How do I deal with my daughter whining and always wanting to be picked up?

[kristen]

my daughter is 9 months old and is little for her age so she cannot crawl yet. She always whines and wants picked up. I have been giving in and holding her pretty much all day but she is getting bigger and I need some advice on how to get her to be on her own. I feel like sometimes i should just let her throw a fit and not pick her up and maybe she will cry herself outta the fit. any advice for my situation? any similar experiences plz feel free to share your stories

[courty2114]

As hard as it is for mothers to hear their kids crying, this is a situation where your daughter just has to get used to not being held all the time. And the way for her to do that is for you not to give in whenever she wants you to. It seems harsh considering her age but she's just going to keep getting bigger and it's going to keep getting to be more of a hassle.

Sort out when you thinks it's okay to hold her and when it's not. When it's not just say "mommy can't hold you right now. how about you find your____" and pick a toy or book that's near by or her bottle or something and try to distract her from her wanting to be picked up. It won't take long for her to get used to it but it is going to be trying to go through the process.

[Echo]

Carrying her around all the time will only exascerbate the situation. I may suggest a pack and play (if you don't have one). Basically, a playpen. Put her in it to play, but where she can see you. Like in the living room while you watch TV, or in the kitchen when you clean.

She may throw a fit in the beginning, but they aren't going to hurt themselves by crying. At worst, she will make herself exhausted with her efforts and fall asleep.

I might suggest trying this at the same time each day. Then, she will learn this is "mommy time" where mommy cleans or does whatever she does without baby in her arms. If it is on a schedule, much like her nap time or feeding times, she will learn what to expect at that time. Maybe have it follow one of her scheduled times (like feeding time) and after an hour or two in the playpen (whatever you choose), follow it by some play time with her. Then, she knows that she gets a "reward" by being with mommy for being good and that mommy isn't ignoring her.

Also, possibly try to show her love at a distance. That sounds bad, but what I mean is to teach her a little seperation. An example would be: if she wants to sit in your lap when you play with her, have her sit next to you instead.

[Angela]

Just let her throw the fit that's really all you can do. Eventually she will understand she cannot be held all the time.

[midnightmoon62]

Your instinct is right about just letting her throw a fit. Make sure she is somewhere safe and keep an eye on her. One time wont solve the problem, but.. The way you pick her up every single time she whines is what is keeping this behavior going. She is manipulating you. She wants to be held and she knows that if she cries you will hold her. Now you need to start showing her little by little the she IS capable of entertaining herself. She will also start trying to crawl more once you leave her down.

However, be prepared for a temper tantrum. She WILL have one, and you are going to feel like the meanest person in the world. But its not gonna hurt her to cry a lil bit.

Now, obviously, dont leave her in the floor all the time, start out small... like say if she can entertain herself for 5 mins before she starts whining, leave her for 10. And then the next time 15. And so forth. Small steps.

[midnightmoon62]

Your instinct is right about just letting her throw a fit. Make sure she is somewhere safe and keep an eye on her. One time wont solve the problem, but.. The way you pick her up every single time she whines is what is keeping this behavior going. She is manipulating you. She wants to be held and she knows that if she cries you will hold her. Now you need to start showing her little by little the she IS capable of entertaining herself. She will also start trying to crawl more once you leave her down.

However, be prepared for a temper tantrum. She WILL have one, and you are going to feel like the meanest person in the world. But its not gonna hurt her to cry a lil bit.

Now, obviously, dont leave her in the floor all the time, start out small... like say if she can entertain herself for 5 mins before she starts whining, leave her for 10. And then the next time 15. And so forth. Small steps.

[Hurl3yB3tch]

next time she wants you to pick her up just let her sit there and throw a fit because she will relize your not going to pick her up and will stop thinking about it