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Everybody I know who was in jail, wasn't allowed to bring a laptop or computer with them...

Lots of jails have libraries etc. that have computers inmates can use.

Do you mean they are too big to fit into the plug on the lappy? If so then it probably has just a phone plug on it (for dial-up). If this is the case, don't jam it in there, it won't work even if...

According to CryTek no, but possibly the next version.

NO, definately not. If you try to jam it in (won't physically fit correctly), you will break it.

You need to go into better detail, a black cord could literally be for anything.

For $50 you can get a wireless router that is more than adequate, and definately better than nothing.

No, not true lol

Only if you download a virus, in all my years using it I have never gotten a virus, just be more cautions when downloading an executable file.

Either cable, or something like an EVDO card from Verizon, (or other company.) Both will probably be around $50/month.

If the satellite speed is faster than 56k, then yeah it definately will run better.

Microsoft...

You really need to purchase a home networking router, from a company such as Linksys or D-Link. Connect the Uplink/WAN port on the back of the router to the LAN port of the modem. Most home routers...

No it can't, HD-DVD's are no longer made, it's deprecated.