...interested in helping? Hi, i'm a 20 year old male with a hell of a problem and i feel so alone in this and would like to grab some outside opinions on this. I'm having a very hard time believeing that what i'm going through is anxiety and nothing else. Heres my story:
I know i have always had issues with anxiety even from a little kid. I was a very quiet and shy kid who only used to stick with a few friends. I used to go home sick from school when i was about 8 alot complaining that i had a sore stomach. This was usually when my friends would exclude me from their group. After numerous doctors visits, they couldnt determine anything wrong. Nobody told me what those stomach aches were, but now i know that it was anxiety.
Flash forward a few years, i experience a loss of a very very close relative at the age of 11 which really took its toll on me and sent the family haywire.
From 11 to about 16, i experienced a lot of domestic violence happening in my home, i was personally never harmed, but it did have its effect of anxiety, it used to make me feel sick a lot - anxiety again. From this time, i always have a problem with confrontation and arguments, ive tried to avoid conflict where ever i can because of the anxiety i get.
When i was 17 starting year 12 i began getting very nervous around my school mates for no reason at all. I would literally not be able to sit next to them because i'd get a thought in my head saying ' what if i panic and go red when i sit next to them' and as you'd guess, thats exactly what happened. Before my friends could pick up there was something wrong with me (which i think they had an idea) i went to my GP and told him of whats been happening to me. It was at that time he diagnosed me with GAD. He also mentioned that anxiety is a part of me as i have an anxious personality, as he has known me from a little child and my father has been through very severe anxiety disorder at a certain stage of his life so he told me i have a pre-disposition to anxiety. Anyway went on some very mild prozac doses which helped me getting nervous and allowed me to sit next to people in class and carry on with my schooling. I went off the medication after a few months as i felt i didnt need it anymore.
Flash forward to the age of 19, my years at university. I started going through these episodes where i would feel sick in the stomach and feel lightheaded. Usually before class. After about 15 minutes in class i'd blend in with my friends and my sickness would leave and appetitie would return. Anxiety yet again.
Now, this is where it gets interesting. halfway through my year at uni, i met a girl. I had never been in a realtionship in my life and it was all new to me. As i got to know her i began to feel better about everything, i used to look forward to going to uni because i would be able to spend time with her. This is where it got weird. I started getting anxiety for no reason at all. I would not be able to eat and i would constantly feel sick in the stomach and have to leave uni because i was throwing up constantly and feeling weak. This is what blew my mind - nothing was happening that was causing anxiety? YET I WAS EXPERINENCING ANXIETY!
From here, the story only gets worse. after the stomach episodes i started experiencing other symptoms of anxiety which i had never got before, which left me paranoid and scared. I experienced distorted vision, and lightheadendess which i would freak out about and it sent me off uni for about two weeks. i thought i was going crazy.
At this time i slowly got better after a month but then another turn of events. I experienced my first 'intrusive thought' I had a bizzare thought out of nowhere of me ending up in a mental hospital. I went into another panic attack. I understood this was irrational but the fear overpowered me and it happened so quickly. the next few days were hell. It was around this time where i believe i had entered an OCD thought pattern. From regular anxiety, i began experiencing OCD. Not the traditional OCD lock checking etc, but Pure OCD, a different type of anxiety where there is no compulsion rather than rumination in the mind.
I experienced a whole range of obsessions, fear of homosexuality, fear of harming someone and myself, fear of schizophrenia. These were my obsessions and i would spend literally every minute of the day battling my way out of these thoughts only to be back where i was the next day. This went on for about year, and as time went on, the severity of the anxiety i experience lessened, but i never completely forgot about these obsessions, they would always haunt me daily.
Which brings me back to about 3 months ago. From these irrational fears, my anxiety took hold of things that happend in the past and things that i have done when i was younger which i would like to forget, but this anxiety was surreal. I literally didnt eat for about a week becuase i would wake up in guilt and an
anxiety and i felt as low as i have ever been. This was arguably my worst experience with anxiety because it delt with real life guilt over situations which i could not change, which literally was killing me.
Which brings me to right now. i was still spending all day ruminating with my anxiety when something happened that really brought on alot of anxiety and past memories from my childhood which made me uncomfortable. I got really panicky but it passed after half an hour or so. Then two days later i was at work sitting at my desk where i began to feel very strange. i felt like i could not breathe out of nowhere and when ever i tried walking or some sort of physical exercise, i felt worse, like it was getting tighter and i couldnt braethe anymore. In complete shock i went to my trusted gp and he told me it was anxiety. At that time the tightness subsided. but on the ride home i began to notice something odd. Heart Palpitations.
I could literally feel my heart beat without my hand on
my pulse or antyhign. Again, more anxiety began. i tried to forget about it and carry on with my day but the heart palps were driving me nuts, what ever i'd do, i could feel my heartbeat which really drove me nuts and filled my head with fear. the next day when i woke up the palpitations did not dissapear. it's like i could always feel my heart beat i tried my best to ignore this as teh days went past but after about 4 days i could not handle it anymore. I was at home after work and my palpitations continued. as i read online that 'if your palpitations get worse when lying down - call emergency right now' i went into a panic attack. I got so scared i called an ambulance and they did an ECG on me and could not detect abnormalities other than an understandably fast heart rate. They told me theres nothing to worry about and to try to 'relax'. after my panic subsided, the palps returned. Here we go. i slept for 12 minutes that night as my beats were so hard. I went to another GP
the next morning and he too said it was anxiety. That day i tried really hard to distract myself with activities and there were times where i would not feel them at all.
Days went on as i tried to carry on a normal life but the palpitations kept returning and started getting heavier at certain times and they would be at times which would make me doubt its anxiety like - when im not anxious at all, when i would return home from a doctors visit, and sometimes after i would eat or do physical excercise. i kept running back and forth to doctors and started doing some tests. Full blood count - ECG - Echocardiogram - Stress Echo.
And all tests showed nothing abnormal which was puzzling the crap out of me. Particularly on the Echo and Stress echo, i believe i was getting very strong palpitations - beats that would actually shake my body when lying down, and yet, nothing was picked up on the test? - explain that to me.
About two weeks ago, i experienced severe palpitations where they were occuring every minute of the day night, making it very very hard to sleep and sit still. they have subsided a bit at this point, but a whole range of strange things have been happening that keep me in disbelief that its all anxiety.
For example:
*there are times where i feel very shortened of breath (feel like i cant inhale properly, but dont feel tired or out of energy, like i cant get any air in there) and this happends randomly and sometiems with palpitations sometimes without and sometimes is worse when i try to walk around.
*there are times where i feel like my ears pop and get blocked for no reason at all.
*i get these strange tingles in my body usually in the left side of my body which only creates a hell of anxiety for me
*sometimes i feel like my chest is very tight and gets worse when i walk or do something physical - and then it will just dissapear out of nowhere.
*sometimes i feel like the more heavy breaths i take, the tighter my head feels for some reason
*i keep feeling like i have a very strong pulse, like it has the ability to move me very slightly from side to side
* i also feel extra shakes in my body like electricity or something - and whats weird about that is, i have noticed that i am conducting more static electricity than before.
I dont know what to do. I'm so lost. Like yesterday, i awoke feeling all my usual crap as always, and my doctor told me to excercise, i went to the park to try to walk around and i immediatley felt very tight in chest and i started having a very strong heart beat when i started excercising. Then right after that, i had a arggument with a family member which sparked a panic attack. After about an hour, i felt no heart palps, no chest tightness and no out of breath and i ended up running for 10 minutes - explain that.
Theres are the types of things that are sending me in fear because i dont understand what is happening to me? I've contemplated all possibilites known to man - heart disease - lung disease - multiple sclerosis etc etc and the list goes on and AT TIMES it feels like i have everyone of these.
It's surreal.
So thats my story, I guess what my questions is, can Anxiety do this to a person and give all these confusing symptoms DESPITE NOT FEELING ANXIOUS AT ALL. Most of these symptoms are completleey random, and come about with not feeling anxiety at all. THE SYMPTOMS only add to the anxiety.
Can anyone help me out there? If i could close the book on this it would make me at peace. Overall i'd like to think i have a good life and a stable job and i really dont want to loose all of that to something like this. I want to be a normal 20 year old.
Thankyou for listening, and thankyou for your understanding answer. I know it was a long post, but i feel its important to list everything out on the table so i dont feel like i've missed anything out.
Thankyou to all who answered with a genuine answer. I wish you luck and a happy life.
I know i have always had issues with anxiety even from a little kid. I was a very quiet and shy kid who only used to stick with a few friends. I used to go home sick from school when i was about 8 alot complaining that i had a sore stomach. This was usually when my friends would exclude me from their group. After numerous doctors visits, they couldnt determine anything wrong. Nobody told me what those stomach aches were, but now i know that it was anxiety.
Flash forward a few years, i experience a loss of a very very close relative at the age of 11 which really took its toll on me and sent the family haywire.
From 11 to about 16, i experienced a lot of domestic violence happening in my home, i was personally never harmed, but it did have its effect of anxiety, it used to make me feel sick a lot - anxiety again. From this time, i always have a problem with confrontation and arguments, ive tried to avoid conflict where ever i can because of the anxiety i get.
When i was 17 starting year 12 i began getting very nervous around my school mates for no reason at all. I would literally not be able to sit next to them because i'd get a thought in my head saying ' what if i panic and go red when i sit next to them' and as you'd guess, thats exactly what happened. Before my friends could pick up there was something wrong with me (which i think they had an idea) i went to my GP and told him of whats been happening to me. It was at that time he diagnosed me with GAD. He also mentioned that anxiety is a part of me as i have an anxious personality, as he has known me from a little child and my father has been through very severe anxiety disorder at a certain stage of his life so he told me i have a pre-disposition to anxiety. Anyway went on some very mild prozac doses which helped me getting nervous and allowed me to sit next to people in class and carry on with my schooling. I went off the medication after a few months as i felt i didnt need it anymore.
Flash forward to the age of 19, my years at university. I started going through these episodes where i would feel sick in the stomach and feel lightheaded. Usually before class. After about 15 minutes in class i'd blend in with my friends and my sickness would leave and appetitie would return. Anxiety yet again.
Now, this is where it gets interesting. halfway through my year at uni, i met a girl. I had never been in a realtionship in my life and it was all new to me. As i got to know her i began to feel better about everything, i used to look forward to going to uni because i would be able to spend time with her. This is where it got weird. I started getting anxiety for no reason at all. I would not be able to eat and i would constantly feel sick in the stomach and have to leave uni because i was throwing up constantly and feeling weak. This is what blew my mind - nothing was happening that was causing anxiety? YET I WAS EXPERINENCING ANXIETY!
From here, the story only gets worse. after the stomach episodes i started experiencing other symptoms of anxiety which i had never got before, which left me paranoid and scared. I experienced distorted vision, and lightheadendess which i would freak out about and it sent me off uni for about two weeks. i thought i was going crazy.
At this time i slowly got better after a month but then another turn of events. I experienced my first 'intrusive thought' I had a bizzare thought out of nowhere of me ending up in a mental hospital. I went into another panic attack. I understood this was irrational but the fear overpowered me and it happened so quickly. the next few days were hell. It was around this time where i believe i had entered an OCD thought pattern. From regular anxiety, i began experiencing OCD. Not the traditional OCD lock checking etc, but Pure OCD, a different type of anxiety where there is no compulsion rather than rumination in the mind.
I experienced a whole range of obsessions, fear of homosexuality, fear of harming someone and myself, fear of schizophrenia. These were my obsessions and i would spend literally every minute of the day battling my way out of these thoughts only to be back where i was the next day. This went on for about year, and as time went on, the severity of the anxiety i experience lessened, but i never completely forgot about these obsessions, they would always haunt me daily.
Which brings me back to about 3 months ago. From these irrational fears, my anxiety took hold of things that happend in the past and things that i have done when i was younger which i would like to forget, but this anxiety was surreal. I literally didnt eat for about a week becuase i would wake up in guilt and an
anxiety and i felt as low as i have ever been. This was arguably my worst experience with anxiety because it delt with real life guilt over situations which i could not change, which literally was killing me.
Which brings me to right now. i was still spending all day ruminating with my anxiety when something happened that really brought on alot of anxiety and past memories from my childhood which made me uncomfortable. I got really panicky but it passed after half an hour or so. Then two days later i was at work sitting at my desk where i began to feel very strange. i felt like i could not breathe out of nowhere and when ever i tried walking or some sort of physical exercise, i felt worse, like it was getting tighter and i couldnt braethe anymore. In complete shock i went to my trusted gp and he told me it was anxiety. At that time the tightness subsided. but on the ride home i began to notice something odd. Heart Palpitations.
I could literally feel my heart beat without my hand on
my pulse or antyhign. Again, more anxiety began. i tried to forget about it and carry on with my day but the heart palps were driving me nuts, what ever i'd do, i could feel my heartbeat which really drove me nuts and filled my head with fear. the next day when i woke up the palpitations did not dissapear. it's like i could always feel my heart beat i tried my best to ignore this as teh days went past but after about 4 days i could not handle it anymore. I was at home after work and my palpitations continued. as i read online that 'if your palpitations get worse when lying down - call emergency right now' i went into a panic attack. I got so scared i called an ambulance and they did an ECG on me and could not detect abnormalities other than an understandably fast heart rate. They told me theres nothing to worry about and to try to 'relax'. after my panic subsided, the palps returned. Here we go. i slept for 12 minutes that night as my beats were so hard. I went to another GP
the next morning and he too said it was anxiety. That day i tried really hard to distract myself with activities and there were times where i would not feel them at all.
Days went on as i tried to carry on a normal life but the palpitations kept returning and started getting heavier at certain times and they would be at times which would make me doubt its anxiety like - when im not anxious at all, when i would return home from a doctors visit, and sometimes after i would eat or do physical excercise. i kept running back and forth to doctors and started doing some tests. Full blood count - ECG - Echocardiogram - Stress Echo.
And all tests showed nothing abnormal which was puzzling the crap out of me. Particularly on the Echo and Stress echo, i believe i was getting very strong palpitations - beats that would actually shake my body when lying down, and yet, nothing was picked up on the test? - explain that to me.
About two weeks ago, i experienced severe palpitations where they were occuring every minute of the day night, making it very very hard to sleep and sit still. they have subsided a bit at this point, but a whole range of strange things have been happening that keep me in disbelief that its all anxiety.
For example:
*there are times where i feel very shortened of breath (feel like i cant inhale properly, but dont feel tired or out of energy, like i cant get any air in there) and this happends randomly and sometiems with palpitations sometimes without and sometimes is worse when i try to walk around.
*there are times where i feel like my ears pop and get blocked for no reason at all.
*i get these strange tingles in my body usually in the left side of my body which only creates a hell of anxiety for me
*sometimes i feel like my chest is very tight and gets worse when i walk or do something physical - and then it will just dissapear out of nowhere.
*sometimes i feel like the more heavy breaths i take, the tighter my head feels for some reason
*i keep feeling like i have a very strong pulse, like it has the ability to move me very slightly from side to side
* i also feel extra shakes in my body like electricity or something - and whats weird about that is, i have noticed that i am conducting more static electricity than before.
I dont know what to do. I'm so lost. Like yesterday, i awoke feeling all my usual crap as always, and my doctor told me to excercise, i went to the park to try to walk around and i immediatley felt very tight in chest and i started having a very strong heart beat when i started excercising. Then right after that, i had a arggument with a family member which sparked a panic attack. After about an hour, i felt no heart palps, no chest tightness and no out of breath and i ended up running for 10 minutes - explain that.
Theres are the types of things that are sending me in fear because i dont understand what is happening to me? I've contemplated all possibilites known to man - heart disease - lung disease - multiple sclerosis etc etc and the list goes on and AT TIMES it feels like i have everyone of these.
It's surreal.
So thats my story, I guess what my questions is, can Anxiety do this to a person and give all these confusing symptoms DESPITE NOT FEELING ANXIOUS AT ALL. Most of these symptoms are completleey random, and come about with not feeling anxiety at all. THE SYMPTOMS only add to the anxiety.
Can anyone help me out there? If i could close the book on this it would make me at peace. Overall i'd like to think i have a good life and a stable job and i really dont want to loose all of that to something like this. I want to be a normal 20 year old.
Thankyou for listening, and thankyou for your understanding answer. I know it was a long post, but i feel its important to list everything out on the table so i dont feel like i've missed anything out.
Thankyou to all who answered with a genuine answer. I wish you luck and a happy life.