A long rant of loneliness? ?

[Originality]

Ever since I changed schools in 9th grade i've been super lonely. I stopped getting out of the house and i eventually stopped leaving my room.. i eat in here and spend almost my entire day confined in my room on the computer to numb my mind about problems because if im not doing something that numbs my mind i get super depressed. Its been going on for so long that my parents dont even take me places. I dont really like doing things with my dad anymore around the house either because my nephew lives with me and hes a major pain because he cries about EVERYTHING and screams even if I just walk in his direction which leads me to getting yelled at, threatened and sometimes hit by my parents.

I have lots of suicidal thoughts but I keep myself going on that slight hope called "the brighter future" but it feels like once i get out of highschool im not going to be the same youthful person because school is a place where you can learn and meet people your age and be forced to communicate with them which leads to good friendships. But i go to a private school kind of like home schooling and there isnt anyone here who i think would get along with me. Im really self concious too so i dont have much self esteem.

What can I do to improve myself and make friends that wont make me feel like that my existence wont change a thing in this world? I want friends who you can depend on and not just say "hi" to and walk on. What can i do?

[spookr889]

never stop looking for what you know is real!

*edit*I would try to get out of the house for a bit,maybe buy a bike,it wont make your problems go away but sometimes for a little while youll be free

[Sophie]

My mum made me change school at the end of gr.10 to a home school style school and I too became very lonely. First of all killing yourself wont help. Try praying and asking God to bring friends your way and go out of your way to make friends. If you have cousins your age that can be a great way of making friends because you can go places with them and meet new people and meet their friends. The easiest way to make friends is through friends. Hang in there. I know how horrible it can be.