept it.