mimmmofmmadowmamdmm
New member
- Nov 23, 2008
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thats how ive been all my life because of the way lifes treated me , im very distrustful , wary of people in general. all the relationships ive ever had in life have been one sided ' unrequited friendships '.
the only happy time in my life was when i was a young kid and young adolescent where i had lots of friends and life was secure and happy..
but since then my life, sadly has been a nightmare , took a hellish turn , ive suffered victimization, bullying, street attacks , head injuries
( which i caused because i lost control of rage and went berserk in the street shouting obscenities and attacking everyone )
that was in 1997, since then ive been in a mental hospital, - have a criminal record - been homeless for 12 months living in the salvation army.
missed out on everything in life people take for granted : forming relationships , having a job, education, gaining qualifications, social skills , gaining them, my self esteem destroyed because of severe victimization.
i dont really care to admit all this , i dont give a monkeys about telling it.
in the present im now 31, live alone in a one bedroom apartment, i own very little except the bare essentials, i was diagnosed with a personality disorder BPD, and ptsd traits , struggle with aggression and rage for years , paranoia , panic and anxiety, agoraphobia , very low self esteem.
ive been seeking help and therapy for a long time, the help i want ( individual psychotherapy ) is not available in my area due to lack of resources, so they offered me an occupational therapist to help integrate me back in society.
so im taking the help and im determined to try and get my goals in life, moving near the sea , somewhere quiet, coastal, with a decent computer job, and hopefully good friends and someone to share my life with..
im a very private person, but also very proud , and even though i live through tough circumstances , i dont like to be viewed as a charity case, and i wont be taken in by people who treat me as that..
i dont like loud, dramatic people or phony people.
but because ive had such a rough time in life , never made any friends , i find myself in the position where i dont know who to trust ........whos my friend ? who is genuine ? whos out to deceive me ? who has false intentions ? whos my enemy ?
i live alone , which i like , but suffer terrible loneliness and isolation and feel alienated from society, i also feel very vulnerable.
the only things that keep me going are my future goals of relocation near the coast, a wife and a better life.
the only happy time in my life was when i was a young kid and young adolescent where i had lots of friends and life was secure and happy..
but since then my life, sadly has been a nightmare , took a hellish turn , ive suffered victimization, bullying, street attacks , head injuries
( which i caused because i lost control of rage and went berserk in the street shouting obscenities and attacking everyone )
that was in 1997, since then ive been in a mental hospital, - have a criminal record - been homeless for 12 months living in the salvation army.
missed out on everything in life people take for granted : forming relationships , having a job, education, gaining qualifications, social skills , gaining them, my self esteem destroyed because of severe victimization.
i dont really care to admit all this , i dont give a monkeys about telling it.
in the present im now 31, live alone in a one bedroom apartment, i own very little except the bare essentials, i was diagnosed with a personality disorder BPD, and ptsd traits , struggle with aggression and rage for years , paranoia , panic and anxiety, agoraphobia , very low self esteem.
ive been seeking help and therapy for a long time, the help i want ( individual psychotherapy ) is not available in my area due to lack of resources, so they offered me an occupational therapist to help integrate me back in society.
so im taking the help and im determined to try and get my goals in life, moving near the sea , somewhere quiet, coastal, with a decent computer job, and hopefully good friends and someone to share my life with..
im a very private person, but also very proud , and even though i live through tough circumstances , i dont like to be viewed as a charity case, and i wont be taken in by people who treat me as that..
i dont like loud, dramatic people or phony people.
but because ive had such a rough time in life , never made any friends , i find myself in the position where i dont know who to trust ........whos my friend ? who is genuine ? whos out to deceive me ? who has false intentions ? whos my enemy ?
i live alone , which i like , but suffer terrible loneliness and isolation and feel alienated from society, i also feel very vulnerable.
the only things that keep me going are my future goals of relocation near the coast, a wife and a better life.