We have a blended family. My husband's 4 children from a previous marriage live with us and we had a son together. The oldest 4 children, I consider my own. They've lived with me half of their lives and their mother moved 3 states away almost 3 years ago.

Last week, the kids' mom called and said she was in town, and she wanted to stop by to visit them. She hadn't seen them in a year and a half. After much thought and getting feedback from each of our children my husband and I decided to allow it. The next day, she arrived and visited with them for an hour and a half.

Now she is calling the kids crying saying that she misses them and wants them to call her every night to say goodnight. This really frustrates me. I know she misses them but she made the decision to move away and to stay away. She has issues with alcohol/depression. There was an incident last Christmas that lead to her making poor choices and is why she was unable to see her children for over a year. She was charged with a felony and sent to a woman's detention center. While she was in the detention center, they had her on anti-psychotic meds and she refused to take them. When she got out of there she called the kids and gave them every last detail of what she did and then said, "but so and so forgave me and God forgave so its ok..." What kind of morals and integrity is that teaching the kids?!

I try to be supportive, however, this is very hard when she makes them feel guilty about a situation she created. I feel like she makes them feel like they need to take care of her, and they don't deserve that. Another issue, she doesn't pay child support.

I feel that my husband and I have gone above and beyond trying to be supportive of her. And it kills me to see my kids get so excited about an hour and a half, AN HOUR AND A HALF and then the disappointment, frustration and anger when she leaves. Its like a tornado that hits my house without warning from time to time.

I am a very positive person. I've prayed for her, I am always cordial when I see her and I never speak poorly of her around my children, but damn it...


My husband and I are probably more sensitive that usual because he was adopted by his dad and then his parents got divorced and I was raised by my grandmother. We both know the importance of a relationship with a mother. But sometimes it seems to fault...

I am looking for support. I need someone to say I am doing the right thing or I'm not, I don't know anymore, it just kills me to see my kids hurt for something their mother caused herself. "You reap what you sow..."