1.
Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

2.
Q. How can you tell when a man is well-hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

3.
Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

4.
Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him or Three - one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

5.
Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

6.
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

7.
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

8.
Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

9.
Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

10.
Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

11.
Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

12.
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

13.
A man and wife are arguing in the car and have decided to paticurlaly bitchy. When passing a field of pigs, the man asks 'Look dear aren't they your relatvies??' After a glance at the pigs, the woman replies 'yes they're my in-laws'.

14.
A man and his wife have stopped talking to each other after a really nasty fight. Not wanting to break the silence and be declared looser, and desperate to be woken in the morning so he can get to an important meeting, he leaves a note beside the bedside table reading 'please wake me up at 6am for meeting. Ta.' The next morning the man wakes up to see that its 11.30 and he has missed the meeting not to mention now a promotion, He runs downstairs and angry screams at his wife 'why didn't you wake me up when I asked???' She points at his stomach and when he looks down, there is a note reading 'Its 6am, wake up'


actually 'rad' im happily married lol