i need the funniest jokes u have ever heard!!!?

[JoeK]

White House Ghosts

One night, George Bush was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. Bush saw him and asked -

"George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?"

"Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George.

The next night, the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom.

"Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

"Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom.

Bush didn't sleep well the next night, and saw another figure moving in the shadows.
It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost.

"Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country?" Bush asked.

And Abe replied..."Go to the theater!"

[soupkitty]

GONNA BE A BEAR

In this life, I’m a woman. In my next life, I’d like to come back as a bear. Wjem you’re a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you’re supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you’re a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you’re sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you’re mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat amyone who bothers bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you’re a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess baby fat.

Yep, gonna be a bear!

------------------

[MK]

i need jokes !!!!

[goodguy]

who is the best president america has ever had? George bush.

that's the biggest joke i've ever heard.

[Morpheus]

An old song we learned at sea:

Oh, the sexual life of the camel
Is not quite what everyone thinks
One night in the excess of passion
He tried to deflower the Sphinx....

Now the Sphinx's posterior regions
Are clogged by the sands of the Nile
Which accounts for the hump on the camel
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile........

[monicaw]

Ok. There were 3 boys. One was named '' Shit'', Second is named '' Shut up '' and third is named '' Stupid ''. One day they were bike riding and Shit fell so Stupid went to help him. Shut up went to a guy and said '' my friends hurt please help.'' the mans like '' whats ur name boy? '' Shut up said '' Shut up ''. Man '' Excuse me? ''. Shut up '' SHUT UP!! ''

[`sesiiliiaa]

LawL