The Park Slope Parents listserve hums with the type of ennui specific to a section of the borough brimming with liberal guilt-slash-condescension. Today's entrant comes from an unnamed parent who's uncomfortable with the behavior of her next-door neighbors' children. Also, they eat junk food and are fat. And Muslim. What to do?:
We have a growing problem with neighbors of ours, whose 2 girls (4 and 10 years old) are pretty much unsupervised and constantly come to our door and ring the bell to play (ringing it over and over even if we don't respond), and even coming into our house when the door isn't locked. (our son is 2+ and enjoys playing with the 4 year old, who is a cutie) I've never met the mother, and met the father once; they seem to be part of an extended family with lots of men and women living in the house, so I'm not even sure who the responsible adult (s) is/are.
They have a lot of bad habits (e.g., the older one is fairly overweight and eats junk food she buys from the store herself, and offers it to our toddler; they climb and run around our stoop unsupervised (so if they get hurt we could get in trouble), and they ring the bell and try to enter our house without permission). Earlier on I'd invited them into our house to play one evening and they wouldn't listen to me when I said it was getting close to bedtime and time to leave, so I stopped inviting them in, and then I realized I shouldn't let them into our house unsupervised, in case they got hurt (so we could be liable). I am getting more and more uncomfortable with the situation; last night we played with them on the sidewalk a bit then left to go shopping, and when we got back the 4 year old was upset, and the 10 year old told me it was because "she doesn't have anyone to play with" and it was clear the 4 year old thought we had slighted her terribly by not staying to play - it's as if (a) I'm now a free babysitter and (b) we're somehow responsible for their having playmates. I never see the girls going to (or in) the local playground, and they seem to mostly run around the sidewalk (which doesn't seem like much fun as a daily thing, without variation). The situation is giving me the creeps. The men in the house are pretty friendly (we always greet each other) but mostly sit on their porch and don't seem concerned about the kids running around the block; the women are friendly but mostly seem to stay in the house (they wear burkas and I've never had the chance to introduce myself and get to know them). I suspect they are probably a happy family (see them eating dinner together even as late as 10 or 11 p.m.), but feel like the family's (non-supervising) parenting model is imposing on my own parenting, and certainly overstepping bounds. The girls are cuties (and seem like they are fairly sensitive), but because I don't feel that I can change their expectations (i.e., wanting more from us than we can or want to give (more supervision and more playmates)) and don't feel comfortable taking on the role of being the only adult watching these 3 kids, I want to stop playing with them and letting them play with our son, without causing too many ruffled feathers, or them retaliating in small (or larger) ways against my son, my husband or me or our house for the perceived or real slight. I don't feel like I can talk to the parents. Do we HAVE to play with neighbors to "go along to get along"? Any suggestions? I realize this is a difficult situation. Thanks for any advice.
C'mon, won't you do as the lady says?</img>


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