Depression about ones sexuality and being completely on the verge of collapse?

[tTochtlit]

I had a question before about a friend questioning her sexuality (her liking girls when she was small and then guys in high school, dating and not being attracted to guys at all only sometimes) Basically just confusion. Well it's me not a friend.

I am just so tired of it. I don't know what is going on. I hate labels. I am so not crazy or slutty. I am actually a very quiet person. I just want to live life. I don't know what I am going through and I try not to care. I know what I feel I am sure of that and I understand it and I even accept it. The only obstacle is others understanding it. I try not to care but this has led me to lonliness. I try to tell my mother and she just freaks. My best friend thinks it's a phase and is supportive but has told me on occasion that being bi is disgusting becuase you're doing it with men and women. Although she has sex with several men and I haven't I take things seriously. It's hard for me to start liking a person and when I do. I don't say to myself this one has male reproductive parts and this one has female parts. I just see something beyond that, something beyond physical or worldly characteristics.

I just feel like I wasn't meant for this world. It can be beautiful but people have made it so ugly. Anything with beauty or mystery is destroyed. I mean look at deforestation, animal testing etc. We find something unique and we disect it. Something unknown and we persecute it. I find it hard to go on. I try and be closer to my native american beliefs as they have acceptance of everything. But I am at the point where it's just too much. My thoughts and ideas, the way I want to live is not acceptable.

I know what I feel isn't wrong, my moral, intellectual, and spiritual being knows it's not wrong yet I find myself here in this position wanting to give up.

Is this normal?
I don't want to read the bible!! It is filled with hate. I went to a catholic school. I have never in my life experienced so much hatred and intolerance. NO I am a good person, no bible!

[RyanL]

just trust the Lord and turn to Him talk to Him tell him your sorry for all the sins in the past and let the Holy spirit take over in your heart. you will feel free from all that. trust me. life is difficult as the way it is so we all have to live it till the day we are call to die. most importantly read the bible.

[jorilane15]

you're not alone, there are many of confusing, troubling things out that bring us down. though i don't agree with the gay or bi lifestyle, everyone has things that they don't want to deal with or understand, but God loves you in the midst of all of that.
this is my friends myspace site and it's very helpful if you're feeling lonely or depressed.

feel better, and don't give up

www.myspace.com/defeatdepression

[gwenr]

What you find depends on what you look for.

You've given indications here that you've been finding allot of bad stuff since you were little. Maybe you need to question what you are in the habit of looking for.

Healing happens. May it happen to you.

[allisee]

I've felt this way before, but i learned to not give a "f" about what people have to say about me and just live my life. just hang in there you're gonna find yourself someday, someway and somehow.